Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted,...

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32993

You deserved it

2531

Favorite

Transportation

All in the family

British Broadcasting Corporation

Assumptions

By justjoking - 17/12/2014 01:54 - United States

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39567

You deserved it

7737

Favorite

By dontpanic - 21/9/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11434

You deserved it

26707

Favorite

By concusion - 23/8/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I found out the "small termite problem" the inspector told me about wasn't so small when a box from the attic fell through the floor and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31330

You deserved it

3246

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/8/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12292

You deserved it

28392

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/9/2018 22:10

Today, my fancy rubber phone case did its job and saved my phone from damage when I dropped it on the bathroom counter. Unfortunately, it was rather useless after the massive bounce it took before landing in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2450

You deserved it

327

Favorite

By FriendsZone - 15/5/2012 20:44 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46410

You deserved it

2612

Favorite

By bglenney - 15/8/2013 09:47 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56777

You deserved it

4158

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/5/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59782

You deserved it

4351

Favorite

By PetitPrincePerdu - 8/5/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61741

You deserved it

4944

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 04:46 - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18024

You deserved it

27974

Favorite

By Jim - 11/1/2012 01:32 - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11287

You deserved it

41547

Favorite

By chilegrande - 1/3/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, I was mugged while on my way to the book store. I'd saved up for months to make a mega-purchase of study materials for my major, only for it to be taken away in a few seconds by some lowlife thug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55129

You deserved it

4500

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/8/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51599

You deserved it

8309

Favorite

By Waheyyy - 7/9/2009 19:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56043

You deserved it

7956

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2009 22:17 - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38576

You deserved it

8767

Favorite

By combovercaiti_ - 25/1/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2178

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By MBG - 5/6/2009 07:43 - Australia

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65335

You deserved it

4290

Favorite

By dogmom - 16/7/2012 20:51 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24047

You deserved it

5711

Favorite

By strandedguest - 30/9/2010 06:51 - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25249

You deserved it

2850

Favorite

By candice - 1/11/2011 09:09 - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14476

You deserved it

46428

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/9/2015 15:23

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23719

You deserved it

12001

Favorite

By Alison - 10/3/2012 22:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've miserably failed a college exam. My friend had agreed to pass me answers if I needed them, since I've hardly studied this year. We were on the phone when she said, "Oh, those answers were bullshit. Serves you right, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

9054

You deserved it

72077

Favorite

By amf - 3/6/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, I got fired via text. The last sentence was, "Wish you the best, take care!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31007

You deserved it

3323

Favorite

By lamponau - 9/11/2008 11:26 - France

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36400

You deserved it

6144

Favorite

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4069

You deserved it

408

Favorite

By Alexis - 26/8/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35984

You deserved it

3208

Favorite

By Makusu420 - 3/12/2015 00:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20476

You deserved it

1552

Favorite

By ieatoreos - 11/3/2011 11:28

Today, an aunt that I'd had a massive falling out with passed away. My entire extended family refuses to speak to me, because they think I "had something to do with it". I live several hundred miles from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33101

You deserved it

2946

Favorite

By piercednipple - 30/6/2015 16:02 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26925

You deserved it

2731

Favorite

By oh ffs - 25/1/2013 01:13 - United States

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33307

You deserved it

3943

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/9/2019 16:00

No internet, just cuddles

Today, my cat decided that the best place for her to pee was over the surge protector where my modem, router, and printer are plugged in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47393

You deserved it

7049

Favorite

By peacexout108 - 8/11/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23699

You deserved it

3334

Favorite

By Radio GaGa - 27/10/2014 16:25 - Canada

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34193

You deserved it

3140

Favorite

By Obviously works everywhere - 20/9/2017 23:15

The customer is always a dong

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3786

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By rozsrredd - 8/7/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52887

You deserved it

4144

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2019 14:00

Phones, how do they work?!

Today, a voicemail suddenly appeared in my messages. Last week I missed a call from an Unknown, no number was listed. Turns out they wanted to arrange an interview for a job I really wanted, they left a number in the voicemail telling me to call them back that day if I was interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By rick - 13/8/2009 21:49 - Sweden

Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54584

You deserved it

6025

Favorite

By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - 25/5/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91891

You deserved it

5403

Favorite

By Cow lover - 12/10/2016 14:13 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15053

You deserved it

2320

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DrAwesome | 6

#1806749 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

Doesn't look like the bus will be running out of gas any time soon.

By Doortje | 28

#1806883 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

And he didn't offer you a sniff? How rude!

Comments

By xKillerCx | 0

#1806732 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:01

eww

ClickMyPicture | 0

#1806878 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:15

eww

biscottiiii | 4

#1806881 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

At least he didn't try to make you smell it. o.O

jamieeeee | 0

#1807038 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:29

eww

stephanie0613 | 0

#1807138 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:37

hahaha ewww gross .

madmadd | 0

#1807167 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:40

lol at 20 I can so imagine that!!!

fakeaccountX | 6

#1807318 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 10:14

"Now how about a handshake?"

ryanriola | 0

#1807360 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 10:26

l̲̅o̲̅l̲̅

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1807436 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:01

ahh the good ol cupcake never fails to make people feel awkward

mamamiaaa_fml | 12

#1808365 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 14:48

I wish something like that would happen to me.

WallyTheWombat | 0

#1809025 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:53

It's hard to imagine that people like that are actually walking around the streets and taking up our valuable bus space.

zkchild | 0

#1809121 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 17:03

Was he nice and offer you a sniff?

FatGuyLover | 0

#1811790 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 6:04

not a sniff he offered a toke, and kicked her ass when she let go of the gas

KoRnLeader | 0

#1818485 - Thursday 9 December 2010 11:26

he just wants to share the love

By rkdtd1 | 0

#1806741 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:03

Did he want you to smell it too? Maybe it was yummy.

By DrAwesome | 6

#1806749 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

Doesn't look like the bus will be running out of gas any time soon.

crabgass | 3

#1806809 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:07

I see what you did there lmao

ChaoticFoxen | 6

#6060052 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:54

This comment , I can't #3 XD

By jes12NV | 0

#1806756 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

wow. just wow

Illblowyourmind | 3

#1807704 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 12:19

Omg Sam!!! <3

slayer119 | 0

#1811390 - Wednesday 8 December 2010 3:44

haha

By milou_fml | 6

#1806758 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

"I wish I had some more of that bean burrito" is probably what was going through his mind.

By Qluz | 3

#1806760 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:04

wooho score one for public transportation

By memo619 | 0

#1806764 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

Mmmmm yummy I'd lick his hand

poopiscool | 7

#4315226 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:38

You're sick. Fart Sniffer.

poopiscool | 7

#4315234 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 4:40

Fart Licker.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#1806766 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

I really doubt someone would do that.

By GuitarNukka520 | 5

#1806774 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:05

everyone loves their own stank.

By bkenney | 0

#1806778 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:06

YOU MADE THAT UP OP!

thisgirl2u | 9

#1806865 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:14

How do you know?? Oh, I get it! you know because while sitting next to OP you only smelled your hand twice and not the "whole ride" ?? So OP exaggerated a little, it was still really traumatizing and shame on you. :P

bkenney | 0

#1806890 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 9:16

actually I know everything

honeyluv0218 | 4

#1807455 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 11:05

lmao

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#1808898 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 16:33

Do you? Well, since my thoughts can, in some cases, be considered something, what am I thinking, know-it-all?