Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mauskau 36
My cat refuses to sit on my lap, but he climbs on my mum's stomach and chest and sits on them because she's fat lol.
yessy729 0
Am I the only one that read 'pussy' first?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (134)
icychill10_fml 6
My cat used to lay on my mom's boobs, hence why we call them her pillows.
raycj 1
Tmi
crazytwinsmom 25
Congrats on the weight loss! Put a pillow on your lap for the cat.
samasara 20
I love my cats. A lot. They're my everything.
alwayswinning123 7
Reasons like this is why I hate cats
Cainicide 5
Dat fat..
jterrell1993 4
Actually it might not be because he doesn't like you. Any change can offset a cat, coming home smelling different, changing ur hair (true story), losing weight. Also losing that weight not only made u feel/appear different , it changes ur smell and also ur lifestyle probably changed too that's how the weight was lost, the cat could be stessed about one or many of these things
manikkab0o 7
maybe he doesn't recognize you???
Solipsist 12
maybe it's because now you smell like salad and not bacon?
lollipop77_fml 6
Cats are such fickle creatures! Like the saying goes - you can own a dog, but a cat owns you.....
Daydreamer4466 6
Maybe you need to play with other some pussy cat LOL