By Anonymous - United States - Revere

Gotcha!

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

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15347

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Pranks

Love

Our house, in the middle of our street

This Charming Man

And today, on Dr Phil…

By KatVanGogh - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38262

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3139

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By Elcam - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45724

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5593

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15849

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86251

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By elly - 8/4/2021 14:00

Priorities

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

700

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143

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By Anon - United States - Southbury

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11500

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64132

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By in_hardik - United States

Today, at my workplace, I saw a system crashing. I mean literally, my manager was throwing my colleague's laptop at him while shouting around the office. This is only my second day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24981

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1851

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By tiffany - Canada

Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28264

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2895

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By Anonymous - United States - Newville

Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19347

You deserved it

1523

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By itwasajoke

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8362

You deserved it

2310

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By tool - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43859

You deserved it

142988

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By hellosaila - United States

Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52714

You deserved it

15003

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By Almost_Homeless - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46907

You deserved it

3384

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By computergeek - United States

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41269

You deserved it

2425

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By both are dimwitted - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42388

You deserved it

4634

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By "Tick"

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2089

You deserved it

128

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By omfgfmlife - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32237

You deserved it

3043

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18222

You deserved it

2752

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By DemonicDummy

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10589

You deserved it

2655

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By phant776 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46088

You deserved it

9257

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By Pusillanimous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51223

You deserved it

5425

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By Gabi - United States

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35076

You deserved it

6517

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By Anonymous - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46469

You deserved it

6923

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By Cynical - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

94967

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37038

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By really - United States

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36948

You deserved it

4331

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By pasha - Canada - Beamsville

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30075

You deserved it

2836

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By Frenchgirl - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33163

You deserved it

6193

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By Willow - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39973

You deserved it

11730

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57824

You deserved it

6002

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By poop - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30544

You deserved it

2713

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By Ugggghhh

Today, I was that person in the pharmacy that held the line up for 25 minutes. When I got home, I realized I left my prescriptions in the shopping cart in the store's parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2689

You deserved it

1812

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By UUUGHHH - France - Villejuif

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22074

You deserved it

2693

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By kittydead - Canada

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7912

You deserved it

37098

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2021 18:01 - United States - Exeter

Oh, hi… you

Today, a girl said hi to me very enthusiastically at school, and I heard her friends laughing afterward. I was too lazy to put in my contact lenses this morning so I couldn't tell who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

436

You deserved it

571

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By hiddenplainly - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6188

You deserved it

1207

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28676

You deserved it

7320

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By Ouch

Great balls of fire

Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5920

You deserved it

1984

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By Anonymous

Her House, Her Rules.

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

135

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By JJ101 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28147

You deserved it

6066

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By svunimportant - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27204

You deserved it

3482

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By qld - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7188

You deserved it

3522

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Top comments

By dudeutookhrs | 24

#6641959 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:11

Why go down the street when you can go down the hall? I'm just kidding, but that's disappointing.

By DMDiaz | 15

#6641963 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:15

Hope you two talked about ways to get him back over dinner.

COMMENTS

By WeddedConch | 5

#6641954 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:09

incest is wincest

obvious_lee | 9

#6641968 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:24

People really need to stop making this comment on these type of FMLs. It's predictable, not clever, and annoying.

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6641981 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:34

But only if your last name is Lannister or Targaryen.

memestasquaper | 10

#6642442 - Sunday 3 July 2016 19:59

You from alabama or some shit?

By MrConfusion | 21

#6641956 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:09

Too bad you're from Massachusetts, I can't make any Southerner jokes. :(

CaptainSmith28 | 19

#6642021 - Sunday 3 July 2016 1:38

Good, no one wanted you to.

toolazytotype99 | 18

#6642036 - Sunday 3 July 2016 2:39

Fuck you fucking Yankee. Sick and damn tired of the Southern jokes, holy shit. Guess fucking what. It's over dumb ass. Grow the fuck up

toolazytotype99 | 18

#6642065 - Sunday 3 July 2016 4:10

Screw you dumb ass Yankee. Let go of the whole southern stupidity and incest shit. It's old as seriously as dumb as could. So shut up and keep scrolling lib

By dudeutookhrs | 24

#6641959 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:11

Why go down the street when you can go down the hall? I'm just kidding, but that's disappointing.

By DMDiaz | 15

#6641963 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:15

Hope you two talked about ways to get him back over dinner.

By aGMAELSTR0M | 10

#6641979 - Sunday 3 July 2016 0:32

Truthfully, this was a good prank. No one was hurt or offended, and from an outsiders view, it's somewhat funny. But now it's your turn, OP. Go get 'em!