Transportation: Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted,...

07/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 2 541

Transportation

BO Central

Best teeth in the game

Eastenders

Jumpy

By Chelsea - 21/04/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 654

You deserved it 70 963

26/08/2013 16:45 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 297

You deserved it 6 217

19/01/2012 23:26

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 451

You deserved it 83 061

The sad truth

By Soulara89 - 23/12/2014 01:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 401

You deserved it 5 222

10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 897

You deserved it 3 330

15/02/2013 05:53 - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 152

You deserved it 4 125

13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 736

You deserved it 5 616

08/10/2012 00:24 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 975

You deserved it 13 918

21/11/2012 05:00 - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 895

You deserved it 5 070

27/07/2014 22:17 - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 454

You deserved it 8 355

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 14:00

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 122

You deserved it 81

07/06/2012 18:12 - United States - Epping

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 407

You deserved it 5 259

#worthit

By Michelle Jade - 05/09/2018 22:00

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 908

You deserved it 501

26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 862

You deserved it 5 850

10/10/2014 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 823

You deserved it 6 092

03/07/2011 05:25 - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 4 102

23/04/2011 02:17 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 119

You deserved it 3 560

02/09/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 688

You deserved it 4 188

25/06/2009 03:05 - France

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 155

You deserved it 6 204

06/10/2011 03:59 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 882

You deserved it 29 338

04/10/2015 11:45 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 531

You deserved it 1 623

05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 971

You deserved it 8 979

07/04/2016 16:07 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 724

You deserved it 1 902

01/10/2013 16:36 - United States - El Cajon

Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 674

You deserved it 3 611

Easy

By FootinMouth - 18/07/2013 21:48 - United States - Louisville

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 54 506

28/06/2011 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 506

You deserved it 3 063

23/08/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 104

You deserved it 2 847

30/08/2017 08:00 - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 182

You deserved it 550

06/07/2019 18:00

Today, a couple of friends and I went camping in a national park. When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 162

PMS FTW

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 146

07/04/2015 07:14 - New Zealand - New Plymouth

Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 019

You deserved it 2 443

Tradlife blues

By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 203

10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 363

You deserved it 1 548

27/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 306

You deserved it 3 557

Thanks, I hate it!

By AtikaSucks - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Tunisia

Today, thanks to my brilliant hairstylist, I ended up with a brand new haircut, which I like to call the "Bowler hat-and-Spaghetti" cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 596

You deserved it 3 282

28/12/2017 15:00

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 697

You deserved it 576

17/03/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 675

You deserved it 7 172

30/10/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 053

You deserved it 12 552

02/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 542

You deserved it 3 977

28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 908

You deserved it 18 161

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Top comments

DrAwesome 6

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

Doesn't look like the bus will be running out of gas any time soon.

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

And he didn't offer you a sniff? How rude!

xKillerCx 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:01

eww

ClickMyPicture 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:15

eww

biscottiiii 4

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

At least he didn't try to make you smell it. o.O

jamieeeee 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:29

eww

stephanie0613 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:37

hahaha ewww gross .

madmadd 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:40

lol at 20 I can so imagine that!!!

fakeaccountX 6

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 10:14

"Now how about a handshake?"

ryanriola 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 10:26

l̲̅o̲̅l̲̅

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:01

ahh the good ol cupcake never fails to make people feel awkward

mamamiaaa_fml 12

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:48

I wish something like that would happen to me.

WallyTheWombat 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:53

It's hard to imagine that people like that are actually walking around the streets and taking up our valuable bus space.

zkchild 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:03

Was he nice and offer you a sniff?

FatGuyLover 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 6:04

not a sniff he offered a toke, and kicked her ass when she let go of the gas

KoRnLeader 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 11:26

he just wants to share the love

rkdtd1 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:03

Did he want you to smell it too? Maybe it was yummy.

DrAwesome 6

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

Doesn't look like the bus will be running out of gas any time soon.

crabgass 3

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

I see what you did there lmao

ChaoticFoxen 6

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Monday 8 September 2014 15:54

This comment , I can't #3 XD

jes12NV 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

wow. just wow

Illblowyourmind 3

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:19

Omg Sam!!! <3

slayer119 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 3:44

haha

milou_fml 6

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

"I wish I had some more of that bean burrito" is probably what was going through his mind.

Qluz 3

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

wooho score one for public transportation

memo619 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

Mmmmm yummy I'd lick his hand

poopiscool 7

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:38

You're sick. Fart Sniffer.

poopiscool 7

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Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:40

Fart Licker.

giantsfan2010 23

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

I really doubt someone would do that.

GuitarNukka520 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

everyone loves their own stank.

bkenney 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:06

YOU MADE THAT UP OP!

thisgirl2u 9

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:14

How do you know?? Oh, I get it! you know because while sitting next to OP you only smelled your hand twice and not the "whole ride" ?? So OP exaggerated a little, it was still really traumatizing and shame on you. :P

bkenney 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

actually I know everything

honeyluv0218 4

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:05

lmao

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:33

Do you? Well, since my thoughts can, in some cases, be considered something, what am I thinking, know-it-all?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 383

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69

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