Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he’d love me if I were a worm. His answer involved chopping me in half and having a threesome. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML
Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML
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Top comments
B0NER 2
Must have good boobies
rayrayray23 1
Best solution: Go to Narnia.
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Comments (291)
ExhaustedLove 0
That's really romantic
benderbot19 0
Tell him to keep them in a jar preserved correctly so they don't decompose, or that's just wrong.
summinay 0
Guess you shouldn't cheat... Haha
RebelYell14 4
And you're still with him for even a second after he said that?
ljcarranza 16
nothing like dried up boobies
trolawlawl 0
Dont cheat then.....
lhamil64_fml 5
He didn't say anything about dumping him, so take the chance and get away!
Mackenzie99 6
He has some issues to solve ... Lol but on the bright side... He likes your boobs -.-
mynameispickle 0
Whelll that is a wee bit rude
pleasuretown 7
Smart very smart (adding that to my playbook)