Intimacy: Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought...

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 735

You deserved it 8 412

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Same thing different taste

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 503

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 404

You deserved it 8 025

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 14 007

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 844

You deserved it 9 222

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 113

You deserved it 23 450

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 431

You deserved it 9 834

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 006

You deserved it 11 614

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 393

You deserved it 5 231

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 821

You deserved it 4 489

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 142

You deserved it 7 111

Spongii101 12

Saturday 3 November 2012 1:44

What the hell were you doing to her?!

DomDomxoxo 16

Saturday 3 November 2012 1:45

That's pretty harsh, at least you tried it out for her. I know some guys who always expect head and don't give anything back...

Comments

GamerGoldfish 7

Saturday 3 November 2012 10:27

she could've given some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism - if you've never done it before, it's not that easy, and everyone's different. It's all about finding a technique :)

blackcherries 5

Saturday 3 November 2012 11:42

Wow, harsh :/ especially being the first time with her. She shouldn't have been so rude to you, I find that very unfair. Next time ask her how she wants it. If she is still being bitchy about it well she can **** off with someone else and you can find yourself a real lady who actually appreciates you trying!!

kumonsucks 7

Saturday 3 November 2012 13:39

As my kumon teacher always says, more repetition is needed

viper_dlh04 1

Saturday 3 November 2012 13:59

Nobody catches the biggest bass on your first time fishing.

onorexveritas 23

Saturday 3 November 2012 18:59

atleast you tried

iwadasn 32

Saturday 3 November 2012 20:19

I'm guessing you must have done something absolutely horrible in order to get that kind of reaction, so I'm going to say YDI. Besides, if the genders on this had been reversed, everyone would be cheering the boyfriend on for "putting her in her place" or whatever.

KiddNYC1O 20

Saturday 3 November 2012 21:55

Practice holding your breath some more.

marramrammar 2

Sunday 4 November 2012 2:30

WTF- wrong hole ....LOL

Supernovas_Child 13

Sunday 4 November 2012 2:32

If I was in your position, I kind of would have slapped her. A bad sex partner is no reason to be a bitch. Unless you bit her. Then I would understand her reaction.