Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
My cat refuses to sit on my lap, but he climbs on my mum's stomach and chest and sits on them because she's fat lol.
yessy729 0
Am I the only one that read 'pussy' first?
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Comments (134)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Maybe you have a bunch of loose skin, and your cat doesn't like the fact that your neck looks like a ******. (If you don't get the reference, I will punch every genital you own. EVERY. GENITAL. YOU. OWN.)
bestnameright 14
Who owns more than one genital?
HKCgrimmjow 15
I happen to own a wide array of genitalia. You just gotta pimp
nop200 3
Well could you count a ******** as an individual genital?
yoursucklives 36
30: that's a reference to a comic
martin_martian7 11
Austin powers :D
j_cat187 20
Ahhh, fat bastard!
1215116a 14
If you got a flat stomach it's probably uncomfortable for him to sit on you if all he feels are bones poking through.
porcupineattack1 5
Well human beings will Find you more attractive, cats are not people persons
trellz17 19
Well you did it for you not the cat. But that's lame though.
blcksocks 19
Look at the bright side.. You might get real pussy after losing all that weight.
PunkySpunky78 15
But how do you know the sex of op is or what sex of person the op likes
ICastillo 25
Well your fat was probably comfy it was like his personal little couch and it probably kept him warm. But screw him at Least you lost wait and feel better about yourself.
yessy729 0
If rather be thin than have a cat play with me...
olpally 33
Good for you losing weight! Your cat is a troll.
Enslaved 38
Just put a soft pillow on top of your belly. That's what I do when I pet
hellokitty686 1
Does your cat matter so much to you that you had to write an fml about this? I wouldn't care cause I'd be happy I lost weight
yoursucklives 36
you sound like you never had a pet