Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/02/2010 13:27 - Costa Rica

Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25 and don't live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 1 995

You tried

Fuck you, Elon

High school drama

By nosexforthee - 23/01/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 556

You deserved it 7 940

Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma

By fishyrael - 26/01/2021 23:01

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 02:44 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I received a phone call from my boss, from the other side of the country. It seems the conference I sent him to is actually happening next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 6 999

By Anonymous - 29/01/2017 14:00 - United States

Today, a few people in my class used calculators on the math final exam, even though it clearly stated at the top that they weren't allowed. The teacher found out, and now everyone has to retake the 200-question exam. I didn't even use a calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 657

You deserved it 479

By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/04/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 580

You deserved it 3 097

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 481

You deserved it 14 663

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 526

You deserved it 399

By foreversingle - 30/06/2013 18:09 - Netherlands - Helmond

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 378

You deserved it 3 975

By you're shitting me - 27/05/2013 05:05 - Australia

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 586

You deserved it 3 231

By anon - 22/05/2015 02:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 246

You deserved it 2 151

By RoyallyGrossedOut - 19/06/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 312

You deserved it 5 748

By Miss Spasticator - 26/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 676

You deserved it 4 167

Not digging for gold

By metroido - 10/11/2021 02:00

Today, my mom asked me, “Why in the world are you attracted to your boyfriend AT ALL if he isn’t rich?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 046

You deserved it 35 348

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Danby

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 515

You deserved it 2 701

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 015

You deserved it 3 609

Stalker vibes

By porkieworkie - 21/04/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, after getting off the phone with a girl I'm interested in, I parked on campus and ate my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 657

You deserved it 9 247

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 687

You deserved it 7 465

By Antoine Karam - 27/06/2019 04:30

Today, I was invited to an engagement. My crush is getting engaged next month to a man she told me she hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 225

By Kev - 20/08/2014 17:53 - United States - Flemington

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 062

You deserved it 43 716

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 914

You deserved it 13 016

By reckless - 17/07/2010 19:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 502

You deserved it 60 980

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 23 318

You deserved it 2 172

Oh, the irony

By HassledAirfarer - 07/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an "inconsiderate, selfish bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 929

You deserved it 2 427

By notmyfam - 09/09/2016 07:47 - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 501

You deserved it 1 027

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 20:37 - United States - North Bend

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 483

You deserved it 2 869

By alix - 24/08/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 241

You deserved it 3 079

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 471

You deserved it 7 566

By stupidlights - 07/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I left my lights on in my car. I realized it at lunch, made sure to turn the lights off and tried to start it. The battery was dead, and I called my dad to jump it before I got back from my game. I come back from my game and the lights were on. He left the lights on after the jump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 384

You deserved it 6 245

By Ishikur - 03/02/2016 13:33 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 432

You deserved it 1 624

By fuckshit - 04/11/2014 14:01

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 4 575

By gr8 - 28/09/2018 17:30

Today, because I had to leave the country without notice and didn't have reception to notify my college, I have been irreversibly dropped from all my classes without a refund and will have to reapply for January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 415

You deserved it 513

Tonight, on Idiots in Cars…

By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 05/04/2020 08:00

Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 130

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 763

You deserved it 2 960

By Hormones apparently - 08/12/2015 02:32 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 874

You deserved it 3 528

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 388

You deserved it 24 461

Repaired

By Anonymous - 14/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, I paid a repairman $65 to come to my house to fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side that said, "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said, "All fixed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 251

You deserved it 45 153

By MUemma - 26/02/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 818

You deserved it 48 190

Fun is overrated

By Jess56 - 06/09/2019 06:01 - United States

Today, I met the exchange student who will be living with us for a year. As we were talking, she told me that she doesn't like reading, writing, drawing, athletics, watching television or listening to music. What does she like to do during her free time? Study. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 229

By Mike - 16/10/2012 08:07 - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 2 977

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Monday 22 February 2010 22:56

Put some filthy erotic poetry in the trash with graphic imagery of nasty sex scenes. Just as she is getting orgasmic over it, end it by addressing it to your dad. That ought to fix it.

xKazama_Blood 0

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:03

That's weird and disturbing at the same time.

Comments

MadeOfAwesome 1

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:03

they say you can learn a lot about a person by going through their garbage... so what have you been doing lately that makes this an FML?

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 4:36

crazy haha get a restraining order against ur mom

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 4:53

restraining order won't help trash taken to the road is public property.

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Saturday 22 March 2014 20:32

it will help hense the being restrained 100 feet away even if its on the street she cant bw qithin the cetain limit.

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:03

cute

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:51

on no fuck your life big time the smallest violin!

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:52

obsessed

Bugatti_Veyron 1

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Monday 22 February 2010 22:27

she "goes through your garbage"? is that some weird sexual term you kids use nowadays?

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Monday 22 February 2010 22:29

yes it is

MF12 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 0:28

oh I'm surprised you didn't say something like "YDI for having garbage!!! if you would stop being a lazy fatass, maybe you would have a bugatti like me and a maid!!!"

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 0:40

#45 stop the trolling

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 2:56

seriously 45.

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 3:16

bugatti is a sexy car. I changed my name to that on facebook

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 4:42

12 that pic is just plain awesome...

albinomustang 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:21

You're lucky, I would have heard her, pulled out my 10mm Delta Elite, and shot first, asked questions later.

iSwag 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 8:45

I'd feel bad that my mom no longer had a life and spent time going through garbage...a little depressing to see someone you love that much to be doing something like that @ 34 do you really own a Bugatti?

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 3:06

I hate that too. my parents made a facebook pretending to be me, creepy much?

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 4:12

you never actually "move out" you always live with your parents in you mind and their minds.,.. there's no escape!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 24 February 2010 7:20

Keep the trash inside the house until garbage day... problem solved. Well, unless you mom has a house key... if she does, get new locks... if she STILL gets in, get her arrested for tresspassing. If she STILL continues after the last thing I said... go threw her trash and see how she likes it.

elmo6 0

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Sunday 11 April 2010 15:11

wow

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Monday 4 October 2010 12:00

Hey 34, if that's your car in the picture, how come I can search blue bugatti veyron on google and it's like the 3rd image to show up.

cadillacgal79 32

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Thursday 10 July 2014 6:41

63-is your pic a Hitler pikachu?

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:03

maybe thats her occupation >=00 everyone has to pay the bills somehow

xKazama_Blood 0

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:03

That's weird and disturbing at the same time.

z620 0

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Monday 22 February 2010 21:28

wat is shexpecting to find

xKazama_Blood 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 1:59

who knows...

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:07

was she wearing ur old used condom on her head?

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:09

cans maybe? :] or she's doing come kind of voodoo magic! D:

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:22

some* ugh! stupid phone.

DeathStar_fml 0

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:11

you deserved it shoula told ur mom that shes acting like a retard

smurfsarwales 9

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Monday 13 June 2011 12:04

meh

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:12

have you asked her why she does this?

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Monday 22 February 2010 22:32

hahaha

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 0:51

Best. Comment. Ever.

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Saturday 28 August 2010 20:59

this man is a genius

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:12

put something nasty in there. or just some syrup.

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Monday 22 February 2010 20:15

You must have some pretty awesome leftovers!

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 578

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 69