Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob"... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/1/2010 22:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

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Oh, hai!

Time don't heal nothing

Not a cheating!

By Cam - 21/5/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2015 05:42 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

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By kittenfish8903 - 6/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

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By truth - 10/2/2012 01:49 - United States

Today, my boss reported to the police that a suspicious car has been parked outside the store late at night. I walked outside and my car was gone. He had my car towed. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2016 01:15 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

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By anonymous - 10/11/2016 14:29 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2012 02:09 - United States

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 05:02 - Australia

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

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By almost governmental - 5/9/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

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By smdh - 22/10/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

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By Adam - 24/5/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

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By N - 20/5/2016 20:22 - United States - Glenwood Springs

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

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By thatonegirl.SBS. - 29/9/2012 05:38 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

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By Christopher Tobler - 26/4/2019 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

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By Fuzzy - 8/1/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

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By feeling fed up - 25/4/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

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By MicachuPikachu - 28/11/2013 06:39 - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like the customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came from my own pocket. FML

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By GoulashQueen - 8/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

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By hannah12345 - 26/2/2010 17:54 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

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By Ex-Employee - 31/7/2016 02:14 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

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By lousy - 31/1/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

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By InDisbelief - 12/4/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

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By goddamn chicken subs - 24/3/2016 16:51 - United States

Today, my brother and I got food poisoning because of the shady chicken subs we ate last night. Our mom thinks we're faking it and sent us to school anyway. I'm coming to you live from a school toilet while missing a test. FML

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By jimmy - 19/8/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

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By FUCKKKS - 3/3/2013 17:37 - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

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By em - 3/6/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

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By noooooooo - 18/3/2013 00:10 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

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By Hypocrisy - 28/9/2011 22:16 - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

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By chasingcars0624 - 28/8/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

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By stuckonrepeat - 4/8/2010 20:17 - Ireland

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2016 21:42 - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

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By Cherrish it - 4/9/2012 04:24 - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

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By Shock - 21/3/2016 20:12 - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

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By imaqtb - 9/9/2010 03:35 - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

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By Username - 10/10/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2014 09:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

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By nametag - 9/6/2009 02:07 - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

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By coffee_princess - 22/7/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

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Top comments

By Luckster | 0

#775056 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

You're better off without him if he's that immature. 8|

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#775064 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

If he feels the need to call people fat slob, then that relationship was going nowhere anyway. Still, sorry your feelings got hurt.

Comments

By 1800getalife | 0

#775047 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

justmeagirl | 0

#775067 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:22

YDI for dating that type of jack ass

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#775081 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:27

u must have ticked him off, cuz y would he break up with u like that?

Reply

McFail_fml | 4

#775116 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:38

he probably isn't wrong is he was able to write "we're through fat slob" on just her forehead...
imagine how many words he can fit on her jelly rolls

Reply

saranottelling | 7

#775170 - Friday 15 January 2010 3:03

You should key, "karma is a bitch." into his car. Sorry that happened to you, OP. On the bright side, you can now find someone who doesn't have a cold heart. :)

Reply

tiancai | 0

#775889 - Friday 15 January 2010 11:40

#33 because every guy has a car, right? I'm sure if he was rich enough to have his own car he could score a much hotter chick than a "fat slob" one. Good luck trying to key that message into his monthly bus pass...

Reply

ellephaba101 | 0

#1087102 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 3:01

get bangs op!

Reply

Fred_Fred_Burger | 0

#1615440 - Thursday 28 October 2010 10:20

I know right but i'd still do that.

Reply

Creamysweeps | 5

#2708939 - Saturday 18 June 2011 16:22

oh, fucking asshole.

By lexi_cacao | 0

#775051 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

oh no!! Here's hoping there isn't much truth to the last bit...

By Luckster | 0

#775056 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:18

You're better off without him if he's that immature. 8|

Reply

mj2123 | 0

#775108 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:35

Exactly.

By ky_finest_18 | 0

#775057 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:19

OMG.. I would of been pissed! jus remember that karmas a bitch :)

By TheRipper_fml | 0

#775060 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:20

You deserved it for apparently being a fat slob.

Reply

loludunnomeee | 18

#3141508 - Friday 19 August 2011 21:30

Exactly. Lose weight.

Reply

tehman117 | 21

#6393801 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 20:25

Just cause someone says they're fat doesnt mean they are. Would you tell an anorexic person to lose weight if they thought they were fat?

By lpcd23 | 0

#775062 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:20

hahahaha don't worry it's true karma IS a bitch!

Reply

iloveyouu_24 | 0

#2386164 - Friday 22 April 2011 2:06

You do realize this FML had nothing to do with karma. Just an ass of a boyfriend and a sleeping marker faced chick.!!

By CyclonePsycho | 1

#775064 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

If he feels the need to call people fat slob, then that relationship was going nowhere anyway. Still, sorry your feelings got hurt.

By bigbeast | 0

#775065 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:21

that suuuckss

By lucifer69_fml | 0

#775069 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:23

why didn't he just write 'cunt' on your forehead? that word suits any occasion

By xxshannonxx456 | 0

#775074 - Friday 15 January 2010 2:24

he's a dick.