Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML
Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML
Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML
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Top comments
savannah65 19
Ew wtf
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.
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Comments (118)
skyeyez9 25
I can understand him wanting you to verbally instruct him the do's and don't on french kissing, and directing him to a webpage online for more detail. But not actually kissing him which he wanted. That is just wrong.
sunshineb81 16
I'm hoping your brother was nervous and worded it wrong. Maybe he wanted some verbal tips/advice. If that is the case it's nice he trusts and respects you enough to seek your advice.
kingjack_rager 5
thats messed up. but if I did read this wrong he didnt say he wanted to practice on you he just wants you to show him but I may be wrong OP
inner_peace 19
It's bad enough that he wanted to practice on his sister, but to pay her?
Luluthus 41
You think he should ask her to kiss him for free instead?
inner_peace 19
If you'll read the first three words of my comment, then the answer is an obvious no.
zackerylee53 4
Serious issues..
buckdharma 38
Now he'll have to go to mom.
megabite99 4
Well the question is... Did you do it?
EvilLittleMan 23
I sure didn't expect a comment like this to come out of the UK. Maybe Arkansas but not the UK.
CrissyyyS2 22
Throw a doll at him and tell him to practice on that.
TogeBara 12
I feel like he's just super nervous and wants to make a good impression. Tell him a good way to practice that is to learn how to tie cherry stems in a knot with his tongue. Thats what I did and I've had a good few compliments.