By boredwithnothingtodo - Australia - Melbourne

Simple Pleasures

Today, I got a new washer and dryer set. It's sad when all you have to do at night is make popcorn and watch the clothes washing. I even invited friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1263

You deserved it

283

Favorite

Commando

Reverse psychology

Big bastard boss

By Acneface - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47084

You deserved it

5787

Favorite

By crazycatlady - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23283

You deserved it

18363

Favorite

By brokenatthebar - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4685

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By fun_gal

Odd one out

Today, my family said that we're all in this together, so I headed over to their house before the stay-at-home orders go into effect. When I arrived, my brother came out to stop me in the driveway to say they were practicing social distancing. From me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1724

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By anon - Netherlands - Swalmen

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15874

You deserved it

34979

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60601

You deserved it

4464

Favorite

By Pissssd - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34829

You deserved it

4054

Favorite

By frustrated - Australia

When clampers attack!

Today, despite being parked in my work's car park, my car got clamped. It cost me $150 to get the clamp removed and all I got was "bad luck" from my boss and the clamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1443

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By dk_2k16 - United States - Hattiesburg

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15510

You deserved it

18743

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4030

You deserved it

4559

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 20:03

Greed

Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1320

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Omi - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12847

You deserved it

41452

Favorite

By karmaquestionmark - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18067

You deserved it

36744

Favorite

By whathef???? - Canada

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23703

You deserved it

7792

Favorite

By Bryan - 30/9/2020 17:01 - United States

You had to ask

Today, I was working out with my trainer. A question popped up in my mind, so I asked if she had to deal with fat people a lot. She then responded, "I'm working with you, aren't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

484

You deserved it

1324

Favorite

By Female Struggles - United States - Denver

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39473

You deserved it

16953

Favorite

By SharkWeek - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60573

You deserved it

5763

Favorite

By frenchienyx

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

957

You deserved it

1958

Favorite

By Unemployed - United States

Today, my grandma picked up the phone. It was a man asking to speak to me. Instead of giving me the phone she decides to hang up on him, thinking it was some guy trying to "get with me." It turned out to be the call I've been waiting all week for... a call from a huge company about a job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46641

You deserved it

2731

Favorite

By fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45239

You deserved it

14894

Favorite

By Lonley Lesbian - 17/6/2020 02:02

Bye bye love, hello loneliness

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out. Also today, she changed her Facebook status to "In a relationship." I'm so damn lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1243

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By proteinboy - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11676

You deserved it

30337

Favorite

By thanks, my fellow americans - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47598

You deserved it

13591

Favorite

By grossfoot - United States

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26863

You deserved it

9404

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Sexy time

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25377

You deserved it

59168

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45215

You deserved it

7410

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24701

You deserved it

2173

Favorite

By loser doctor - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26003

You deserved it

4325

Favorite

By Deadpool - United States - Weaverville

Today, it appears that the cousin who burglarized my house and threatened to kill my wife, daughter and I during a meth binge is more welcome at a family reunion than we are. We were assured last year by family that this wouldn't happen, because we are "good people who have wronged no one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2098

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Reasonable

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58947

You deserved it

4371

Favorite

By 751920 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34009

You deserved it

3303

Favorite

By oof - 9/7/2020 23:01

Boom, headshot

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1043

You deserved it

1645

Favorite

By Jae_Hellyun - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54931

You deserved it

4333

Favorite

By citylife - United States

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46620

You deserved it

10027

Favorite

By embarassed - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37949

You deserved it

10459

Favorite

By wowthanks - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36627

You deserved it

7870

Favorite

By Anonymous - France - Thionville

Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37353

You deserved it

3097

Favorite

By FML1994 - United States

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44189

You deserved it

4958

Favorite

By sad sister - 27/7/2020 14:00

Bye bye love

Today, after my younger sister always made a habit of using everything of mine, from clothes to shoes to jewelry, the list now includes my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1284

You deserved it

Favorite

By Ugh

Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

475

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By nitemare0 | 17

#7854985 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 15:55

Did your friends actually show up for that?

By Rae Miller | 10

#7854919 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 12:59

No it’s not!!! They have windows now!!!! So cool

COMMENTS

By AyaFern | 19

#7854900 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 11:28

On the bright side - now you have more free time and you can pick up a new hobby!

By Rae Miller | 10

#7854919 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 12:59

No it’s not!!! They have windows now!!!! So cool

By nitemare0 | 17

#7854985 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 15:55

Did your friends actually show up for that?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7854988 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 16:00

You had friends come over? That counts as a party! Sure, the maiden voyage of a washer/dryer set is a pretty weak pretense for a party, but nevertheless...

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7855239 - Wednesday 30 October 2019 13:38

not sad at all, I'm actually jealous

By E2dav | 5

#7855433 - Thursday 31 October 2019 3:47

Is there a reason you're not streaming shows on your phone or laptop at least?