Jogging is dangerous

By jumpedjogger - 14/09/2011 08:34 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 664
You deserved it 3 777
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Top comments

kayladance101 13

Well if his wife wont have sex with him, maybe she'll do it with you! Give it a try :)

305 27
cooperd52 6

That's assault. Why dont you report him?

261 15

Comments

mfelax9556 8

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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34 78
LemonBlue 0

I'm assuming it's because he's more attractive than you

45 6
Fruit_Dealer 9

OP must be fit while the neighbor is lazy and fat?

36 3
urdirtyolduncle 15

Today, and everyday, my wife won't have the sex with me because of my hot neighbor's jogging around the block. FML.

1 0
booboojlc 0

If you were Chuck Noris that wouldn't have happened

42 15
LouisianaBob 9

I guess the only option left is for you to satisfy his wife like she wants. That or call the police either one

41 3
HomeAl0ne 20

You're a ginger, aren't you? Go on, admit it, you sly dog!

7 31
hercs95 0

I would have went to his house when he's at work ;D

2 3
kayladance101 13

Well if his wife wont have sex with him, maybe she'll do it with you! Give it a try :)

305 27
FMMFL1992 3

Yeah get back at him by banging his wife everyday.

8 2
slappomatt 4

I was going to post that. Go bang his wife!

3 3
hercs95 0

I would have went to his house when he's at work ;D

0 1
asterik99 3

When opportunity kicks you in the stomach,.. Well you know.

5 2
Sp4wn 17

That's cheating? Even if the guy is an asshole he doesn't deserve to get cheated on.

1 0
aspecialspecial 21

@184 the only decent person here! Thank you! No one deserves to be cheated on and OP would be even worse than the guy who kicked him if he banged the guys wife like a piece of shit

0 0
cooperd52 6

That's assault. Why dont you report him?

261 15
13FTW 9

If it's georgia, then it's probably his sister anyway.

39 13
Levvy 22

OP didn't deserve to be battered, but his continuing fear is purely his own fault for not pursuing police involvement after being the victim of a crime.

17 4
RaiEllati 2

aha I duno if it's just me but i prefer solving such small matters myself instead of relying on the authorities first.

21 9
Daralea 21

60 - OP got attacked and kicked in the gut, and it appears this happened without him provoking things. How is that such a small matter?

16 9
chelseaaababyyy 17

i agree with 60. i would have beat his ass, you just look like a ****** calling the police.

12 28
mike3775 35

#60, assault is not a small matter, its a serious matter. If the OP went back tomorrow and clotheslined and kicked the guy in the stomach, and that guy called the cops, the OP would be charged. Someone assaults me, they get to wear the metal wrist bracelets and pay to come back home. This ay they get what they deserve, and I do not have to go to jail either

23 5
RensM 22

isnt't the first amendment the right to sue. perfect for these things

3 40
ckyorelse 18

Wow 78 you're a dumbass

14 0
intothecrypt 3

I don't know what the **** 78's talking about but in this situation I'd prefer the 2nd amendment, especially if it was the fat guy down the street from me who refuses to jog and has a hot wife and who's stupid dog never shuts up, and... whoops, maybe I'll post my own FML. or force him too...

6 4
SimpleMinds_fml 7

Hey #78, unless you're Michele Bachmann I expect you to understand the constitution. The 1st amendment does not refer to right to sue, nor does any other amendment.

9 2
AliSama 17

assault and battery in the usa. assault is only threatening, battery is touching. He is in georgia. the guy will be taken to jail and charged.

4 3
Rainbow_dumpster 28

Looks like somebody (#78) failed U.S. History. D:

7 1
ck11_fml 1

Or just kick his ass. It sounds like the OP is more fit than his neighbor, yet he ran away when some random dude kicked him? Is his neighbor Asian with crazy martial arts skills? Bc I'm really having trouble imagining how some dude kicked him in the stomach anyway Anyway, man up OP. Kick this dudes ass then **** his wife. Not necessarily in that order.

1 2
michael666 7

snitch, handle him yourself with a 12 gauge mossberg 500

0 0
FreakoHolm 6

Lol pretty girls always gets lots of thumbs up

16 10
JiggaJayZ 16

Or maybe she just had a good comment...

9 4
ericb8272 2

She got a lot of thumbs up because she's a pretty girl talking about *******... That's thumbs up all day long

13 16
maphineRAWRS 10

Because your really fit from jogging all the time? Well I think the solution here is obvious. Sleep with his wife, make him angry and realize he needs to jog, like yourself, to gwt sexy so his wife will sleep with him. Then offer him a paid work out session and bam. You get sex, and money. All problems solved.

145 22
Jovecove 13

That's If he don't kill OP for ******* his wife, since just by jogging around OP gets a kick in the stomach.

19 2
maphineRAWRS 10

That was supposed to be the joke. :( haha I obviously failed then :P

14 3
trgower13 0

Don't worry I understood the joke :) some ppl just can't comprehend.

3 2
JokerJohn7 0

He could do all that without sleeping with his wife and getting slaughtered...

2 3
demonspeed 0

That is the smartest thing I've ever heard anyone say. About anything.

3 1
demonspeed 0

That is the smartest thing I've heard anyone say...about anything.

2 3
baby4mommy 27

I suspect the real reason the neighbors wife won't sleep with him is that she wants her husband to start exercising and get in shape. As far as being scared to leave the house you might consider going to the police. I think in many area he could be charged with assault.

37 2
ikickgingers 15

Buy him some px90 workout videos and tell his wife to get off dick.

7 15
ikickgingers 15

Off your*. Effing dammit.

7 6
Pebbles89 9

#7 it's p90x lol, sorry I had to :)

7 4
nadhirah 4

He should do something bout himself instead of pushing the blame on you :) maybe he should have joined you for a jog instead.

9 5
sseberly 11

Jog around his house in circles from now on. That'll show him.

78 2
mistersheezy 7

You should've ran faster........and drop kicked him.

19 2