Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob"... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/1/2010 22:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39582

You deserved it

5028

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Fashion Police

TMI

By badcook - 24/9/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42590

You deserved it

3487

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24573

You deserved it

9052

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/8/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42211

You deserved it

3868

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 25/11/2015 01:01 - Canada

Today, my mother refused to buy a cat because my sister is allergic to them. She bought a rabbit instead. I'm allergic to rabbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25246

You deserved it

1502

Tweet

Share

By Pandathepilot - 10/11/2017 15:00

Say hello to my plastic friend!

Today, my principal made me visit "anti-violence" classes because I had a picture of me threatening a man with a gun on my Facebook page. It was taken during the school play, where I was acting as a gangster and the gun was just a toy. The principal saw the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4509

You deserved it

309

Tweet

Share

By Fefe - 13/7/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32644

You deserved it

18168

Tweet

Share

By alex - 14/3/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40673

You deserved it

10034

Tweet

Share

By babs - 7/5/2013 19:07 - United States

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51065

You deserved it

4723

Tweet

Share

By cakegirl - 26/5/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58096

You deserved it

3783

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/2/2016 07:49 - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21219

You deserved it

1577

Tweet

Share

By thinking of military school - 23/10/2016 20:35

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11364

You deserved it

3566

Tweet

Share

By thedullard - 16/2/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17393

You deserved it

31131

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30177

You deserved it

3123

Tweet

Share

By computergeek - 26/1/2010 21:25 - United States

Today, my parents got me a new computer for my birthday. They also took the liberty of throwing out my old computer, with 8 years of photos, videos, music, documents, emails, and bookmarks on it. But that's okay, I had a backup. They threw that out too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41232

You deserved it

2423

Tweet

Share

By cpiro - 27/5/2020 05:00

Live from the chopper

Today, my friend borrowed my car and decided to get pulled over after a high speed chase. My car got towed in a town over 100 miles away. Choose your friends wisely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

290

Tweet

Share

By ToiletTony - 19/6/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom in a department store. When I was finished, I couldn't get the stall door open. I am claustrophobic and I freaked out and and started shouting for help. A 6 year old boy got the door open for me. It turns out I was pushing when I should have been pulling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10790

You deserved it

51419

Tweet

Share

By meow - 14/1/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26682

You deserved it

4479

Tweet

Share

By Sara1990 - 23/8/2010 11:40 - Australia

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39099

You deserved it

6939

Tweet

Share

By illequipt - 16/3/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

203582

You deserved it

31899

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40965

You deserved it

7233

Tweet

Share

By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51331

You deserved it

2986

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/6/2019 20:48

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1682

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/8/2013 18:39 - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

57829

You deserved it

5171

Tweet

Share

By bob - 17/12/2012 18:16 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32744

You deserved it

4433

Tweet

Share

By ljennette25 - 23/9/2016 04:51 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12172

You deserved it

867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2015 20:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27126

You deserved it

5709

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 04:56 - United States - Houston

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28588

You deserved it

44486

Tweet

Share

By 30Jenna - 13/7/2011 22:01 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47638

You deserved it

6280

Tweet

Share

By pinkrazorsare4men - 16/11/2016 00:51

Today, whilst taking a shower, I noticed my razor wasn't in its usual spot. Upon inspecting it closer, I noticed that there were tiny white hairs in it. When confronting my father about it, he claimed the "pink razors" are his. We've been sharing the same razor this entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9779

You deserved it

856

Tweet

Share

By cam96 - 15/10/2017 13:00

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3272

You deserved it

273

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4104

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2017 19:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6407

You deserved it

1285

Tweet

Share

By ElaborateScheme - 14/8/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12634

You deserved it

1114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/8/2016 00:24 - United States - Denver

Today, on my way to a big convention in Chicago, I found out that when my friend said, "I live in Chicago," they really meant, "I live an hour and a half outside of Chicago." Hello traffic and hours of daily driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12546

You deserved it

1748

Tweet

Share

By soul0eater - 12/3/2011 07:18 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33194

You deserved it

3817

Tweet

Share

By Devotedmom - 10/1/2016 09:07 - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23943

You deserved it

3080

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2011 22:37 - United States

Today, I got trapped in a glass elevator at the mall. My father walked right by the elevator, laughed and went into a store. A fireman got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35719

You deserved it

3394

Tweet

Share

By CT - 25/11/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34659

You deserved it

2268

Tweet

Share

By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

381

You deserved it

1968

Tweet

Share

By life_suxxx - 6/12/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9290

You deserved it

33358

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Luckster | 0

#775056 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

You're better off without him if he's that immature. 8|

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#775064 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

If he feels the need to call people fat slob, then that relationship was going nowhere anyway. Still, sorry your feelings got hurt.

COMMENTS

By 1800getalife | 0

#775047 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

justmeagirl | 0

#775067 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:22

YDI for dating that type of jack ass

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#775081 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:27

u must have ticked him off, cuz y would he break up with u like that?

Reply

McFail_fml | 4

#775116 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:38

he probably isn't wrong is he was able to write "we're through fat slob" on just her forehead...
imagine how many words he can fit on her jelly rolls

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#775170 - Friday 15 January 2010 3:03

You should key, "karma is a bitch." into his car. Sorry that happened to you, OP. On the bright side, you can now find someone who doesn't have a cold heart. :)

Reply

tiancai | 0

#775889 - Friday 15 January 2010 11:40

#33 because every guy has a car, right? I'm sure if he was rich enough to have his own car he could score a much hotter chick than a "fat slob" one. Good luck trying to key that message into his monthly bus pass...

Reply

ellephaba101 | 0

#1087102 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 3:01

get bangs op!

Reply

Fred_Fred_Burger | 0

#1615440 - Thursday 28 October 2010 10:20

I know right but i'd still do that.

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2708939 - Saturday 18 June 2011 16:22

oh, fucking asshole.

By lexi_cacao | 0

#775051 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

oh no!! Here's hoping there isn't much truth to the last bit...

By Luckster | 0

#775056 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

You're better off without him if he's that immature. 8|

Reply

mj2123 | 0

#775108 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:35

Exactly.

By ky_finest_18 | 0

#775057 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:19

OMG.. I would of been pissed! jus remember that karmas a bitch :)

By TheRipper_fml | 0

#775060 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:20

You deserved it for apparently being a fat slob.

Reply

tehman117 | 21

#6393801 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 20:25

Just cause someone says they're fat doesnt mean they are. Would you tell an anorexic person to lose weight if they thought they were fat?

By lpcd23 | 0

#775062 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:20

hahahaha don't worry it's true karma IS a bitch!

Reply

iloveyouu_24 | 0

#2386164 - Friday 22 April 2011 2:06

You do realize this FML had nothing to do with karma. Just an ass of a boyfriend and a sleeping marker faced chick.!!

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#775064 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

If he feels the need to call people fat slob, then that relationship was going nowhere anyway. Still, sorry your feelings got hurt.

By bigbeast | 0

#775065 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

that suuuckss

By lucifer69_fml | 0

#775069 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:23

why didn't he just write 'cunt' on your forehead? that word suits any occasion

By xxshannonxx456 | 0

#775074 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:24

he's a dick.