Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Now you see him...now you don't.
jnanderson 16
I guess that's what they call black humor.
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Comments (127)
skipper2009 18
Do a better trick by making your little brother into a little sister ;)
globalgirly33 2
Sounds like he thought magic tricks have Punch Lines!
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
Punch him in his sleep, douche.
Mightytall 35
Are you expected to be more mature? If not, ask him if he wants to see a magic trick. Then give him a good smack in the face with your flat hand to leave a niiice big red print on his cheek. Or just be the better person and love him anyways ... that'll make him feel stupid...
Yggdrasdael 4
The trick was he made your parents not give a shit :P
ChristianH39 30
If he's old enough to dish it, he's old enough to take it. Next time lay his ass out!
howdoilogin 9
Try clubbing him upside the head. Tell him it's a magic trick.
aire101 16
Just realized OP lives in Australia... Don't they have giant spiders and other strange things down there? Depending on how hard core she is I imagine there are plenty of retaliation opportunities...
illinoiscentral 16
Wow, that sucks big time OP. I don't think you posted to fish for unwarranted advice, but I just can't help it: would it work to sit your mom/both your parents down and explain to them calmly and clearly, that you are concerned about what happened? Draw a line. That particular thing is in the past, no point in trying to squeeze out a late reaction from them, it wouldn't have an effect. So tell them that in case he's violent again, you would like them to respond appropriately. (Discuss the appropriate response with them so that it's specific. Don't just leave it vague) Also have them tell you whether they support your side in any way, because if they don't then the whole talk can be pointless. Keep calm and speak reasonably and to the point. Refuse to be pushed down!
siggy_mcsigx 22
That's terrible. You may be his sister but he has to be taught that putting his hands on a woman inappropriately in any way is unacceptable.
ShenaniganNinja 20
Really they should be teaching that putting your hands on anyone inappropriately is unacceptable. Man or woman.
Thunderstruck14 30
or just any person regardless of gender.