Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend... - FML

By FreakedOut - 31/7/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54954

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Fashion Police

Lockdown is driving us down

By Anonymous - 8/10/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27787

You deserved it

2290

Tweet

Share

By bob the builders pissed off daughter - 29/12/2016 23:52 - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21860

You deserved it

1380

Tweet

Share

By Wounded_irony - 5/12/2017 05:00

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3802

You deserved it

573

Tweet

Share

By frustrated - 13/1/2013 06:39 - United States - Miami

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32523

You deserved it

12423

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 17:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9933

You deserved it

24491

Tweet

Share

By livvlynette - 27/2/2010 10:15 - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26024

You deserved it

4234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/5/2019 14:00

Are you taking the piss?

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1417

You deserved it

833

Tweet

Share

By lhazel - 17/9/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23134

You deserved it

2053

Tweet

Share

By Carly4244 - 30/8/2017 01:30

Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6184

You deserved it

502

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/6/2019 06:26

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1601

You deserved it

213

Tweet

Share

By Asshole hornet - 28/10/2013 20:18 - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44255

You deserved it

3460

Tweet

Share

By marriedbutlonely - 15/2/2016 02:36 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23882

You deserved it

3115

Tweet

Share

By meow - 14/1/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26679

You deserved it

4479

Tweet

Share

By tickyette - 14/9/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32136

You deserved it

10316

Tweet

Share

By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27829

You deserved it

15291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2014 03:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47487

You deserved it

13990

Tweet

Share

By special-ingredient - 2/8/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36889

You deserved it

13881

Tweet

Share

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40784

You deserved it

4993

Tweet

Share

By mister_pinky - 15/7/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44362

You deserved it

8347

Tweet

Share

By thjeltz - 27/10/2010 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28793

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By joyf - 8/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

It's hot!

Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

2301

Tweet

Share

By Creep - 28/3/2009 00:24 - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

18285

You deserved it

149043

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/2/2013 03:27 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35790

You deserved it

3043

Tweet

Share

By XoXonedirectionXoXo - 23/6/2012 22:21 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11185

You deserved it

32252

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 12:18

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23639

You deserved it

5839

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48301

You deserved it

3944

Tweet

Share

By anon - 25/9/2015 04:43 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26404

You deserved it

2882

Tweet

Share

By al - 15/4/2012 03:02 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10040

You deserved it

30456

Tweet

Share

By RedFaced - 27/5/2016 00:11 - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, I discovered the effect the cream has that my mom gave me. It was for my acne and it worked, in a way. Instead of having a lot of little pimples, I now just have a few gigantic ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12098

You deserved it

801

Tweet

Share

By p0isonOreo68 - 24/9/2020 20:02

Smells better when turned on

Today, my cat peed on my stove. There’s multiple clean litter-boxes that he could have used instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

833

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By WastedTime - 7/8/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42650

You deserved it

5677

Tweet

Share

By whoanoa - 10/3/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24343

You deserved it

3192

Tweet

Share

By sleepless - 18/2/2012 10:07 - United States

Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year old man with a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26634

You deserved it

3437

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/2/2014 19:21 - United States - Glasgow

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40092

You deserved it

3806

Tweet

Share

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36842

You deserved it

5712

Tweet

Share

By rojin12 - 30/8/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12019

You deserved it

31942

Tweet

Share

By queenofdeath - 16/1/2010 18:16 - Israel

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26845

You deserved it

12291

Tweet

Share

By what did i marry - 25/5/2018 12:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3749

You deserved it

551

Tweet

Share

By PuddlePirate - 7/9/2012 16:23 - United States - Mountain Iron

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30524

You deserved it

3415

Tweet

Share

By widow - 19/10/2010 22:58 - United States

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48031

You deserved it

3733

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#444806 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:01

Your aunt is a bitch.

By emer_helena | 0

#444812 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:03

If they get married that's gonna be really hard to explain

COMMENTS

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#444806 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:01

Your aunt is a bitch.

Reply

FarSide | 22

#445156 - Friday 31 July 2009 18:46

The sister's stuff is usually better.

Reply

suaveneanderthal | 0

#445216 - Friday 31 July 2009 19:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

kosscom | 0

#446266 - Saturday 1 August 2009 1:45

She's a slut. Why dont you get in on the action. Have some good old fashioned lesbian playtime. Just stick a finger in her ass already and get it started. Stop being a whiny bitch.

Reply

frannytrois64 | 0

#456005 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 10:28

She's aslo a hoe ;)

Reply

kisalycorsis34 | 0

#1876502 - Wednesday 22 December 2010 8:37

Well OP, at least it wasn't your aunt on your father's side. Then your life would really suck.

By emer_helena | 0

#444812 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:03

If they get married that's gonna be really hard to explain

Reply

GreenDaysGeekGrl | 0

#444844 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:13

I agree. Lol. "Hey, this is my aunt/mom." Weird. :

Reply

stat | 0

#446183 - Saturday 1 August 2009 0:52

ya that sucks, my mom is married to my uncle from my dads side. its weird to explain...

Reply

PrickleyCity | 0

#452720 - Monday 3 August 2009 8:49

My dad married my aunt.
Only it's his dead brother's widow.
It's so awkward to explain to people.
And my cousin is now my brother.

I feel for the OP :[

Reply

krispybacon4321 | 23

#6156984 - Monday 29 December 2015 5:59

85- Same

By jivealive_5 | 0

#444814 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:04

Well I guess you could say at least you know the woman and know what's she's like? And hey, if it's as you say and your dad has had few relationships and he's happy then just go with it and be happy for him! Not like it's illegal or anything :)

By aback | 4

#444818 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:06

He's a real optimist, isn't he?

Look at it this way--if they get married, you can send her a card that says "Merry Christmas, Auntie Mom!"

Reply

IceCubez | 0

#444937 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:46

They print cards for that?!?!

Reply

perryscherry | 0

#445168 - Friday 31 July 2009 18:51

i lol'd

By paprikacha | 9

#444829 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:08

...that's pretty fucked up.

By skiBOAT | 0

#444854 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:16

Dating your ex's sister doesn't work when you have kids...D:

By lalaleela | 0

#444869 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:19

I know how you feel

By Jojul | 0

#444874 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:21

Man that is sick...

By LasAranas | 0

#444890 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:25

What's wrong with that? Your mom's been gone for a long time, and they're not connected by blood or anything. I think you're overreacting.

Reply

akvandervort | 21

#444907 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:31

She said her aunt on her mom's side... meaning that her dad is now dating her mom's sister. So, yes they are connected by blood. I wish people would read and think before they make comments.

Reply

Herbal_fml | 0

#444933 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:43

Or it could be her mom's brother's wife that they haven't divorced yet, or they have divorced but she still calls that woman "aunt".

Reply

lollerskater | 0

#444941 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:47

@16, I think 12, by "they", he/she meant OP's dad and aunt aren't blood-related...

you read, but you didn't really think about it . . . how ironic...

Reply

EverWatcher | 0

#445362 - Friday 31 July 2009 20:13

This reminds me of a movie where two women are talking about a guy they like. First one says "you can't have him, he's my nephew", to which the second replies "well, he's not MY nephew".

Reply

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#446077 - Saturday 1 August 2009 0:03

akvandervort, are you a retard or just a HUGE prude????

Who the heck gives a crap about whether the kids are related to the aunt or not?? The guy and her are NOT related by blood in any way, so they can f**k all they want!

Reply

Barlaw | 0

#448539 - Saturday 1 August 2009 22:35

#67 The movie you are talking about is in fact a porno from the early '80s, it's at the end

Reply

westop | 0

#2811835 - Sunday 3 July 2011 9:08

I agree. It's not like its his own sister. . .

By junaho | 0

#444894 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:26

Your halfsiblings will be your halfcousins!

Reply

ijrnelson | 0

#444922 - Friday 31 July 2009 16:37

Her half-siblings will be her normal cousins