Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML
Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my friend's cat while he's away for a while. She's very clingy and friendly, which I don't mind… or at least, I thought I didn't mind, until I tried to go to sleep and she insisted on lying on my face. I felt bad for having to kick her out of the bedroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 24
As long as you are VERY careful not to go near the pink core of a cat claw, you can snip the tips with nail clippers. Watch some YouTube videos to see how it's done. It doesn't hurt the cat and it will save your legs. If the cat is outdoor then don't but if it's an indoor cat then snip away. I had a ginger female who's claws grew too sharp and curved and she'd get herself stuck to the carpet when trying to scratch, the vet showed me how to clip her claws so it didn't happen any more. But watch some videos on how to do it first, there's a trick to it.
angeleyes0724 10
Keep a light blanket in arms reach and throw it over you legs when you sit
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Comments (3)
FluffythePink 24
As long as you are VERY careful not to go near the pink core of a cat claw, you can snip the tips with nail clippers. Watch some YouTube videos to see how it's done. It doesn't hurt the cat and it will save your legs. If the cat is outdoor then don't but if it's an indoor cat then snip away. I had a ginger female who's claws grew too sharp and curved and she'd get herself stuck to the carpet when trying to scratch, the vet showed me how to clip her claws so it didn't happen any more. But watch some videos on how to do it first, there's a trick to it.
angeleyes0724 10
Keep a light blanket in arms reach and throw it over you legs when you sit
Yudith 28
If the cat likes you this much, you could convince it to exercise, give it daily walks outside, buy it a cat exerciser, etc.. This won't cure the kneading problem, but it will make the wounds more shallow.