Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Now you see him...now you don't.
jnanderson 16
I guess that's what they call black humor.
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Comments (127)
junkman6 22
Now is when you show him a magic trick. Kick him in the nuts so hard that one vanishes.
Godsofdracos 15
Easy there satan, I doubt a 13 year old ranks high enough to be forcibly castrated.
whothewhat 4
That's what brothers are good for.
Jori_A 5
Woulda just punched him back!
peanut52 8
of corse you would say that it's black humor and your black
peanut52 8
of course you would say that, you're black and that's black humor,.
Zelphoric 25
Solving violence with violence! Brilliant! This never has any consequences, nope!
peanut52 8
if he's 13 how are u
littlekellilee 45
Probably not great, she just got punched in the eye.
EdenCrystal 21
The trick was that he punched you, the magic was that he didn't get in trouble.
DildoFaggins 5
Shave his head when he's sleeping :-)
thatkidmal 15
Never say yes to a magic trick from a child, it always goes bad
olpally 33
Love the username!! Lol. Just punch him back and tell your dad you didn't know any better.
Baucis 10
Wow. I would of got my ass kicked by my dad. Paybacks are a bitch, getem.
WhatsOpTic 11
Black magic! Eyyyyyy! No? Okay I'll just go sit in my corner...
Sports_guy3 28
Yes... it's already been said.