Transportation: Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted,...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

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Transportation

Late term

Sick burn

Spy vs. Spy

By AlyssaBC - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

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By dca101 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

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36408

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By argh - Canada

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

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By Embarrassed

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

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1329

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By fistycunt4 - United States - Belmont

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

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By Cherie - United States

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 14:00

This is going well

Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML

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By Alright. - United States - Missoula

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at 3 in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

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By legallyblondemad - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML

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By DEAD inside - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

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By myheart75 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2020 23:01

Fly me to the moon

Today, I booked a long distance flight across two continents, costing me over 600 bucks. I then got a confirmation email. For a different flight. I wrote to their customer service address, saying there has been an error, and to please either change or cancel the booking. I never got any reply. At all. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2021 20:01 - Germany

One rule for me…

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

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647

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By doggie_doo_face - United States

Snow day

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

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By Mb13

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

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By blinded - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

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56652

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By nyu - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

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By Squeak - United States - Fort Bragg

Poor Despereaux

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

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By lp525252 - Australia - Miranda

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

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9640

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By Iwtumn - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

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By please stop singing!!!! - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

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41242

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By heat pumps suck

Today, since moving to a state with relatively milder winters last year, my heating bill has more than doubled. I am now paying more to keep my new apartment at 62 when it is 20 outside, than what I was paying to keep my ancient apartment at 70 when it was minus 14 outside. FML

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4848

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By its dark - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

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22244

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 05:00

Hello, I love you

Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML

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1573

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By wetandhungry - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

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9639

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

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By izu - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

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By ZZ - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Thanks for the support!

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

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1090

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By NotThatKind - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

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24583

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

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35901

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By Depressed - Sudan

Great deal

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2020 17:00

It's called fashion Dave, look it up!

Today, my beautiful bride walked towards me in a dress that looked just like a ribbed condom. FML

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By paperbox - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

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Top comments

By DrAwesome | 6

#1806749 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

Doesn't look like the bus will be running out of gas any time soon.

By Doortje | 29

#1806883 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

And he didn't offer you a sniff? How rude!

COMMENTS

By xKillerCx | 0

#1806732 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:01

eww

ClickMyPicture | 0

#1806878 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:15

eww

biscottiiii | 4

#1806881 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

At least he didn't try to make you smell it. o.O

jamieeeee | 0

#1807038 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:29

eww

stephanie0613 | 0

#1807138 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:37

hahaha ewww gross .

madmadd | 0

#1807167 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:40

lol at 20 I can so imagine that!!!

fakeaccountX | 6

#1807318 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 10:14

"Now how about a handshake?"

ryanriola | 0

#1807360 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 10:26

l̲̅o̲̅l̲̅

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1807436 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:01

ahh the good ol cupcake never fails to make people feel awkward

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1808365 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:48

I wish something like that would happen to me.

WallyTheWombat | 0

#1809025 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:53

It's hard to imagine that people like that are actually walking around the streets and taking up our valuable bus space.

zkchild | 0

#1809121 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:03

Was he nice and offer you a sniff?

FatGuyLover | 0

#1811790 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 6:04

not a sniff he offered a toke, and kicked her ass when she let go of the gas

KoRnLeader | 0

#1818485 - Thursday 9 December 2010 11:26

he just wants to share the love

By rkdtd1 | 0

#1806741 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:03

Did he want you to smell it too? Maybe it was yummy.

By DrAwesome | 6

#1806749 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

Doesn't look like the bus will be running out of gas any time soon.

crabgass | 3

#1806809 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

I see what you did there lmao

ChaoticFoxen | 6

#6060052 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:54

This comment , I can't #3 XD

By jes12NV | 0

#1806756 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

wow. just wow

Illblowyourmind | 3

#1807704 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:19

Omg Sam!!! <3

slayer119 | 0

#1811390 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 3:44

haha

By milou_fml | 6

#1806758 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

"I wish I had some more of that bean burrito" is probably what was going through his mind.

By Qluz | 3

#1806760 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

wooho score one for public transportation

By memo619 | 0

#1806764 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

Mmmmm yummy I'd lick his hand

poopiscool | 7

#4315226 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:38

You're sick. Fart Sniffer.

poopiscool | 7

#4315234 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:40

Fart Licker.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#1806766 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

I really doubt someone would do that.

By GuitarNukka520 | 5

#1806774 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

everyone loves their own stank.

By bkenney | 0

#1806778 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:06

YOU MADE THAT UP OP!

thisgirl2u | 9

#1806865 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:14

How do you know?? Oh, I get it! you know because while sitting next to OP you only smelled your hand twice and not the "whole ride" ?? So OP exaggerated a little, it was still really traumatizing and shame on you. :P

bkenney | 0

#1806890 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

actually I know everything

honeyluv0218 | 4

#1807455 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:05

lmao

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1808898 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:33

Do you? Well, since my thoughts can, in some cases, be considered something, what am I thinking, know-it-all?