Health and School: Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 84

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 175

25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 780

You deserved it 238

Own it

Late term

Just a prank, bro!

19/11/2015 22:00

Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 999

You deserved it 2 142

30/11/2011 11:17

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 800

You deserved it 6 034

31/10/2012 06:18

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 106

You deserved it 3 570

NParents represent!

By Familyvisits - 31/08/2021 08:01

Today, my parents have been whining about me spending a weekend there, so I did. I have severe IBS and sent them the list of foods I can eat 2 weeks ago when I told them I was coming. They had no food in the house that I could eat without getting sick, and got offended when I didn’t eat or tried to buy my own food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 86

That's quite a gamble, sir

By Enrique - 29/04/2021 23:01

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 2 521

03/03/2010 06:06

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 588

You deserved it 2 817

12/03/2016 05:58

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 794

You deserved it 1 683

30/12/2016 01:56

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 324

You deserved it 365

The virus claims another victim

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 16:58

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 145

01/05/2013 14:27

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 871

You deserved it 76 295

Three's company

By Geoff - 21/12/2020 07:58

Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 520

07/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 948

You deserved it 222

03/01/2014 22:36

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 028

You deserved it 3 709

04/02/2009 17:04

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 6 886

27/02/2014 14:34

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 031

You deserved it 61 080

31/01/2012 17:31

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 006

You deserved it 5 347

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 86

29/09/2015 22:00

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 9 086

12/02/2012 10:36

Today, I had just finished an elaborate charcoal drawing as part of a college application that took a good week. When I read over the requirements, I found out it needed to be done in graphite pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 531

You deserved it 37 764

07/02/2012 17:58

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 907

You deserved it 35 354

Scam artists

By oldladiesbecrazy - 03/09/2021 07:59

Today, in a market, an old lady stood beside me for a few moments, not saying a word, before turning to me and screaming that I'd taken the money out of her purse. Security was called and I was given the ultimatum to either go to jail or give her the money back. Now I have no food for next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 97

30/09/2018 15:00

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 272

09/02/2011 07:32

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 7 513

13/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was in school when a guy grabbed my breast, so I swore at him and shoved him away. I got detention and he walked away unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 715

You deserved it 216

30/07/2011 04:35

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 613

You deserved it 5 259

25/05/2011 16:06

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 311

You deserved it 9 576

04/04/2011 16:23

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 625

You deserved it 3 551

22/03/2017 17:00

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 294

You deserved it 1 651

29/07/2015 17:00

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 1 687

03/03/2012 13:55

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 10 691

08/12/2013 13:19

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 559

You deserved it 4 085

08/03/2010 03:08

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 291

You deserved it 38 395

22/03/2015 01:04

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 045

You deserved it 3 326

11/07/2011 21:08

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 613

You deserved it 24 519

Family matters

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 84

06/10/2011 10:46

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 475

You deserved it 11 288

21/11/2008 10:06

Spicy

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 178

You deserved it 4 332

21/07/2009 18:53

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 523

You deserved it 8 610

24/09/2010 23:10

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 119

You deserved it 7 889

24/10/2009 12:20

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 238

You deserved it 6 192

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Top comments

interesting33 36

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Thursday 16 August 2018 13:11

OP this is so serious. Please PLEASE press charges! she is dangerous and needs help. and you need support as a victim of an awful crime. you should get compensation. hopefully a good plastic surgeon will be able to fix the initials.

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Thursday 16 August 2018 15:54

Make sure you introduce her to those assault and battery charges.

Comments

interesting33 36

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Thursday 16 August 2018 13:11

OP this is so serious. Please PLEASE press charges! she is dangerous and needs help. and you need support as a victim of an awful crime. you should get compensation. hopefully a good plastic surgeon will be able to fix the initials.

interesting33 36

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Thursday 16 August 2018 13:12

but I would recommend getting some counselling or something because this is a horrible experience and traumatic.

themetropolitan 17

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Saturday 11 January 2020 5:50

Yeah, and if you can't afford plastic surgery, you can sue her for the money it will cost !

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Thursday 16 August 2018 15:54

Make sure you introduce her to those assault and battery charges.

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Sunday 26 August 2018 22:14

And don’t forget the lawsuit to cover pain and damages. Reconstructive plastic surgery isn’t cheap.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 25 August 2018 15:27

He’s a lucky guy. Of course, he’ll probably end up having to visit his dedicated girlfriend in prison or the psych ward.

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Saturday 25 August 2018 15:56

So her boyfriend stood by and watched, did he? Because it sounds like you’re saying he was there talking to you when she came along.

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Sunday 26 August 2018 4:53

To be fair... if he is a rational person? When she came up and did assaulted that poor girl, he may froze. A lot of people freeze when they witness an attack like that. It’s hard to even know where to begin with how awful what happened to her is, let alone actually seeing it. I hope she gets all the help she needs and the attacker gets the book thrown at her.

ohsnapword 21

Saturday 25 August 2018 16:18

I hope this post was the third thing you did after filing charges and contacting a good personal injury attorney.

wanted_2_want 40

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Saturday 25 August 2018 16:22

She needs some time out. Behind bars. And a straitjacket

lat187 18

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Saturday 25 August 2018 16:41

We are here for you OP. Restraining order and press charges to work towards keeping you safe in the future. Prayers for a speedy recovery.

Paul B. Gyurcsanszky 14

Saturday 25 August 2018 16:56

Girl should be in jail!

silentbabydeer 10

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Saturday 25 August 2018 16:57

I feel like this has to be one of the worst FML I have ever read. In seriousness though I hope you pressed charges against her. I hope the plastic surgeon will be able to fix this for you but as for your traumatic experience I hope you will consider getting help in coping with this. As for this “boyfriend”, I really hope he broke it off with his girlfriend after what she did to you because that’s a huge red flag for him being in relationship with controlling psycho.

AstroTurfMatador 11

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Sunday 26 August 2018 8:25

"I feel like this has to be one of the worst FML I have ever read. In seriousness though I " Wait...so your first sentence was a joke?

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Saturday 25 August 2018 17:09

Testimony at the trial to the judge: "Would you like to know...how I got these scars?"