Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
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Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
Saluton 18
"minding your own business"? Does that mean masturbating?
netfreak 0
BOOM! NUTSHOT
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Comments (79)
blastvortex 3
Kick his ass.
manjunk 0
if my roomate slapped me in the ass or balls i would punch him in the face
betterthingstodo 0
sounds like someone needs to get in touch with their feminine side! heyooh!
Coly_hrap 0
is your new dorm nickname name numb nuts? you should prolly grow a pair and setup an elaborate prank to get back some selfesteem. GL with that
KoRnchick 3
i accidently did this 2 my bf once! trying to slap his arse
jonny2x4 0
SLAPNUTS FTW!!!!!
FerrariCake 2
Pretty gay. Sounds like you have a represseed homosexual for a roommate. Don't fall asleep in the same room with him.
roflmaonade 2
you were in minding your own business? your roommate wanted to slap your butt in the middle of the night? really hard? ..do elaborate
The_Advice_Guy 0
I suggest that you swap the Kool-aid in your fridge with Drain-o.I promise you,you're gonna be the last man laughing.From your cell in jail.But all the same,you will have gotten your revenge,right?
ijustlaugh 0
Wow why not go for the less deadly and illegal saline in the Kool-Aid?
ImTheAlpha 30
Dude, your advice sucks Justin Bieber's imaginary ****. Just saying. You seem awesome, from your profile, though. Lølz, sørry, I'm børed. I am going to spam you. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM! Børed. -.-
ciggy911 0
In all seriousness, put laxitives in his drinks and he'll be too busy with diahrea to slap your ass.
Houdeka 0
balltap!