Miscellaneous: Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at...

By me - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Walk on the wild side

Get the message, dude

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

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By jesushelpme - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 22:59 - United States - Oakland

That's a funny word, mom

Today, I wanted to teach my students about history with dominoes. I thought the online video would be wholesome or relevant to history. Nope. The last domino was captioned "HENTAI." Students now get to explain to their parents that I exposed the word Hentai to their vocabulary. FML

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By Suicidal - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

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By tobuscus9412 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

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By StabStab - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By facepalm - Singapore

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

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Teenage narcs

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have 2 teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

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By jimbop - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

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By workaholic - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

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By Burny

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 20:01

Do me a solid

Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML

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By m - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

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By TheywearintheDIRTYlaundrybasket!

Today, I walked into the house I share with my boyfriend and found his mum sashaying up and down the hall. When she saw me, she exclaimed, "Oh, you've got to tell me where you get your underwear from!" Yep, she was wearing my panties. Neither she nor her son could see why I would be upset by that. FML

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By huwauw - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

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By TheJazzKid - United States

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

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By TomorrowMaybe - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, I got my new smartwatch that I ordered for myself on the promise that I would use it for tracking my new exercise routine. Instead, I used it for playing Pong whilst eating cake and drinking wine. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to have my tires replaced. While I was paying, the cashier asked if I would like a warranty for the tires. I said, "Nah, only idiots who can't drive need that." While pulling out of the parking lot, I took the turn too wide and popped my tire on the median. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 17:00 - United States

Mr. Burns

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

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By thatonegirl.SBS. - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I gave my friend a ride to town so she wouldn't have to pay the $10 to park. While waiting to pick her up, I grabbed a bite to eat. Upon returning to my car, I found a $55 parking ticket on my windshield. FML

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By lalala_hahaha - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2020 20:00

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

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By roar_shark - Canada

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

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By nightfall8705 - United States - Walhalla

Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

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By Ouch - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

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By kingmetal42 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

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By KittyNeko - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

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By dudeyouarefired

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

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By Noname - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

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By manymisfortunes - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

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By Jobless - United States

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

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By Michael tee - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

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Top comments

By c_wyld | 21

#6267927 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:52

Tell her: "In this country, you drive, you party".

By DocDrose | 20

#6267928 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:53

Dayum, what a burn!
but seriously, that's awful, op! maybe you want to evaluate whether they deserve to be your friends

COMMENTS

By Unixxxion | 22

#6267926 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:52

Damn... straight out thats just sad... sorry to hear OP :(

By c_wyld | 21

#6267927 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:52

Tell her: "In this country, you drive, you party".

By DocDrose | 20

#6267928 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:53

Dayum, what a burn!
but seriously, that's awful, op! maybe you want to evaluate whether they deserve to be your friends

Cads1 | 24

#6267962 - Monday 20 April 2015 11:56

May be it was a rainbow party and OP is happily taken?

havahnegila | 22

#6268491 - Tuesday 21 April 2015 0:56

I agree to this. I think on some level that exhange student intended to hurt you even if it was subconsciously.

By quickfingers100 | 15

#6267930 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:58

Bad friends so I would have given them a lift but faked a car breakdown! Evil!

By gunner46_fml | 9

#6267931 - Monday 20 April 2015 10:58

screw that! get yourself a bottle of vodka and have your own party! F the haters ;D

TheBelt | 19

#6268026 - Monday 20 April 2015 13:50

Or just call a few people make sure you have LOUD music on then when they ask why's there lod music just say "oh I'm just having a party and your not invited"