Miscellaneous: Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room....

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 998

You deserved it 3 007

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Same thing different taste

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 017

You deserved it 7 504

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 5 853

By sociallyanxiousroomie - 19/04/2016 10:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 555

You deserved it 1 630

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 565

You deserved it 3 740

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 578

You deserved it 6 347

By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 544

You deserved it 21 358

By NickJJ - 16/05/2014 02:34 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 494

You deserved it 18 442

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 160

You deserved it 9 525

By Sawarski - 07/01/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 665

You deserved it 3 299

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 132

Saluton 18

Monday 26 October 2009 16:17

"minding your own business"? Does that mean masturbating?

netfreak 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:15

BOOM! NUTSHOT

Comments

wangle 2

Monday 26 October 2009 16:14

you need a new roommate

A_50cal_goes 0

Thursday 2 September 2010 17:38

BOOM Headshot!!!

netfreak 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:15

BOOM! NUTSHOT

Penetration 0

Tuesday 27 October 2009 2:45

/slap "STOP MASTURBATING!"

sarahbella101 7

Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:41

Are your balls ok??? lol

tpm45 25

Thursday 28 November 2013 20:43

Boom! Dick-head shot!

Shabba_13 13

Saturday 18 January 2014 0:47

"Head"shot!

Saluton 18

Monday 26 October 2009 16:17

"minding your own business"? Does that mean masturbating?

Peroxide 3

Monday 26 October 2009 16:28

Yes, yes it does. Now the OP has a broken erection. Im no doctor but im pretty sure we'll have to amputate. Don't worry OP, we'll give you a lovely ****** instead.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Monday 26 October 2009 17:09

just make sure not to "Joan Rivers" it and he should be fine.

wellinever 5

Monday 26 October 2009 16:17

Can't wait to read your rommate's payback FML.

itsAleki 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:21

Bet you liked that.. haha

peaceouthannie 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:22

Please tell me you go to Mizzou. Or that you go to Kansas. If you're at Kansas, it's YDI.

alexdz 0

Monday 26 October 2009 17:00

If you go to Mizzou, that's cool...so do I!!!

zrhcrx 0

Monday 26 October 2009 20:21

I go to Mizzou too, I really hope it was and I wanna know what dorm it was in!

DarkKnyte 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:28

Wow. Time to stomp your roommate's nuts while he's sleeping...

ilovefatcats 12

Sunday 21 March 2010 23:53

#8 I agree

wienerwagon 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:32

You deserve it for living with somebody who thinks it's acceptable to smack your butt without asking.

pleasetryagain 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:36

#9 deserves it for being a prude and a stick in the mud.

sven25 0

Monday 26 October 2009 19:57

I spend a lot of time hoping someone will smack mine.... Lucky dog!

amy397123 0

Tuesday 27 October 2009 4:03

Who the crap asks if they can smack someone's ass? You sound like an awfully boring person #9

GreenHacker 0

Tuesday 27 October 2009 6:01

lol, "Yo roomie, can I slap yo ass right quick?"

lidomissmango 0

Saturday 27 March 2010 19:54

haha

perdix 29

Monday 26 October 2009 16:38

If you are not gay, you must consider changing either your roommate or your sexual orientation. If you choose to change nothing, I can only imagine what fate awaits you it if you take to falling asleep face down.

AcesAndEights 0

Monday 26 October 2009 19:00

lmfao

The_Pleb 0

Monday 26 October 2009 16:42

i dont get it

perdix 29

Monday 26 October 2009 17:40

Do you mean you don't get any sex, or don't understand the story? If it is the latter, the roommate slapped the OP's genitalia really hard. If it's the former, keezmovies.com.