By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Spicy
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 596
You deserved it 8 351

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

What the hell were you doing to her?!

That's pretty harsh, at least you tried it out for her. I know some guys who always expect head and don't give anything back...

Comments

Don't worry. Practice makes perfect. Keep on trying ! Eventually you'll start to savor the fish taco. :P

Well thanks to that imagery I don't think I'll be going down on my girl tonight.... :/

I can't believe she got an attitude about it. >.>

^Everyone has a bitch switch. Some people forget to turn it off.

Still, it would benefit her to teach him what she likes rather than insult the man trying to please her. Everyone likes different things; communication is key for a satisfying sex life.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

47-She called him an idiot. That's pretty rude. I would never say that to my boyfriend, especially when he doing something for me.

38 - does your user name mean Petered?

Maybe it was because OP stopped that he got the death-glare.

Porn wouldn't help it's usually like 2 seconds of cunninglingus, if there's any at all lol

Fish taco? I don't quite understand why everyone thinks women taste like/ smell like fish/fish tacos down there... I sure as hell don't. Going down on a woman, they should faintly taste a little salty but if it's fishy you should tell her to get her shit checked out.

unknown_user5566 26

1- Agreed. From what I've gathered in my experience, as well as from talking to my friends, most guys don't get it right the first time. Every woman is different and should be treated as a learning experience; hopefully OP's girl stops acting like a bitch, and helps him out for round two.

70 I have never been with a girl that I would classify as salty. It's way more of a bitter taste almost tonic like metallic taste. And yes most women SMELL a little bit but do not taste like a fish.

Not SALTY. It almost tastes like nothing with a hint of salt. Like tears? It's hard to describe.

The ph of a normal, healthy vagina is around 4 - slightly acidic and therefore slightly sour-tasting. There may be some sodium in the secretions so the taste may also be slightly salty. Normal vaginas do not smell like fish unless they have a bacterial infection, which are common and can often be otherwise asymptomatic.

How bout she said that to him for stopping? She was probably about to climax and he looked up at the perfect wrong time. So he deserves it.

As an owner of a uterus, I fully acknowledge and accept that my genitals can and will smell like tuna if they so choose. Fortunately, I am in the habit of taking showers daily and am slightly OCD about my personal hygiene so those situations are rare.

I know what a natural lubrication tastes like haha. You don't have to explain it to me ma'am.

97- well you're cool....

98. I'm stating it because she's trying to explain to me what a fucking pussy tastes like. Get off your high horse.

A woman's diet will really effect the way they smell/taste down there. Red meat makes any body order smell not so pleasant, so that explains why a lot of women slightly have a smell. Fruits and veggies can even that out though! I've been a vegetarian for 3 years now and I've never smelled at all down there since. (Plus proper washing of course.)

Cunnilingus tastes like tears? How surprising...

OP, it's time to find a new girlfriend (:

Prob retarded,which looks stupid,idk why he made that his user name

What the hell were you doing to her?!

You are not supposed to eat it. Wait I mean, not literally...

Probably licking it like an ice-lolly :D

Probably didn't grind his teeth on her clitoris enough. That's what really makes the ladies scream.

32- That sounds painful. o.o

That's what I wanted to know!!! I'm dying of curiosity.

48: that's why they scream.

Crewboy, your comment brings me physical pain!

63 - Says the one with a dick punch for their profile picture.

76- it's because you're a drama queen. Getting all pissed off if you don't get what you want and sh*t.

69 - well played XD

Yeah, scream in pain!

I like how people are side-tracking in this reply section xD

There was aabout to be a "what yhe fuck did you do?" if you hadn't put this comment.

This why men are useless...

Should have paid a bit more attention to body language! Maybe you could have figured out what you were supposed to do!

The gf could have given some direction too.

You have to flick the bean....you can't forget that.

36 and 58 Both are true! She could have at least been a bit more nicer to help him .

Or op could have aspergers and is in capable of reading body language like myself

92- there is no evidence of that whatsoever. You are drawing a conclusion without anything backing it up.... Also it is uncommon and therefore the odds are not high.

92 - i have Aspergers and can still read body language... Are you the kind of person who sneezes and thinks he's got pneumonia?

92 - i have Aspergers and can still read body language... Are you the kind of person who sneezes and thinks he's got pneumonia?

There are different severities of Aspergers, and everyone has different symptoms of it. No need to be rude.

That's pretty harsh, at least you tried it out for her. I know some guys who always expect head and don't give anything back...

Yeah kudos for trying and Practice does make perfect ;)

I will definitely do you right when you want

I agree but the girlfriend didn't have to be a bitch about it. She should have told him politely that what he was doing wasn't working and she would love to give a few pointers.

Ask her to show you what she prefers, and try not to be too..over zealous.

It took you a minute or two to realize she wasn't enjoying it? Well that answers the question.

No one is good the first time

No one is "great" you can be good your first time if you have even the slightest idea of what is what.

Gotta watch more porn.

Amateur, but not "professionnal", where fake-titted, completely pubeless platinum blondes fake orgasms as easily as they take off clothes

Your picture goes quite well with your comment.

7- "dingleberg......"

Haha! nuke, touché.

If you do watch porn to learn how to go down on a girl, at least watch porn that's catered to "women". A crazy flickering tongue looks good on film but a more controlled, mouth that stays pressed against the body is a much better approach.

Dinkleberg...

So he can learn moves by watching some fake tits and drugged up guys with hard ons that last for like an hour? Oh and not to mention hurt the girl?Alrighty then.

even though OP was doing something wrong didnt mean the girlfriend had to be a bitch....

Exactly what I was thinking! What a mean girlfriend! ):

I hope you gave her clit a good solid bite after that.

I think OP would need to find it first.

Owwwwwwwww

Hurts just thinking about it!

I've been squirming since I read that

If you can't identify where the clitoris is, I understand why she reacted, but she has a pretty bad attitude.. I think her mistake is worse than the one you made. Keep your chin up OP, learn well and maybe get to satisfy a girl that doesn't act like a bitch?