By loser weeper - United States - Cape Coral Today, after looking for my phone for three weeks, I used find my iPhone to track it to my sister-in-law's house. Her response? "Finders keepers, losers weepers." FML I agree, your life sucks 2832 You deserved it 251 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littl3storm Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML I agree, your life sucks 2202 You deserved it 158 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Tehachapi Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML I agree, your life sucks 61712 You deserved it 6506 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By just outdone - United States - Turtle Lake Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML I agree, your life sucks 19644 You deserved it 1365 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By macaroni17 - United States - New Oxford Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML I agree, your life sucks 40908 You deserved it 12749 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ewewew - United States Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 54334 You deserved it 4778 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Black Cat 13 - United States Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML I agree, your life sucks 36033 You deserved it 3499 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RikkiTikkiTavi The unexpected Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML I agree, your life sucks 729 You deserved it 3405 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By safetyfirst - Taiwan Gift for you Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML I agree, your life sucks 31380 You deserved it 21340 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States - Richmond Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML I agree, your life sucks 40310 You deserved it 8502 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey Thanks Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML I agree, your life sucks 29379 You deserved it 1671 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Levittown Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 36375 You deserved it 4399 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML I agree, your life sucks 48024 You deserved it 15117 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By definitelynotugly Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML I agree, your life sucks 2730 You deserved it 323 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ilook12 - United States - Paris Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML I agree, your life sucks 27868 You deserved it 2155 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SLAB_GIRL15 - Australia - Port Macquarie Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML I agree, your life sucks 31332 You deserved it 3052 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 34350 You deserved it 4379 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Bethesda Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 45444 You deserved it 5517 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By now have a cat - United States - Glenview Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML I agree, your life sucks 47716 You deserved it 3944 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zaneey - Australia Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML I agree, your life sucks 7647 You deserved it 42573 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML I agree, your life sucks 34244 You deserved it 5304 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML I agree, your life sucks 40896 You deserved it 8368 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By boreed - United States Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML I agree, your life sucks 34956 You deserved it 4367 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml_for_real - United States Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML I agree, your life sucks 38175 You deserved it 6882 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cannotexplain - Australia Today my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual decision but I was curious as to what he thought went wrong. "I was just never sure if you brushed your teeth regularly." He cheated on me twice. FML I agree, your life sucks 12340 You deserved it 1277 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 21152 You deserved it 47485 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mymomplucksbutthair - United States Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML I agree, your life sucks 39752 You deserved it 3377 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sting Winds of change Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML I agree, your life sucks 4969 You deserved it 704 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zzzgrady - United States Damn Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML I agree, your life sucks 33976 You deserved it 4111 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By what the fuck - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML I agree, your life sucks 45303 You deserved it 2707 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I keep failing it all - Lithuania - Vilnius Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML I agree, your life sucks 48834 You deserved it 3934 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 0h_Boy Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1709 You deserved it 148 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meach - United States Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 39708 You deserved it 4165 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jobless Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML I agree, your life sucks 1549 You deserved it 454 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SoundConfuser - Australia Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest bird alive that continually disrupts my sleep to the point where I just want to smash the damn thing's head in with a rock, I realised it's been my pedestal fan the entire time. FML I agree, your life sucks 7433 You deserved it 32100 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whyme - United States Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML I agree, your life sucks 28580 You deserved it 41726 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By subduedbeast - United States Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML I agree, your life sucks 55165 You deserved it 4265 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TecheyTim - United States - Latham Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 27196 You deserved it 11485 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/4/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom Stay at home, especially you Today, I got tested positive for coronavirus, caught from my antivax neighbor who doesn't understand personal space. She calls herself a "Doctor", so "knows best." She has a PhD in psychology. FML I agree, your life sucks 913 You deserved it 149 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By heartbroke - United States - Erie Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML I agree, your life sucks 44385 You deserved it 3450 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By northernlass - United States Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML I agree, your life sucks 13338 You deserved it 36544 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lil Mouse Isa | 27 #7721300 - Saturday 10 November 2018 7:33 Report it as stolen. Send a private message 81 0 Reply
By Madrias | 36 #7722490 - Tuesday 13 November 2018 3:41 And this is what the police are for. You get your phone back, she gets a court date. Send a private message 72 0 Reply
By Lil Mouse Isa | 27 #7721300 - Saturday 10 November 2018 7:33 Report it as stolen. Send a private message 81 0 Reply
By raganerus | 17 #7722417 - Monday 12 November 2018 23:23 no she stole it, you can call the police om her Send a private message 36 0 Reply
By Madrias | 36 #7722490 - Tuesday 13 November 2018 3:41 And this is what the police are for. You get your phone back, she gets a court date. Send a private message 72 0 Reply
By LordMagus | 9 #7728913 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 3:06 "Finders keepers, losers weepers, yet theft is still a crime. Enjoy your court date." Send a private message 37 0 Reply
By PenguinPal3017 | 19 #7728925 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 4:20 I really hope that you went to the police. 9 0 Reply
By sunnyray812 | 42 #7728927 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 4:57 And why didn't you do that about an hour after it went missing? Send a private message 17 0 Reply
By TxKitten79 | 10 #7728933 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 5:47 So you call the police. You report it stolen, along with "yes I know who took it, here is her address." Send a private message 22 0 Reply
By whiskey'swino | 15 #7728935 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 5:53 Is your sister in law 5 years old? Send a private message 20 0 Reply
By Isamermaid | 17 #7728946 - Tuesday 27 November 2018 6:41 Use Find My iPhone to lock the iPhone so she can’t use it. Send a private message 18 0 Reply
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head... I agree, your life sucks 261 You deserved it 424 6 Comments
Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing.... I agree, your life sucks 218 You deserved it 598 4 Comments