Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards,... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 121

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 1 589

10/03/2011 05:09

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 339

You deserved it 6 449

Taking stock

Empathy lives

This Charming Man

25/08/2019 02:02

Today, some asshat thought it would be funny to put a second lock on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 135

24/09/2009 02:47

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 145

You deserved it 3 251

28/08/2011 21:41

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 792

You deserved it 48 395

05/03/2010 13:06

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 5 254

26/01/2019 11:00

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 363

18/01/2009 21:57

Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 975

You deserved it 33 012

Biker

By scottskidee - 12/04/2011 17:45

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 24 989

26/11/2009 16:47

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 7 803

He is worried

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:00

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 220

06/08/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 105

01/10/2012 03:21

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 711

You deserved it 1 984

08/10/2009 04:24

Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry in her groceries. She said "Thanks" and then handed me a notice of eviction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 468

You deserved it 5 263

02/12/2015 15:02

Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 257

You deserved it 1 499

30/10/2010 06:33

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 611

You deserved it 3 128

17/03/2013 10:14

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 679

You deserved it 3 133

Just a prank, bro

By unlucky dudebag - 13/10/2021 15:29

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 165

You deserved it 4 713

18/04/2016 22:24

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 494

You deserved it 4 560

Keep your distance

By Anonymous - 12/04/2020 08:00

Today, my roommate told me she had developed a rash on her armpits, which causes them to be itchy. The doctor told her the only way to heal it is to not wear deodorant for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 161

14/01/2009 15:01

Today, a drunk girl asked me for directions to her hotel. I had just bought an empanada and was feeling good, so I agree to look up the address on my phone. Two minutes and a text charge later, I got the address. Out of inebriated glee, she hugged me and knocked the tasty empanada out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 4 450

23/03/2013 13:25

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 374

You deserved it 3 662

Blind love

By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 479

You deserved it 207

05/08/2014 12:31

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 774

You deserved it 18 805

13/03/2016 22:30

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 297

You deserved it 4 158

Awkward

By rawrrrr - 17/03/2010 04:01

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 945

You deserved it 29 393

30/10/2012 19:46

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 78 734

17/04/2011 05:56

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 037

You deserved it 8 954

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 04:01

Today, I went to visit an ex-boyfriend in New York and slept at his place. In the night, while he was asleep, I had to pee really bad so I went to their one bathroom and found his mom passed out asleep on the toilet, leading me to pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 177

09/03/2016 03:51

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 092

You deserved it 1 566

Nooooob, dude

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that the automatic message on the bottom of my email that I use for work is the signature, and can be changed, but for the past year I've used it, it's been an 'Get Outlook for Android' ad link the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 729

24/11/2018 16:40

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 614

Mix up

By luckygirl - 06/06/2019 12:09

Today, I have a bad cold, so I've been carrying tissues around with me. I noticed our puppy had pooped on the floor, so I grabbed a napkin and cleaned it up, then threw it away. I then blew my nose with my tissue. Apparently, I threw away my tissue and used the napkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 566

20/03/2016 22:46

Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending 2 hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 117

You deserved it 1 238

17/12/2010 16:23

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 3 510

08/08/2015 22:56

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 528

You deserved it 5 069

Antiques Roadshow

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 02:00

Today, I made a mosaic for my grandma out of her old crockery, after I had finished it, I found out from a neighbour that some of the plates looked like Wedgewood. So I dug through the stuff that I didn't use. It turns out the original lot would have been worth about £2000. With the stuff left, I'd be lucky to get £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 275

30/04/2011 17:50

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 753

You deserved it 23 127

30/06/2016 21:11

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 249

You deserved it 984

Bad data

By maida - 02/06/2021 04:01

Today, I discovered my mother has been replacing my chronic pain meds with sugar pills, to prove to me that "the placebo effect is real and works on everyone." No wonder I’ve been in excruciating pain for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 58

13/06/2017 02:00

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 710

24/03/2013 05:30

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 13 135

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Top comments

unfortunate_13 5

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:53

atleast his intentions were good!

sammieInsanityy 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:51

that's disgusting, let's hope you re-cleaned them >.<

Comments

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:51

first!!! and wait...that's not how it's done?

sammieInsanityy 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:51

that's disgusting, let's hope you re-cleaned them >.<

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:06

I don't get it what is disgusting about this fml. I see nothing wrong besides the girl not offering to do the dishes after all the work the guy put into the meal.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:16

@11: Because the boyfriend had already offered.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:33

#15 it IS a typo, supposed to say "girlfriend"...

AsianCookie247 14

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:43

WTF..

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:51

Light......... Fading... Losing all hope.... For humanity... :(

iluffmcrandbvb 1

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:59

yeah okay what was he suppost to say? "honey i made dinner now clean all this up"? yeah he would get slapped. girls dont have to do everything for you, fat, sexist pig.

iluffmcrandbvb 1

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:58

yeah okay what was he suppost to say? "honey i made dinner now clean all this up"? yeah he would get slapped. girls dont have to do everything for you, fat, sexist pig.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 13:44

whats wrong he did it the old fashioned way

rarr 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 14:16

I love you 35

ImmortalKratos 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 15:45

old fashioned way? cooking was strictly woman's work in the old days. oh what has the world come too. we should have never given them the right to vote

ImmortalKratos 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 19:59

lol oh you women.

theybebitchin 4

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Friday 11 March 2011 1:43

she could help. fucking pms. To the OP, so he sets up a romantic dinner, and you just wanna go upstairs and "relax" while he cleans up the dinner HE MADE FOR YOU? Wow, you're a bitch. He deserves better. Albeit, if thats how he cleans up regularly, thats pretty gross. Still, OP, STFU you should have at least HELPED him clean up.

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Friday 11 March 2011 5:24

you need to get laid. holy shit.

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Friday 11 March 2011 7:17

#120 You don't have much comprehension skills or social skills, do you?? Wow... good luck ever getting laid, it will be pretty hard.

fap5v 2

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Friday 11 March 2011 9:19

Hey sammieInsanity, you are very beautiful, please add me on facebook.

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Saturday 12 March 2011 12:45

BASICALLY the dude tore up his arse for a romantic dinner and B!TCH b!tches about his cleaning tequnices ?

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Monday 14 March 2011 6:50

Ooh, I am sorry she has a sense of hygiene. Sheesh people are idiots. If someone invited me to dinner then told me to clean up, I wouldn't be pleased. Isn't that normal?

unfortunate_13 5

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:53

atleast his intentions were good!

chasin_butterfli 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 13:07

I know, right? Most men I know can't even find the sink to set their dirty dishes in it.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 13:53

u must hang around boys not men!

missory_missouri 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 15:28

Intentions = my butt! This guy has no sense of cleanliness! *Throws him in a cave.*

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:23

stfu..

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Friday 11 March 2011 18:59

... how old is this "man" you are dating?

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:54

he's trying to tell you to get your ass back in the kitchen where it belongs

unfortunate_13 5

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:58

those kitchen jokes are so 2010

unfortunate_13 5

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:02

back then it wasn't a joke! :)

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:12

it's not a joke now either!

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Thursday 10 March 2011 14:48

Wow people are so sensitive.

likeyourelooking 6

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:29

75-errrr........ what?

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Thursday 10 March 2011 23:46

83 - lol, that's exactly what I was thinking

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:56

How often does he 'wash' them? Because if he does it a bit, surely you would have noticed. And if this is the first time he's done it, you just need to train him better =p

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Thursday 10 March 2011 11:58

agreed.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 22:12

only person that needs to be trained is you to keep your ass in the kitchen where it belongs.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:01

ewwww sounds like my filthy ass roommate

TigersLoveCinnam 0

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Thursday 10 March 2011 14:23

lol sounds just filthy in general! so many things health-wise that could go wrong with dirty dishes!!!

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Thursday 10 March 2011 22:13

Yeah my roomie does this too. I wash my dishes and keep them in my room.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:13

that's how you do dishes. well, I mean I'm not a woman so I wouldn't know

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:16

And, you're not a man either.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:17

poor guy!

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:19

Is your boyfriend retarded or something?

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Thursday 10 March 2011 15:44

yes ....... yes he is

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Thursday 10 March 2011 16:00

I think he is a genius because by doing the dishes like that, op will never let him do them again.

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Thursday 10 March 2011 12:25

Wow I would hate to see the state of his house/kitchen. He sounds rather disgusting.

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Friday 11 March 2011 3:53

agreed