Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for trying to return a shopping cart to the cart corral. She then forced me to leave it in the parking lot. FML
Today, I was accosted by an angry homeless man at the recycling center, since I refused to give him my saved up bottles and cans. He insisted that he needed it more and I was "poaching his turf". I needed the recycling to put gas in my car, just to make it to work and hope I could make it back home. FML
Today, I opened my blinds to see the front yard littered with trash. My neighbor's cat ripped our trash bags open and smeared them all over the lawn. Since it was my turn to take out the trash this week, my family decided I would be the one cleaning up too. FML
Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25 and don't live with her. FML
Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML
Today, I confronted my lousy, loud, messy neighbors about the trash they throw in my yard. They responded by throwing my trash in their yard, then called the police to report me for vandalism and illegal dumping when I returned their trash. Guess who has a court appearance in two weeks… FML
Today, after my dad insisted that the trash go out last night, even though I always take it out in the morning because of the stray dog problem in our neighborhood, I took it anyway to appease him. He woke me up banging on my door and screaming because the strays had thrown the trash all over the road in the night, and he blames me. FML
Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML
Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML
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Top comments
thatpeachyperson 12
You should have given him hell for being on your lawn.
FML_Master2133 6
It's not really illegal.
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Comments (45)
FML_Master2133 6
It's not really illegal.
sonicgreg 12
I wish it were so mexicans would stop approaching my house. With the FL stand your ground policy I'm running out of room for the bodies.
sonicgreg 12
I honestly wish it were. I need my plastic bottles for my own purposes... like to contain my butthurtenol. :)
ebonyirony 29
It was also not recyclables.
tacojauns 45
Showing the cop ur ID was out of the question?
saintsrocksocks 10
Your*
Meettitan 14
Yeah, I like that. The cops can go through your trash looking for probable cause, but you can't root through it yourself.
cash_monkey72 9
****** in the head? Do people not simply say ****** up anymore? I really need to pay more attention in school.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
When I think "****** up" I think of being wasted. Maybe that's just me?
cash_monkey72 9
Yeah, well, we apparently talk differently here in Kentucky land.
cash_monkey72 9
My first buried comment. I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hockeyboy4280 18
You should be ashamed
wyattshack 4
Since when do you learn this stuff at school?
Addyy_ 5
35 - Happens to everyone.
parchment123 0
Guys, don't get the wrong impression. Number 2 is a terrible representation of people from Kentucky. Not everyone is as stupid as him.
Missy612 14
No one said that
cash_monkey72 9
No, I'm just an idiot on the Internet. I'm actually in all advanced classes, hold a 4.0 GPA, and participate in several extracurriculars. I do agree that Kentuckians are generally viewed as rednecks and hicks, and I just want to point out, I have all my teeth. I also want to point out that I hate that stereotype.
CaptTeemo 10
Whoa they teach us to say "****** up" in school?? Maybe in certain things like sports, but I'm pretty sure our English teacher teaches us to go say "**** this shit up" in class
DocBastard 40
Cash_monkey - Don't try to give reasons that you're smart - prove it.
MindFreakazoid 10
Number two, there's more than one saying. Simple as that.
thatpeachyperson 12
You should have given him hell for being on your lawn.
KBeatz 5
Yea; shoulda went Clint Eastwood on him. "Get off my lawn!"
juststoptalking 6
Side walk??
KommanderKush420 5
...Wouldn't that still be recycling?
efemel94 7
I'm sure there are good police out there, don't get me wrong, but I do get the impression that a vast amount of them are power-mad simpletons intent on belittling the public they're supposed to protect.
thatpeachyperson 12
I don't care what you said, but that is one sexy guitar.
evilplatypus 39
5 - Sadly, most of them really are wonderful people, but the minority "shine" through. A cop does something effed up, everyone hears about it. They do something wonderful, oh well, it's they're job; no one says squat diddly.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Stealing trash is illegal? ****. Time to leave Dunkin Donuts' dumpster alone.
br0ccoli 15
You know that they throw out the day's unsold donuts, too?
xxDefiantxx 0
26, I wish i knew that...are they all boxed up or just thrown about?
BunchieRules 31
#86 - Usually they slash the packaging. The bakeries don't want hobos, dumpster-divers and animals taking the free food.
br0ccoli 15
86 - They just throw them in a bag and put them in the dumpster. I'm pretty sure you can get arrested for dumpster diving though. People I knew in high school just waited by the back door around closing and took them out as soon as they were put in the trash. They said it was like it wasn't in the dumpster because it was all donuts and bagels in the bag. You would be surprised how many bagel places do that. In NYC especially, they throw all their unsold bagels every day and also produce from grocery stores that are perfectly fine but slightly flawed. It's amazing how much food is wasted. There's even a food scavenging tour that shows people how much good food is put into the trash on a daily basis.
Psych101 9
I hope you told him it was your trash, then asked to please leave your "private property."
CaysonJon 11
The only thing I'm wondering is why did you hyphenate ****** in the head ?
Purrpurrpurr 7
A hyphen goes between multiple-word adjectives when they precede the word that they are modifying.
acidkitten 14
I don't understand what you said, but it sounded smart so I thumbed you up.
makeupjunkie 5
Lol acid kitten
RaVeN53 7
And this why I really dislike cops!
graffitied_love 20
Those cops you "dislike" help keep you safe. I'm not saying they're perfect, but they are a help to the community
KommanderKush420 5
I hate cops because cause they get into everyone elses business, like "Sir, im going to have to confiscate this marijuana from you" and "Ma'am if you're going to be a prostitute, its legal to make pornos" and the most famous one: "Stop criminal scum! You have violated the law!"
acidkitten 14
Hm. I can already understand why someone called "KommanderKush420" would hate cops. You didn't really need to say all that.
HmongJohn 9
11 and 51 - Don't call the police when you need them... Thanks...
neilykins 29
I really dislike when people say they hate/dislike cops, most of the time you don't like them because YOU'RE the one doing the wrong thing and get caught. Don't complain and take responsibility.
chouter21 10
That cop sounds like a quack.