Intimacy: Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my... - FML

By sa la vash - 14/03/2015 08:22 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 8 238

Batman

Hiding from the drama

Two rooms, two atmospheres

By Anonymous - 24/05/2016 10:30 - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 666

You deserved it 1 304

By Anonymous - 15/06/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 124

You deserved it 22 414

By Rrae - 25/02/2019 02:00

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 204

You deserved it 3 552

By naughtyshirt - 22/08/2009 09:29 - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 762

You deserved it 4 481

Mom gets some

By not a photographer - 21/06/2020 08:08

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 128

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 127

You deserved it 49 315

By Anonymous - 25/03/2018 19:00

Today, my girlfriend named our daughter Aspen. Ass. Pen. When I hear her name I will always think of a pen in a butthole. No doubt her future classmates will too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 826

You deserved it 1 424

By AgentOrion - 29/08/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 184

You deserved it 5 889

Fussy eater

By germaphobe - 19/08/2021 20:59 - United States

Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 115

By tuppu - 03/11/2010 14:35 - Finland

Spicy

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 059

You deserved it 3 343

Going well

By Sam - 25/06/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 922

You deserved it 4 410

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 30 828

Obsession by Calvin Klein

By Carrie - 04/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 273

By BleakExpectations - 12/03/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years revealed he'd got me a complete collection of Charles Dickens' novels for £3 from a charity shop. He was particularly proud as he said it meant he could give me one for Christmas and my birthday each year, thus avoiding having to buy me presents for the next 15+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 848

You deserved it 587

By HunniBeeHuni - 17/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 306

You deserved it 27 898

By pamcakes - 09/07/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 371

You deserved it 1 254

Cheaply romantic

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 16:00

Today, I walked into a dollar store as my boyfriend's girlfriend. I came out as his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 428

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 05:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 610

You deserved it 18 015

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 836

You deserved it 3 083

By CassyM - 03/04/2017 10:00 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 775

By iceman123432 - 02/09/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 059

You deserved it 4 221

By screwed - 30/10/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 948

You deserved it 5 415

By singlesummer - 25/06/2012 08:32 - United States - Compton

Today, I was watching a movie alone, after receiving a text from my boyfriend saying that his grandma was at the hospital, so he couldn't go with me. I caught him on a date with another girl, at the same movie screening that I went to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 905

You deserved it 2 562

Prison Break

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 16:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my daughter's best friends birthday party, only to find my ex there, who is now sleeping with the mother, who has a fiancé in prison, who isn't going to be happy when he gets out. Most awkward kids birthday party ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 166

By Application - 28/07/2015 20:44 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 655

You deserved it 2 089

By steve - 23/12/2011 03:02 - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 419

You deserved it 35 750

By Fsd - 05/11/2008 07:35 - France

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 314

You deserved it 46 984

By conductingfromthegrave - 01/07/2009 05:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 245

You deserved it 4 547

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 560

By ohno - 17/03/2015 20:35 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 2 597

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 988

You deserved it 3 808

How could you?

By Lolzords - 14/09/2010 10:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the stairs holding a glass of water, when I tripped. I don't know what hurts more, that I'm still picking glass out of my hand or that my mum is still ranting about the water I'd spilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 2 731

Seasonal allergies

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 06:01

Today, I sneezed inside my helmet when I was driving 90 mph on my motorbike. No quick solutions were available to improve visibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 225

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 05:29 - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 1 831

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 147

You deserved it 75 355

By too cool - 01/07/2014 03:59 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 293

You deserved it 3 335

Redecorating

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 17:12 - United Kingdom - Amersham

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 957

You deserved it 12 318

By bird-brain - 21/11/2009 12:19 - Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 380

You deserved it 5 130

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Top comments

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Saturday 14 March 2015 23:57

You scared him limp ? That must be a hell of a facial expression.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:00

Why did you have a resting bitch face while having sex? Not something I'd expect to see when with someone either..

Comments

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Saturday 14 March 2015 23:57

You scared him limp ? That must be a hell of a facial expression.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 1:21

The real question is why she had an expressionless face during sex

RayneSmytson 24

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Sunday 15 March 2015 4:55

You'd be surprised how easy it is! Especially if your partner isn't that good!

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Sunday 15 March 2015 7:39

Maybe it's just me 55, but if I'm with someone even if the sex isn't that good I'm still enjoying it because I care about them.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Sunday 15 March 2015 12:12

Try using your happy face?...

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Sunday 15 March 2015 18:21

For some reason I imagine op being one of those girls that doesn't do anything during sex. Just laying there giving her boyfriend her "bitch face" expression. That would totally creep me out too.

Dikle 9

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 12:00

Indeed 78, nothing is more unsexy then the girl doing nothing at all. It's better if they actually doing something and react on what the guy is doing

Saturday 14 March 2015 23:57

Shouldn't have did it then,YDI...

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:03

It's a "resting bitch face," she didn't do it purposefully. It just happens.. use Google to find out what it is, next time.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:09

During sex her face shouldn't be emotionless so I guess he was doing something wrong...

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:40

He meant she deserves it because who makes a "resting bitch face" during sex .. He wasn't saying she shouldn't make the face period ...

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Sunday 15 March 2015 4:45

The whole point of a resting bitch face is the fact that it's just your face. I have a resting bitch face and I don't even know when my face looks like that unless someone asks if I'm ok. So she prob had no idea she was doing it

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Sunday 15 March 2015 6:42

It's just her face. She can't help if she doesn't have one of pure pleasure the entire time, maybe her boyfriend wasn't doing something right or she just wasn't feeling it? I still don't see how this can be a YDI, her face naturally appears that way.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Sunday 15 March 2015 7:41

Resting bitch face means it looks like you're upset when your face is RESTING. Ones face shouldn't be resting during sex. I suffer from RBF but have never had a complaint of it during sex

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Saturday 14 March 2015 23:58

Damn OP that's hard!

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:00

*soft*

xlord 27

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Saturday 14 March 2015 23:59

On the bright side, you're all set for Halloween!!

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:00

Why did you have a resting bitch face while having sex? Not something I'd expect to see when with someone either..

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:43

You need your "O" face on during sex not the "resting bitch face". For you that don't know the O face..... It's oh, oh, oh!! Anyone know what movie that's referenced from?

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:51

#22, Office Space :)

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Sunday 15 March 2015 3:04

Yeah, this. Sounds like it was boring sex.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 8:38

Awesome

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Wednesday 8 April 2015 15:55

Not everyone is a moaning or screaming mess in bed. Some people are quiet, and may not have the "O" expression on their face.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:00

Hmm wonder which is worse to see during sex... Resting bitch face, or awkward orgasm face.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:39

Resting bitch face. Must be shitty sex if she can pull that off. At least with the other one they're having an orgasm.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:47

Probably the resting bitch face ... That just means he sucks . If it's the awkward orgasm face then thats telling him that she's so focused on that orgasm and doesn't care what she looks ATM . And that my friend can only be called one thing ..... Talent

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:01

So your friends know what your sex face looks like? Interesting.

giantsfan2010 23

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:06

Guess you gotta do it doggy style now.

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:06

I want to see the face

AirBusDriver 23

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Sunday 15 March 2015 0:09

Pics, we want pics of your RBF woman!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 97

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 287