Money: Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I...

By Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

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Money

Dangling modifier

I don't want to do this anymore…

Fairytale ending

By NoRespect - United States

Today, I spent an hour setting up a delicate display stand at work. Not five minutes later, a woman barged in with her little kid, who immediately went up to the display and tipped the whole thing over. When I called attention to the mother, she just scoffed, "Isn't this your job?" and left. FML

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By buggyluv - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

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By Ryan746 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

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By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

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By mster233 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne - United States

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

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By John_Elvis - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

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By Lexi - United States

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

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By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

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By OakStake - United States - New York

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

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By Embarassed - Canada - Vancouver

Masterchef

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 08:01

Drawing a blank

Today, I sat my end of year assessment. I was quite pleased that nothing I learned in my syllabus came up on the test. FML

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By JacksWag4 - United States - Romulus

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

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By 404 justice not found - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

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By pdnne - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

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By BigBlue - United States - Seattle

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

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By zep - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

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By wayne - New Zealand

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

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By Cannot Unknow

Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swinger party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML

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By blackcat37 - United States - Independence

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

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By jen - United States

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

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By Carrie_Chaos - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Canyon

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

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By DeeDee - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

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By lolreturn - United States

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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By Dom - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

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By Butterflyguy - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

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By quarterback - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

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By bella - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

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By fartlover - Canada

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

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By crétin-crédule - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

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By worksux - United States

Today, at work, my computer started acting up. I told my boss I could fix it, but he told me to call the IT department instead. Neither the IT technician or his supervisor could figure it out, so I showed them what was wrong and how to fix it. I was promptly fired for wasting 2 hours of company time. FML

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By Seule - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

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By aurelj1 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

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Top comments

By _kyleG_ | 34

#6302445 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:39

Taking a pay cut is common when you're breaking into a new industry- you'll be rolling in cash if you stick to your career path!

By jerome72 | 14

#6302454 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:46

We gotta go back!

COMMENTS

By 1011101011101 | 9

#6302414 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:32

yep

By markotut | 10

#6302415 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:32

Yay fist comment

By cheesyfeet2001 | 31

#6302416 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:33

Consider getting careers advice.

santosb1 | 11

#6302691 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 6:01

That's probably what put OP there in the first place. Follow your heart!

By TeasinDaNoobs | 16

#6302417 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:33

Time to start a new job search.. Out of curiosity, what did you major in?

By DaEpicTaco | 13

#6302420 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:34

So sad ;)

DaEpicTaco | 13

#6302429 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:35

I meant ;(

brycemash | 9

#6302460 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:51

Still disliking

kmaheynoway | 25

#6302524 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 2:22

Weird 17, I was thinking the same thing about your comment.

CMMartin22 | 9

#6302652 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 5:02

it's funny (somewhat ironic) how 17 says something about disliking 5s comment and ends up getting more dislikes than 5

igive | 29

#6302722 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 6:38

Gotta teach him a lesson about being a dick.

praesidiem | 16

#6302757 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 7:25

This is actually a common trend I've noticed on FML, and it's pretty funny. There's certain unspoken rules that you just don't cross, or else.

RealSuperSand | 21

#6302837 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 12:20

#17. you're a douchecanoe. Eat a bag of dicks.

By markotut | 10

#6302421 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:34

Don't worry, I'm sure a good offer will come by soon. Don't lose hope op.

By mustangbravo | 27

#6302424 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:34

The horrors that real life can bring. Keep looking for better work. It's out there!

By gearhead369 | 20

#6302426 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:35

This happens way more than you may think. Just put in as much effort as you did in college and you'll find the right job

By Steffi3 | 40

#6302427 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:35

Go work parttime again, then! And look for a new job in the mean time

OmgItsCobalt | 10

#6302975 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 15:47

Omg your retarded ???

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6303263 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 20:59

You don't know what "full-time" means, do you?

By Nadron | 21

#6302428 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 0:35

Depending on your major you can make bank or have a horrible time finding a decent paying job.

santosb1 | 11

#6302694 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 6:03

Also if you're personality doesn't fit the degree you have, you're chances are significantly lowered

expertsmilee | 26

#6302810 - Wednesday 27 May 2015 9:44

Your