Love: Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 66

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 34

02/01/2011 00:51

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 470

You deserved it 5 169

The smell detective is on the case

This Charming Man

The ole answer/forward conundrum

24/12/2011 01:32

Today, after having recently moved 300 miles to be with my boyfriend of 2 years, I have to celebrate Christmas alone. He never thought our relationship important enough to tell his family about me, and doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 5 045

13/08/2015 23:50

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 295

You deserved it 2 751

02/01/2013 21:53

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 272

You deserved it 2 466

24/01/2014 05:32

Spicy

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 142

You deserved it 18 916

06/02/2010 18:22

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 396

You deserved it 2 513

20/01/2011 03:44

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 8 306

21/11/2018 08:00

Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 153

29/06/2019 03:03

Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 137

Masterchef

By sarah4241 - 26/07/2015 21:04

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 754

You deserved it 21 049

25/11/2011 06:13

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 400

You deserved it 4 549

10/02/2014 03:39

Spicy

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 518

You deserved it 16 380

28/03/2009 20:18

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522 724

You deserved it 36 787

09/07/2011 05:55

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 475

You deserved it 3 042

18/03/2016 10:42

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 603

You deserved it 1 862

13/01/2014 01:00

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 134

You deserved it 7 123

Unrequited

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 13:57

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 353

29/06/2009 09:44

Today, I was rushing to get on the train to work as I heard the "door closing" beeps. I was about to step onto the train when a man pushed me out of the way so that he could get on. My handbag fell out of my hand into the carriage. I stayed on the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 989

You deserved it 3 111

09/02/2013 05:13

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 353

You deserved it 9 012

01/05/2019 16:00

Today, we've had some auditors with us and I chat with some of them during the day. It's Friday so I asked one of them until what time they were working. It was late and I loudly exclaimed, "That's so late! Your bosses have no hearts!" The auditor then points to their table where the boss is sitting. Glaring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 726

09/06/2017 09:00

Today, my visiting mother-in-law announced she plans on moving to our state and living next door. When I said that's not going to happen, she chuckled and said, "It's happening, Kate." Kate is my husband's ex-girlfriend from 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 196

You deserved it 326

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 365

Alexa, play "I'm a Realist" by The Cribs

By cynical - 05/10/2020 05:01

Today, I was reading a romance story about a couple that fights, but gets back together and works out their issues. I was rooting for the breakup because I've become so cynical, I think forgiveness is weak and trust is for suckers. Yup, I'm now heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 403

27/07/2011 13:50

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 3 065

04/08/2013 16:53

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 738

You deserved it 8 854

09/04/2011 22:00

Spicy

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 480

You deserved it 4 345

24/04/2009 22:53

Spicy

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 740

You deserved it 9 011

22/09/2012 06:59

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 763

You deserved it 2 002

25/03/2013 14:48

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 3 310

14/01/2010 02:04

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 875

You deserved it 40 507

14/05/2011 23:17

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 222

You deserved it 28 401

04/05/2011 21:53

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 916

You deserved it 28 708

02/09/2014 18:58

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 706

You deserved it 9 622

06/02/2010 05:09

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 880

You deserved it 2 878

04/07/2012 09:04

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 127

You deserved it 31 337

28/11/2009 05:06

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 888

It's the Final Countdown

By Mightytall - 11/09/2019 00:01

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 142

05/06/2011 04:14

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 130

You deserved it 5 790

10/11/2015 22:15

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 1 744

14/03/2011 21:26

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 861

You deserved it 7 293

22/04/2015 13:39

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 712

You deserved it 6 029

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Top comments

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:05

If you're boyfriend really cared about you and liked you there would be nothing about you that would embarrass him around his friends. He's just an asshole if you ask me.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:02

uhhh does he want his friends staring at your chest? creeepy.

Comments

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:02

uhhh does he want his friends staring at your chest? creeepy.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 2

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:05

BOOOOBBBIEEEZZZZ!!!

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:17

stuff it with cash! Can you say "hooker"?

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:29

A cup = :(. B cup = :/. C cup = :). D cup = :D

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 2 January 2011 10:07

Tell him to stuff his pants so you won't be embarrassed. BOOM COUNTER!

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Sunday 2 January 2011 10:42

Tell him to stuff his head so his brain doesn't rattle around so much when he walks BOOM DOUBLE COUNTER!

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:43

43 that was gay just stop

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Sunday 2 January 2011 13:12

YD to have a foot shoved up your A**

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Sunday 2 January 2011 13:32

56- calm down tell your BF to stop stuffing his ass, cause it's embarrassing! BOOM!!!! =D

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Sunday 2 January 2011 17:33

win^^

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Sunday 2 January 2011 19:51

26 is an idiot. real men = :D pathetic shallow perverts = :(

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Monday 3 January 2011 5:45

your boyfriend is an ass then. :/ and 18-one bout the hooker., haha that's really funny.

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Monday 3 January 2011 22:17

I agree with you all the way, 101. ugh.. they have no idea what it's like... guys have it a lot easier!! That guy NEEDS to be dumped. I hope she did...

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 14:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Friday 11 January 2013 6:19

143 - I have no idea what you just said.

astrogirl_fml 7

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Thursday 13 March 2014 4:43

she just said she rather someone be with her for her looks than personality

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:05

If you're boyfriend really cared about you and liked you there would be nothing about you that would embarrass him around his friends. He's just an asshole if you ask me.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:20

I agree completely.

unidentified_sta 5

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:47

Essentially. If he doesn't value you for who you are, you are wasting your time and need to stick an "ex" in front of his relation to you.

whateverLifeIs 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:56

Totally agree!!

LoveMySoldier82 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:27

Next time he says that, tell him to stuff his pants.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:42

51, if there is a "next time", I'm going to have to declare OP an idiot.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:46

totally

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Sunday 2 January 2011 13:19

57 looks like a dude.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 13:29

lolololololulz u mad bro?

LoveMySoldier82 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 15:25

55. She never mentioned former or ex. She also never said anything about standing up for herself or breaking up with him.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:06

Ouch.I'm sorry you have a jerk for a boyfriend.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:07

plus, your boyfriend should be proud of who you are and want to show that off. not a pair of fake stuffed boobies!

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:16

I agree, if he doesn't like you the way you are, dump him.

Acousticpixie14 6

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:46

Yep, if he's enough of an ass to say that to you, you need to get rid of him.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 19:25

Just tell him "Only if you stuff your pants, I don't want to be embarassed."

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:07

That's fucked up...I hope you broke up with him and told him that he's just jealous cuz he has a vagina and no boobs

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:49

I think it's OP that has a vagina and no boobs...

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:39

ZING, Brock strikes again! :D.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:07

Grow some bazongas!

22cute 17

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Sunday 2 January 2011 14:18

ur an ass

xMexicanXJesusx 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 1:07

no, he's a crocodile!

Peytonlikesme 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:08

@sshole

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:08

Uhh I would say fuck no, and if he's not okay with that then it's over :)

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Sunday 2 January 2011 14:44

says the girl with the low cut shirt and nice rack in the photo....

Acousticpixie14 6

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Sunday 2 January 2011 22:05

Hahaahaha win^^

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:09

Some of us like little titties...

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:11

^ win. I agree. But seriously, kill him.

TitaniumSilver 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:08

#

LuxAeterna_fml 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 12:35

%

derangedplanet 23

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Monday 31 August 2015 19:58

we get that you like them, seriously you think us women of the world haven't noticed? What we don't understand is how you expect us to be thin, well chested, and smart. if you're thin and we'll chested, you're already technically illproportionate, and are at higher risk than you should be for a lot of dangerous shit. who the hell gets to judge females off of their genetic predisposition to be unable to fight off bags of fat. logic=none

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:09

drink more milk

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:12

wtf?

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 9:13

Or try the Thailand Breast Slap. You can get a lot of good information from watching Manswers.

MyChemical_fml 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 11:42

WHAT?! Half naked girls lie?! What has this world come to?

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Sunday 2 January 2011 14:52

I fuckin loveeeeee manswers!!!!!