Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML
Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
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Top comments
VVeetard 8
milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
victoriaax3 0
Atleast it wasn't a hobo .
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Comments (365)
Zestus 19
That SUCKS
chel325 2
inb4 I see what you did there
nhlnba2 6
I guess it would be bad to bring up suckling pigs right now.
MyDogTastesBad 0
Notice how she has a baby before marriage. YDI.
MyDogTastesBad 0
Notice how she has a baby before marriage. YDI.
Hockeyboy4280 18
I was born out of wedlock, are the Gods now going to smite me? :(
syddyb 0
When I read this, I thought it said ex boyfriend. It was funnier that way...:/
AnagenisisZagus 13
Don't feed da fudda fuggin trolls, Jo.
TheDrifter 23
You tell em Pendatik. Husbands are so last century, baby daddies ftw. After all, why would she keep a husband after childbirth? Child Support will milk him of cash more effectively anyhow.
mamamiaaa_fml 12
that's pretty sucked up? ^ it's supposed to be humorous because I wrote sucked instead of ****** because OP's boyfriend was sucking on her (OP's) breastasis. no? okay.
Justice4None 0
#32... the only reason you'd see an issue with this is if you base it on morals, and the morals of having a child out of wedlock are based on the Christian bible and the bible teaches Christians not to judge... by those standards your own religion is sentencing you to eternal damnation in hell...
Stef__414 0
totally agree with 51 !!
hellogoodbye1996 6
actually you can judge according to the bible.
hellogoodbye1996 6
actually you can judge according to the bible.
justalilrandom2 4
Actually 51 just about every religious text agrees, don't pin this one on the bible bashers. I don't know every single text inside and out, but I have yet to find one that condones illegitimate bastard children.
TomFeltonFan 0
lmao @50
Justice4None 0
71 fair enough... I shouldn't have singled out one religion what I should have said is that any person who can rely on a book for the answer to all the worlds issues obviously doesn't have enough brains to make correct moral or logical observations
nerdchic 5
so was I! I was even in my moms wedding lol! so I guess we're gonna get smited... lol that sucks :P
justalilrandom2 4
Sadly some people do need written guidelines, they are idiots. The added bonus of it being given by a "higher power" is part if what keeps society together, without it anarchy would ensue.
SirEBC 7
Correct moral observations? Please explain.
nerdchic 5
like! lol
irish_unity 0
Same #92! What I don't understand is how come the illegitimate bastard child is the one punished/ judged by god? We aren't the ones who had sex and a baby out of wedlock. Don't shoot the messenger..... Don't blame the bastard kids?
Justice4None 0
I will explain correct moral observations by defining incorrect moral observations... an incorrect moral observation would be confusing religion with morals such as having a baby out of wedlock. Nothing morally wrong about that, just that various religions are against it. It's not harming anyone and people can live a perfectly fine life with that decision. No?
Sirin_fml 46
It really wasn't necessary to feed the troll. It's FMyLife, not TwatCentral. Religious debates are annoying and a nuisance to the other users.
SirEBC 7
Define "perfectly fine."
impregnator 0
at 50. breastasis should be breatases.
heyimjennyFML 5
9 MONTH old. not 9 year old..
SirEBC 7
But mooooommm. I wuz having fun. UGH I CAN'T DO NOTHING! Fine, sorry.
irish_unity 0
#118 - if they are so annoying and just a nuisance why did you comment? You also said it wasn't necessary to feed the troll? This is a comment board, it's here for people to state their opinion and debate if they wish to. No point being hypocritical by saying don't feed the troll when you are.
MyDogTastesBad 0
35 of course not! You had no choice so why would it be your fault. Only the parents deserved it. And this wasn't meant to be a religious conversation, just stated what I thought :)
rawrzy 0
Correct me if I'm wrong but from what I know "God" supposedly created us in his image, has a plan for us all and let's not forget he works in mysterious ways, so how do we know that those born out of wedlock aren't part of his master plan? And if you think about it, isn't Jesus technically a bastard child?
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
"god is dead" - Nietzsche
MyDogTastesBad 0
136 Bible claims Jesus was born through God himself so you're wrong :)
DocBastard 38
"Nietzsche is dead." - God
Protolisk 0
#i36 Finally someone who sees this. Two free internets for you.
bigblue95 0
all religions are bullshit. end of story...
MyDogTastesBad 0
143 you wrong too
Sirin_fml 46
"This thread is dead." - Satan, aka Joykill, aka Me.
MyDogTastesBad 0
lol ok
brianjman14 22
Damnit Sirin, I wanted to read it all. I love to see how people are truly stupid. It gives me a laugh. >:(
MyDogTastesBad 0
I just stated my opinion, everyone else just fanned the flames.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
it's ok #150 you can just look in the mirror HIO
brianjman14 22
That was unnecessarily rude. -.-
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
sirin...
MyDogTastesBad 0
No I didn't discriminate race or sexual preference this time. :)
allanaskye 0
Comment Moderated. (I wonder if people will notice if this is fake)
KingDingALing 9
Jesus Christ, what is this? A moderation party? Why wasn't I invited?! :( You son of a bitch! What? Just because I'm young means I don't know how to party? Well screw you then! I'm a party animal! Fine then, your loss!
lemonypower 6
Wait. What was this thread even about??
nissanman_fml 16
Holy moly, I've never seen so many moderated comments in a single FML before. Can someone enlighten me as to what was said? I mean, besides the fact that it was a religious debate of sorts.
Cheesehead72 0
dude, you're vicious. why don't you take that aggression out on a a speed bag? instead of everyone on fml..
JojoChuo 8
I thought that 170! I thought my phone was playing up D:
impregnator 0
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moderateddddddddddddd for breast feeding y'all
justalilrandom2 4
That sucks? More like HE sucks... Eh?
josephhhhhh 0
Comment moderated.
josephhhhhh 0
Comment moderated.
JCBaseball13 6
that was funny :)
mamamiaaa_fml 12
hmm that's strange. what I said had nothing to do with race or religion or whatever but alright then.
No_LoveMM 3
Should change "Comment Moderated" to "Anally Violated with Coke Bottle."
itsmissjox3 0
o.o comment moderated much?
josephhhhhh 0
why my comments keep ******* deleted or moderated. FREEDOM of speech bitches, this is AMERICA not AFGHANISTAN
josephhhhhh 0
why my comments keep ******* deleted or moderated. FREEDOM of speech bitches, this is AMERICA not AFGHANISTAN
josephhhhhh 0
why my comments keep ******* deleted or moderated. FREEDOM of speech bitches, this is AMERICA not AFGHANISTAN
Happygofucky 0
RAAAAAGEEEEE JOSEPHHH RAGEEE. STICK IT TO THE MAN, YEAH! This isn't America it is the ******* internet.
BIGxWILL 0
it kinda did
josephhhhhh 0
why my comments keep ******* deleted or moderated. FREEDOM of speech bitches, this is AMERICA not AFGHANISTAN
Zya_fml 8
I forgot what this FML was about after reading all the comments/replies.
nhlnba2 6
It's... MODZILLA. He's on his latest rampage through the streets of FMLand
Isabel312 0
I wonder if op was into it.
RavenRiley007 4
you should be ashamed of yourself young lady...for missing out on your second twin's birth!! cuz apparently you have two 9 month old babies!
pinedo39 0
you totally fooled me
LTHoratioCaine 4
a slap to the face, something else his mother didnt give him
jenaandtyler4eva 0
you need to tell him that you need all that for the baby cause you do need every single amount you get out of it for the baby
alissa_roar 6
Not for a nine-month-old baby. He should be mostly on solid by now.
rawyak 4
well all the boyfriend wanted was some nookie or boosum and he didn't want to rape u so he took the boosum
Brittaneyyy 0
I know a 3 year old who still breast feeds
TabzTheLoserKidd 4
ummm why?
lovesoftball7 0
weirrrrd
jeffav51 0
****
grizzvolleyball9 4
Well if he takes the occasional "suck" there will still be PLENTY for the baby. It's just a matter of morals now..
rawyak 4
nice one griz mon
cgrimm18 0
yum
AceArctic 4
173, it's pronounced 36 months ;3
sterlingarcher 1
ydi for still breastfeeding your baby! that's kind of old..don't ya think?
Chunkylover76 4
Breast milk is awesome! Tastes like cantaloupe melon!! Plus it's hot as hell when your chick is riding you and she's all hot and bothered and that stuff is just leaking everywhere all over you! mmmmmmmmm
FlonkertonChamp 6
how on earth is 9 months old too old?! the american academy of pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST a year, and the world health organization recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years. kudos to the OP for still breastfeeding!
hannah1203 2
173, after my mom had me she met a lady in the Dr's office who had a 12 year old who still nursed. Yeah, pretty gross and a true story.
dont_stop_believ 0
lol that's kindof cute in a totally disgusting kind of way...
skreech96 0
I agree. I don't know why people think it's such a big deal.
YouFailForLife 7
Is everyone ignoring the fact that OP's bf has a serious Oedipus complex?
FlonkertonChamp 6
the american academy of pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 1 year. the world health organization recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 2 years. so no, 9 months old is not "too old".
iVolleyball 0
Are you retarded?! The baby is only 9 months old! Mothers are encouraged to try to breast feed for the first 2 years.
diversgal 9
That's bullshit! 9 months is not too old to be still breast feeding a baby! Doctors recommend up to at least 15 months! I fed both my kids until 14 months. It only stands them in good stead for the future!
Zoelovesyouloljk 0
o.O eww.
Takador 3
did it taste good?
tulsafml 0
^this^^^ lol^ ^.^ :D :D :D
mljetawo 0
grosss O.o
afroninjashuffle 0
that's what I want to know
zemo999 0
Drinks are on the house!!!
justalilrandom2 4
Paragliders are evil people, they ruin the sky. Anything doing less than 80 knots should not be allowed to fly...
DANATTACK 0
holla
narutou546 4
lmao
PatRme 9
Yea nigga
arandomthot5 1
Umm. Those are ultralights I believe. Not very evil.
victoriaax3 0
Atleast it wasn't a hobo .
KMilliron 2
Always keeping it posi.
xdust 4
Ya it could have been worse
TomFeltonFan 0
atleast it wasn't a dinosaur. everything can be more positive now! :D
victoriaax3 0
always thinking on the up side .
o76923 8
That was the ending of Grapes of Wrath, right?
VVeetard 8
milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
victoriaax3 0
#8- win :D
kapeazodia 0
lol u stupid for dat one. u have just made my boring day lol
AnagenisisZagus 13
Dats all dat ma G.
justalilrandom2 4
Could anyone tell me what language 46 is speaking? I'm intrigued by it, where can I learn it?
weregirl 0
omg. I love you. equals3
lakeybalboa 0
that has nothing to with =3? =3 is stupid as **** cuz
kruzito 0
46 speaks high school dropout.
justalilrandom2 4
Thanks 83, where would I learn it?
victoriaax3 0
Obviouslly not in high school , 84. Maybe Jupiter. It's nice this time of year :D.
justalilrandom2 4
I asked a High School, they said they didn't offer it for current students. How about a community college? Do you think they would teach it? I would like to study this culture, learn if their rituals, beliefs and practices. I think I'll make a documentary.
xdust 4
You know not what you type!
Bravo11 14
High School Drop Out. Classic. Win.
wowzersselainee 0
Lmfaooooo it's a song
justalilrandom2 4
I think it should be "my milkshake brings all the boys to my bra." How about that?
siickman 7
win.... i wanna learn it as well
Randall777858 0
I'll feed you somethin ;)
jacetopia96 1
awwwwwww yeaahhhhh
LoveLife293 2
more like BED (:
Phel 0
Lol
RavenRiley007 4
lmao
12em12 1
i was jw, is ur pic hatsune miku??
Happygofucky 0
OMNOMNOM BOOBIE MILK. Creepy boyfriend..
bebe088 0
wtf?
CHrissalee 0
Ewwww!
tophatprincess 0
Well I think that he was jealous of your baby.
daisy193 0
Ew?
TomFeltonFan 0
de ja vu, when I looked at your photo :D I hope Satan smites you(: sorry sorry, very random.