Today, I was really upset after work, so I tearfully asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML
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Top comments
kawa_fml 0
aw, that's nice of him!
Dfeline 2
Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.
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Comments (170)
kawa_fml 0
aw, that's nice of him!
douche_baggins 0
bitch you were lucky to get that. you shouldnt be sad about washing dishes, cooking dinner, sucking dick, and cleaning the house. in my opinion, you're actually lucky to leave the house. now, modify this comment.
average_girl 0
haha.. well? did it "brighten your mood"?
yougetmecloserto 0
...Don't you like purple?
hellokittywhore 0
I personaly would have been happy purple is a happy color and ****** make peopl happy...very very happy. #140 why don't you try to clean the dishes clean the house cook dinner and suck a dick!?! your name suits you mother fucket
JinxSNC 0
#140- your screen name suits you. Douche.
JinxSNC 0
hey #140, your penis must be very very small. And your name does suit you. douchebag.
Coxxy 0
Someone's clearly never touched boobies.
Critter456 0
that was very nice of him! if nothing else, jus seeing it would have made me laugh my ass off! he sounds sweet... u sound like u don't get enough... u should use it.
Sansa_fml 38
these things are expensive! So he probably cares :p
alex_vik 0
So?
someotherbitch 0
seriously??? nothing puts me in a better mood then when i get my "rocks"off..... what is wrong with you??? havent you ever had an ****** before???? --- also #7 rocks.... also wondering did you post this before or after you tried out your new purple people eater??? FML for not having a boyfriend that brings me sex toys when i have a bad day!!!
Rdnckmuffdver02 0
yeah!!! and it wasn't like he wanted you to ram it home in him... Even if so you guys could of shared common interests.
gunnar7240 0
How thoughtful. Your boyfriend is a keeper.
kbrandon98 0
yeah, & in all honesty, the op wasn't very specific! it's not an fml, bc she could have said "bring me something nice" in a rather seductive tone, hence him buying the *****. he could have thought he was doing the right thing! but most def sounds like a wicked good present.. better than nothing! shoulda been more specific, sweetpea :)
LadyAlathia 0
Hm. A Rabbit would have been nicer of him. Dildoes are too much work on your own.
tenkenshi 2
LOL, sorry this isn't an FML, YDI for not having a sense of humor.
heyyou1203 0
yea seriously, be thankful that u now have a toy to play with when he's not around! what were you expecting anyways, flowers? chocolate? something you can only use once? at least he was practical.
ithedarkknight 0
wow that's dumb she obviously had a hard day and she asked her boyfriend to cheer her up... maybe as a boyfriend he could of done something like bring her roses and some ice cream and scented candles... turn the lights out in the house and light the candles and cuddle on the couch eating ice cream as she talked about her day... i mean im a guy up for a good laugh... but sometimes you can be a little romantic just to show her that you care... that's all im saying...
sportastef 0
Agreed. #81 is right on.
IheartCoffee27 0
...whipped.
meddude 0
*cough* someone get 81 a sense of humor *cough* who's to say that the boyfriend isn't usually very romantic, but wanted to be a little humorous for a change?? everybody needs a good laugh sometimes. well, except for 81, apparently.
letitbe56 0
81- If that's what she wanted, that's what she should have said. A big purple ***** is hilarious, and certainly would have cheered me up. If she wanted something romantic as opposed to something funny, she should have said so. It's not hard, "Hey baby, I'm feeling kind of down. Can we do something romantic later?" Or better yet, she could have planned it herself. Also, considering she basically just called him up and said, "I'm sad. Bring me presents," she's pretty lucky he brought her anything at all. If my boyfriend did something like that I would have been like, "Umm...I'll come cuddle with you, or maybe bring you food and a movie, but don't hope for anything more than that."
beerab 0
She shouldn't have to tell her bf to do something to cheer her up... Women know how to cheer themselves up. If she doesn't like how he tried to cheer her up really that's HER problem lo.
Sappheyes 0
81, my boyfriend's sense of humor would definitely cheer me up more than a vase full of dead flowers. Also, I don't really like ice cream (or chocolate, or sweets in general), and I have plenty of my own candles should I feel the need to light one. If he wanted to bring over a bottle of wine with that *****, however...
someotherbitch 0
are you lazy??? the more work the better the pay off!!!
BigSmiles7 0
awh haha that's cute
Critter456 0
agreed w/ 168 :-}
lizzzie_fml 0
The thought was there. Next time be more specific!
Dfeline 2
Ever considered that he was trying to make you laugh, consequently brightening your mood? Be glad. Most FML boyfriend's would just tell you to stop whining and make them a sandwich.
hbgoddard 0
Lol, "Make me a sammich, dame!" OP, Why wouldn't this brighten your mood? That seems like a nice thing for him to do. YDI for taking a nice gesture the wrong way, like too many girls do on FML.
SpitFyre 0
Definitely, you have a cool bf, he was just trying to cheer you up. Relax a little, be happy!
heavenandhell 0
Well did it brighten your mood? If not now I'm sure it will later
stlcards220 4
lololol
mobius8 0
How does this F your life? You have a bf who you can ring up in tears and who will come straight over, with a gift that kinda shows he's not even hoping to get laid.
genius_man16 0
Because she wanted him to skewer her with HIS purple *****. If ya know what I mean.
biiiiizzzay 0
your boyfriend is a GENIUS.
meowmeowwkitty 0
why couldn't he give it to her? ****** replace guys. she has one ;) unless it's a toy they can use together, fun fun but cuteeee
XOfiestypixie 0
It's the thought that counts; and hey, he even spent money on you. If my boyfriend did that I'd laugh.
annalou_fml 0
Exactly. He was buying her something, and giving her a laugh. She needs to get the last ***** he bought for her out of her ass, and learn to take a joke. Girls like her are the ones that make guys be assholes to the rest of us. You are ruining all of the good men, just stop.
violentturtle 0
I'm sorry but if guys tend to be assholes to you, do you think that maybe it's you?
KumoFF7 3
YDI for using the word "Tearily"
whiskeyloverrrr 0
lol