Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
My cat refuses to sit on my lap, but he climbs on my mum's stomach and chest and sits on them because she's fat lol.
yessy729 0
Am I the only one that read 'pussy' first?
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Comments (134)
maddygirl820 10
Cats are creepy anyway Edit: Cue the creepy cat obsessed women
LolPieRofl 11
In the middle east nobody likes cats and u would see lots of stray cats but barely stray dogs
LolPieRofl 11
In the middle east nobody likes cats and u would see lots of stray cats but barely stray dogs
danial1214 21
They just dont want the cats to lay around in there houses and get fat but they let them come inside during daytime. And there arent many stray dogs because they all either die of starvation or die fighting other dogs.
Special_Psycho 8
Evil fuzzy, I really hope your kitty becomes cuddly again. Good luck to you.
awkward_gothlady 32
How big is the cat? If he's a big kitty, he might not feel comfortable lying on your stomach. I'm pretty skinny (5'7.5"/125 lbs), and my cat likes to lie on my stomach. But the cat I had before her didn't. I think that since he was kind of big (13 lbs), he just didn't feel like he fit. My current cat is about 6.5 pounds and she likes lying on my stomach.
naughtylez82 4
He misses his squishy thing
WeWalkIn1D 11
But hey. At least you lost weight. Cats just aren't loyal. Congrats on losing weight. :)
jvercetti 5
Better not used this as an excuse to pig out :p
jvercetti 5
Clearly the cat hasn't been watching enough MTV and the other rubbish stuff on TV.
SeeNote 1
Im not a fan of cats. I think dogs are more people friendly