By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Spicy
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
I agree, your life sucks 53 245
You deserved it 5 207

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Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind

They were the least of your problems?...Were there dragons and dead rats down there too?

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OP's girlfriend should practice better hygiene down there.

Gah... Some things just make me cringe... I'll donate a bottle of Gentleman Jack to ya, so you can attempt to drown those memories.

I'm betting she smelt great too! And don't forget the all you can eat crab dinner!

1- I take it you're a half full kind of guy/gal, no?

Since you said this, i have a feeling you don't bathe very often....

42 - Yeah, I'd rather not soak in my own dirt, I find that to be counter-productive. Showering is better. ;)

I always have a quick shower before/after taking a bath, otherwise I feel dirty.

If you need a machete, compass and map to do oral on your GF you're doing it wrong. Next time hand her shaving cream... a disposable razor and some soap.

You'll still eat her out tho.

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Sometimes you gotta be a trooper and do your due diligence OP

She needs to clean that crotch lickety split!

Totally agree even no one else seems to. It's called personal hygiene... Ugh... I don't even want to imagine the smell.... Puked in my mouth a little... :/

@157. He was trying to lick and spit. Is that close enough to lickity split??

This is one of the few fmls that actually make me want to vomit. *shudder*

Haha i know kyary pamyu pamyu... To bad u do too...

That is so gross. Hope you didnt get something that Ajax can't wash off

"she put a bag on my head.... Still counts! "

But WHY did OP go thru w/it anyway? He needs to set some boundaries as to what he'll put his mouth on. Yuck.

Unfortunately that little phrase doesn't ALWAYS apply. It can get pretty fucking gross if a girl doesn't keep her lady parts clean. Like, you probably wouldn't even want to stick a 10ft pole in some girls's snatches.

Few people will understand this comment

So he can lickety her split correctly! Too much?

How ironic I'm listening to that right now!(;

312-that's not irony, that is a coincidence.

8- or to get the taste out of his mouth lol. Doesn't sound like it would be too appetizing..

.....gross.....

Yeah, and for those who didn't read the fml closely (I know they're out there) thats only the start. I shudder at the thought of what was next.

I bet it involved a cup.

I don't see why he didn't just have her shower first

39- I seee where you're goin there ;) *pukes*

This poor soul...

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My thoughts exactly. Or why she was willing to let him go down on her when her genitals were in such a state in the first place.

Worst thing I have ever heard.. You Poor thing..

this is one of the few fmls that i actually feel really bad for op

I know me too!!

It could be worse if she wiped back to front.

243. how do u know she didn't wipe back to front?

Should of been like let's do it in the shower lol

I'm never going to unsee the image that just popped into my head

Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind

And I thought that wasn't possible

I hate clitty litter. Cottonelle is awesome for avoiding it too.

Clitty litter?! That's a new one!! Rofl

I've never seen a bear take so much pride in wiping its butt

Clitty litter...my god. I'm writing that down somewhere!

Scott tp sucks it leaves stuff behind...suxs for the OP...

I went From feeling very sorry for OP to pissing my shorts laughing at the phrase "clitty litter" OMFG. ????

Oh my god, clitty litter. Funniest thing I've read all day.

Whoops, replied to the wrong comment.

Shoulda told him it was that time of the month

That's disgusting.

When reading this all I could hear in my head was cleveland's voice (from family guy in case someone doesn't know)

I can smell it from here....

TP fuzz-balls? Blah! Lesson learned, I bet. You gotta do the scratch and sniff test beforehand.

Ewwww'... She gotta clean that shit up . That's nasty .......

You both need to have a long talk.