By wray16 - 26/2/2021 21:30 - United States

Love hurts

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

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696

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104

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Love

Triage

Spooky

Thanks, I'm cured!

By anouk05 - Switzerland

Too much Pornhub

Today, my boyfriend told me, "Don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

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32670

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4627

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By mortenp - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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14115

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By Anonymous - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

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53973

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6228

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By JellicleCat - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

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2369

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307

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Ratatouille

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

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914

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148

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By failingyetagain - United Kingdom - Barrow Upon Soar

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

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24254

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4492

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24655

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3614

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By EmployeeOfTheMonth - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39393

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9105

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By im_not_me - Australia

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38329

You deserved it

2704

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By pandaboo - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

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37155

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3767

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

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25366

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4176

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By woahitbechels - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

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35929

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12577

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By JH - United States

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43099

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17966

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By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2673

You deserved it

206

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By anx133 - China

Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went to pee and noticed my pants were covered in what looked like a green dust. I touched it, sniffed it, and it smelled utterly horrendous. So I took my boots off again only to find that one of my cats had took a dump in one of them. FML

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22432

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3158

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By dollarstorepwnr - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

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44544

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4897

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was at work at a nursing home I was attempting to dress a woman for bed. She popped me a left hook and I had to ask the nurse to look at my jaw. After my nurse said I was okay she asked me to continue getting the woman dressed for bed. She hit me 5 more times. FML

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27472

You deserved it

2600

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML

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73926

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23548

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By Flutie

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3310

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734

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By whatno - United States - San Antonio

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

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59738

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9205

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

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76653

You deserved it

27255

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By Rejected. - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

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49214

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3907

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By sanoria51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

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46518

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8746

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By WaffleMan - United States - Stirling

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

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15216

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By really

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6161

You deserved it

341

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By duko3000 - Canada

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33846

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3474

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By swollenpenis - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

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48301

You deserved it

4728

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By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

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47411

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6828

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 05:01

Insurance is a scam

Today, you’re required to have health insurance in my country. I have no income, I spend more on insurance than on food, yet most of the treatments that actually help me are not covered by the insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

888

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By truckstopworker

Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4713

You deserved it

317

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By preggo - Australia

Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML

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36013

You deserved it

3097

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By SilverAuthor - United States - Detroit

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

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15257

You deserved it

2038

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By loverofstrife - United States

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31019

You deserved it

5603

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

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34650

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4680

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By best_friend - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32432

You deserved it

9920

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22700

You deserved it

4544

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By KaiyaOtaku1 - United States - Seattle

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44769

You deserved it

6615

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30327

You deserved it

2688

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By Jersey girl - United States - Miami

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9470

You deserved it

712

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By sambo99 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

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37526

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Top comments

By Jonkbaby | 20

#7975010 - Sunday 28 February 2021 14:56

Did it make the make out better?

COMMENTS

By Jonkbaby | 20

#7975010 - Sunday 28 February 2021 14:56

Did it make the make out better?