Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mauskau 36
My cat refuses to sit on my lap, but he climbs on my mum's stomach and chest and sits on them because she's fat lol.
yessy729 0
Am I the only one that read 'pussy' first?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
graphicstyle7 17
Time to replace the kitty with a person... I'm sure THEY would appreciate your new size!
inkhat 3
Actually if you lost a lot of weight this can change your chemical makeup. You smell different! It might take a moment for some animals to adjust to your new smell.
XxAtreyuSinsxX 14
My cat, Omorose, is only affectionate when she's in heat. I hate to think of how she'll act after I get her spayed. :/
noisebox 1
A disgruntled pussy......
SoultheWolf 19
Try putting a pillow on your belly or a blanket then put your cat on top. I know my Chihuahua got all fussy when my mom lost all her weight because her lap was no longer big and cushiony for him to lay on. So instead he'd just go back to me. I'm curious if he'll act the same when I lose the rest of my weight.
Jag_v 7
Slimy creatures
crazy4uboi 6
It's not cats aren't very intelligent and they are color blind so they determine who you are by using their instinct and scent is usually one your cat apparently recognized you by the way you felt when he laid on you. So basically he doesn't hate you he just doesn't recognize you.
Whitemamba12 6
Ok ignore the people saying that cats are dumb, cats are extremely smart even more so then dogs ( hate to break the news to you dog fans but while dogs are "smarter" in terms of wanting to learn, cats have more neurons and more raw intelligence then canines, the reason they don't appear as loyal is because they're independent not pack animals like dogs. they are still loyal though if I play rough with my dog my cat will attack him ( my cat is 14 pounds but my husky is 70) if attacking something with a 56 pound weight advantage isn't loyal then idk what is. Most likely your fat was comfortable which was why he liked it and now your stomach in uncomfortable simple as that don't take it personally. btw 129 cats ARE NOT color blind :)
Cosmic_Horror 1
That sounds like one of them good problems.
xxsakuraxx 29
Congradulations on losing weight! Don't worry. Your cat just isn't use to the change yet. It will get over it eventually. My cat wouldn't rub her cheek against my face for over a month when I got contacts. Apparently she liked the feeling of my glasses more than my face lol.