Animals: Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all...

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 834

You deserved it 5 178

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 124

You deserved it 625

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 800

You deserved it 3 183

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 616

You deserved it 2 843

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 518

You deserved it 3 236

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 991

You deserved it 9 662

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 574

You deserved it 7 507

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 98

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 25 163

By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 664

You deserved it 6 010

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 414

You deserved it 34 821

Welshite 39

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...

kost4060 14

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face

Comments

lynds71 12

Thursday 17 July 2014 6:45

My does this to my private parts too. Its so gross. But my dog loves panties.

raptaki 8

Thursday 17 July 2014 9:19

Actually all dogs clean their balls so... lol

Ki11erC 18

Thursday 17 July 2014 11:24

So it would of been fine if you didn't know? I have a cat that I know licks her ass on a regular basis and she knows not to lick me.

Awnonymous 4

Thursday 17 July 2014 11:29

fmylife.com: Slightly annoyed white people

Mooglefox 23

Thursday 17 July 2014 15:32

This is why I don't let dogs lick my face at all.

rinoa_fml 10

Thursday 17 July 2014 15:39

Why does your dog have balls?

Omniprism 14

Thursday 17 July 2014 19:23

His balls are just like the rest of him- covered in fur. It's his penis I wouldn't want to be kissed afterwards. His balls aren't like people balls all sweaty and such.