Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
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Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
Saluton 18
"minding your own business"? Does that mean masturbating?
netfreak 0
BOOM! NUTSHOT
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Comments (79)
wangle 2
you need a new roommate
A_50cal_goes 0
BOOM Headshot!!!
netfreak 0
BOOM! NUTSHOT
Penetration 0
/slap "STOP MASTURBATING!"
sarahbella101 7
Are your balls ok??? lol
tpm45 25
Boom! Dick-head shot!
Shabba_13 13
"Head"shot!
Saluton 18
"minding your own business"? Does that mean masturbating?
Peroxide 3
Yes, yes it does. Now the OP has a broken erection. Im no doctor but im pretty sure we'll have to amputate. Don't worry OP, we'll give you a lovely ****** instead.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
just make sure not to "Joan Rivers" it and he should be fine.
wellinever 5
Can't wait to read your rommate's payback FML.
itsAleki 0
Bet you liked that.. haha
peaceouthannie 0
Please tell me you go to Mizzou. Or that you go to Kansas. If you're at Kansas, it's YDI.
alexdz 0
If you go to Mizzou, that's cool...so do I!!!
zrhcrx 0
I go to Mizzou too, I really hope it was and I wanna know what dorm it was in!
DarkKnyte 0
Wow. Time to stomp your roommate's nuts while he's sleeping...
ilovefatcats 12
#8 I agree
wienerwagon 0
You deserve it for living with somebody who thinks it's acceptable to smack your butt without asking.
pleasetryagain 0
#9 deserves it for being a prude and a stick in the mud.
sven25 0
I spend a lot of time hoping someone will smack mine.... Lucky dog!
amy397123 0
Who the crap asks if they can smack someone's ass? You sound like an awfully boring person #9
GreenHacker 0
lol, "Yo roomie, can I slap yo ass right quick?"
lidomissmango 0
haha
perdix 29
If you are not gay, you must consider changing either your roommate or your sexual orientation. If you choose to change nothing, I can only imagine what fate awaits you it if you take to falling asleep face down.
AcesAndEights 0
lmfao
The_Pleb 0
i dont get it
perdix 29
Do you mean you don't get any sex, or don't understand the story? If it is the latter, the roommate slapped the OP's genitalia really hard. If it's the former, keezmovies.com.