Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob"... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

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Mother of the year

A boy can dream

Nags

By ohdang - United States

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

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By Shelly - United States

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

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By lyinginbed - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

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By ItRainedOutside - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

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By Eddie - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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By ID10t - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

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By notalovestory - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

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By geedeewhy

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

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By whattheactualfuck - South Africa - Durban

Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:01

Ring of fire

Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML

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By Firefighter Groom - 7/2/2021 23:01

And you are?

Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

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By ekaay

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

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By Anonymous

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

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By overpriced coffee shop worker - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

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By Jenny

Stalker or coincidence?

Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML

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By dumbass - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

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By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jasper

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

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By Jioune - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

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By iross - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML

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By newmother - Australia

Today, I went into labor with my first child, and as much as I pleaded, I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital. FML

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By ... - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

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By mad flyer - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

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By hell! - France

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

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By Misskittygal14

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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By jacobianscum - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

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By SquirrellyGirl

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

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By Mitch

Today, while reading the newspaper, I noticed that an ad had been placed for my job. I asked my boss for a week off so that I could fly home for my father's funeral. No wonder she was so cool with it. FML

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By lalala - United Kingdom

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Take what you can get

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

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By Ves - United States

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

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By ohjoy - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

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By Anonymous

The Dilbert Principle

Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

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By Single Again

Cunning

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

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Top comments

By Luckster | 0

#775056 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

You're better off without him if he's that immature. 8|

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#775064 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

If he feels the need to call people fat slob, then that relationship was going nowhere anyway. Still, sorry your feelings got hurt.

COMMENTS

By 1800getalife | 0

#775047 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

justmeagirl | 0

#775067 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:22

YDI for dating that type of jack ass

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#775081 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:27

u must have ticked him off, cuz y would he break up with u like that?

Reply

McFail_fml | 4

#775116 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:38

he probably isn't wrong is he was able to write "we're through fat slob" on just her forehead...
imagine how many words he can fit on her jelly rolls

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#775170 - Friday 15 January 2010 3:03

You should key, "karma is a bitch." into his car. Sorry that happened to you, OP. On the bright side, you can now find someone who doesn't have a cold heart. :)

Reply

tiancai | 0

#775889 - Friday 15 January 2010 11:40

#33 because every guy has a car, right? I'm sure if he was rich enough to have his own car he could score a much hotter chick than a "fat slob" one. Good luck trying to key that message into his monthly bus pass...

Reply

ellephaba101 | 0

#1087102 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 3:01

get bangs op!

Reply

Fred_Fred_Burger | 0

#1615440 - Thursday 28 October 2010 10:20

I know right but i'd still do that.

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2708939 - Saturday 18 June 2011 16:22

oh, fucking asshole.

By lexi_cacao | 0

#775051 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

oh no!! Here's hoping there isn't much truth to the last bit...

By Luckster | 0

#775056 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

You're better off without him if he's that immature. 8|

Reply

mj2123 | 0

#775108 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:35

Exactly.

By ky_finest_18 | 0

#775057 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:19

OMG.. I would of been pissed! jus remember that karmas a bitch :)

By TheRipper_fml | 0

#775060 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:20

You deserved it for apparently being a fat slob.

Reply

tehman117 | 21

#6393801 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 20:25

Just cause someone says they're fat doesnt mean they are. Would you tell an anorexic person to lose weight if they thought they were fat?

By lpcd23 | 0

#775062 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:20

hahahaha don't worry it's true karma IS a bitch!

Reply

iloveyouu_24 | 0

#2386164 - Friday 22 April 2011 2:06

You do realize this FML had nothing to do with karma. Just an ass of a boyfriend and a sleeping marker faced chick.!!

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#775064 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

If he feels the need to call people fat slob, then that relationship was going nowhere anyway. Still, sorry your feelings got hurt.

By bigbeast | 0

#775065 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

that suuuckss

By lucifer69_fml | 0

#775069 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:23

why didn't he just write 'cunt' on your forehead? that word suits any occasion

By xxshannonxx456 | 0

#775074 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:24

he's a dick.