Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML
Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML
Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML
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Top comments
savannah65 19
Ew wtf
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.
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Comments (118)
Setareh23 34
I find your brother's logic very strange: "I don't want give my first date a sloppy kiss, so I'm sure she'll be much happier if I practice with my sister first!" Talk about gross.
redwill85 10
Creepy and awkward. Hope this never happens again OP.
Silly_Lilly6969 23
Your brother needs help...
BadKitty13 28
Ewwww
yeti37 16
Tell him to KISS it: Keep It Simple, Stupid
brandoneyez1 25
He should just be himself.
FlyingPie 17
Dafuq? Not only does he think it's acceptable to practice that with you, he needs to re-evaluate his expectations on what will happen and what to do on the first date.
wafflefriez91 17
Gross.
FrankHotpants 31
That's not really first date material. Perhaps he should take it down a notch.
rgearon 8
.
rgearon 8
I think so
TheHolyJuiceBox 5
I'm definitely picking up what you're putting down.