Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Now you see him...now you don't.
jnanderson 16
I guess that's what they call black humor.
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Comments (127)
Joedbag 8
Kick him in the crotch "by accident."
pinkpanther61789 15
Time to break out the laxatives and cook up something "special "
deziraemnj 5
Sounds like u need to find a way to get back at him that you can make look like an accident. On a side note your mom has issues if she thinks he doesn't know any better by the age of 13
poppit3 1
Punch him back
frenchiegirl1 6
Tell him to try it again and accidentally kick him really hard as your " instant reaction"
Tannasgh 22
My brother would do those things, and usually it resulted in me bringing down humiliation on him. After his breaking a lamp and blaming it on me, which was followed by a spanking for me, I suspended him by his feet from the top bar of the swing set. Our house was the first in the neighborhood and our back yard could be seen from the road. He hung there while all of the neighbors came home from work. :)
bromoryn 10
your mom is a pampering idiot who should know better!
Sitting_Ducki 8
kick him as hard in the nuts if he comes near and tell him it doubles until he grows up at say 50. then when your parents say something you dudnt know kicking him hardvwould hurt
Llammas 8
And for my next trick, I need your bank account SSN wallet credit cards and your dignity
TechnoStew 21
Hope your parents won't mind if you give him some fruit PUNCH. (Cover your hand in fruit juice and punch him in the face)