Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML
Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML
Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML
Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML
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Top comments
savannah65 19
Ew wtf
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.
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Comments (118)
Austino_yo 11
Brother...asking.... Sister... French kiss... Blood related... Family... Tongue in mouth...bro...and sis... Yeah something's wrong here.
thatoneninjadude 14
atleast he didn't say he needs to practice in bed. there wouldn't be enough money in the world for that one.
tsenx 7
I taught my female cousin.
emydoll 14
Maybe you aren't aware that "kissing cousins" are NOT ok!! This is not little incest house on the prairie!!
MortenM 17
Pics or it didn't happen
1947Chevy 17
I hope he was just not thinking
Thorvald22 17
If its his first date and he's never kissed a girl, tell him not to expect much if thats the way he behaves.
Cynical_1 26
What's the matter...he not offer you enough money? lol
Witchylady 18
That is scary. Your brother needs a little one on one therapy. Lock your bedroom door at night.
worldclassrager 41
You of all people...if needed could his date help him if needed? He could have watched not another teen movie for a bit of help
Duggie1339 13
You don't have to kiss him to teach him.... I'm just assuming he's your little brother, he looks up to you, he reaches out for help and you post about it on fml. He should be making this post and you fine lady, are a dick and a terrible sister.
Luluthus 41
Ah, brotherly love. Charming.