Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
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Top comments
Spongii101 12
What the hell were you doing to her?!
DomDomxoxo 16
That's pretty harsh, at least you tried it out for her. I know some guys who always expect head and don't give anything back...
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Comments (155)
ZeroStick 3
Switch places and give the same reaction.
MrSassypants 34
And if she actually does well he should say "Wow! You must do this gazillions of billions of millions of thousands of hundreds of times!"
wlddog 14
I think you may be too young to be online.
missababgaga 19
She should be more grateful that you even tried
samanthatorres 13
Awwweh :(
tne201992 12
Now was it necessary to add the "eh"?
emeraldisle 30
Now you know what to say the next time she goes down on you.
B5B0N35 18
What were u doing thats the question
dabeast15 7
Wrong hole?
theluckyones 10
Naa She probably would've liked that..
jsolis1982 6
There is no wrong hole ;)
xNephilim 19
I would've quit and kicked her out. That was unnecessarily rude.
ydi_4_suking 20
What if they were at her house?
xNephilim 19
Touché. I would've quit and walked out then.
naughtylez82 4
What exactly were you doing op? There's books or even better ****. Read, watch and learn. I'm gonna say fyl on this one cause she didn't need to be a bitch
traveler_ghost 12
doesn't matter, gave head
traveler_ghost 12
*Errr, sorry, stupid comment on my part....
icemand90 17
constructive criticism. you're doing it wrong because... its not hard.
CharresBarkrey 16
If it's not hard, YOU'RE doing it wrong too.