Work: Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on...

By Megan - 17/06/2012 19:38 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 520

You deserved it 2 302

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

On deaf ears

Foreshadowing

Trauma

By SkipLegDay - 03/08/2016 08:48 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 345

You deserved it 3 270

By katwingz - 19/02/2013 22:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 6 174

By fitzy79 - 31/01/2014 20:04 - United States

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 718

You deserved it 3 744

By Jobless - 07/09/2010 23:27 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said "Ok, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 165

You deserved it 4 190

By Crusty - 19/12/2012 20:53

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 250

You deserved it 17 668

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 14:58 - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 731

You deserved it 3 632

By Mushman - 16/03/2019 12:00

Today, I sharted while skiing - wearing a bib outfit and no change of clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 389

By cockroach - 27/09/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 245

You deserved it 16 703

By merkris - 29/06/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 189

You deserved it 12 689

By John - 24/06/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 059

You deserved it 3 237

By EyesofStone - 01/06/2016 01:03 - United States

Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 105

You deserved it 1 574

Hiding from the drama

By Tiff8any - 14/07/2021 21:59

Today, my boyfriend asked me to untag him in our vacation photos together. Last month, he hid his relationship status and hid every trace of me. He says it’s because he doesn’t want any "social media drama" and people knowing about his "personal life." We’ve been together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 204

Notification sound

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 02:00

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 723

Gross dude, dude

By GhostPenguin - 08/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I had to tell my 30 year-old boyfriend to take a shower, or else he won't for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 153

By the next james herriot - 10/09/2013 23:30 - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 452

You deserved it 3 081

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 148

You deserved it 2 411

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 343

You deserved it 4 625

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 248

You deserved it 8 067

By I hate retail - 17/10/2016 22:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 989

You deserved it 757

Dumbass customers

By Fitz - 29/07/2013 06:30 - United States

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 522

You deserved it 4 412

By oh ffs - 25/01/2013 01:13 - United States

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 355

You deserved it 3 986

By Anonymous - 17/09/2012 16:05 - France

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 252

You deserved it 1 956

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 453

You deserved it 21 883

Overreaction

By rejected - 13/04/2012 05:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 745

You deserved it 9 127

Cleanliness is next to someone else

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 15:00

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 18:50 - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 174

You deserved it 11 054

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 932

You deserved it 6 089

By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 17:49 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 056

You deserved it 3 877

By FuckSteakNShake - 06/06/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 217

By savvylady - 18/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 6 680

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 350

You deserved it 2 431

By lukey_G - 20/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 564

You deserved it 81 109

By HoratioNo - 14/08/2013 06:41 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 072

You deserved it 3 916

Body Positivity

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 04:03

Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 23:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 394

You deserved it 17 173

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, my partner thought I was having an affair because I received a video call but declined it. It was from my daughter, and I declined it because I was already on a video call with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 75

By ohcrap - 02/06/2011 10:05 - United States

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 224

You deserved it 36 308

It is what it is

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:57

Today, I drunkenly admitted to a friend of five years that I've "liked" her for a long time now. She's been in a relationship with some douche for a year and a half at this point. She started crying, and when she finally stopped said, "I can forget this ever happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 271

By maddiebauer - 26/07/2012 14:48 - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 386

You deserved it 45 435

By ps3isbetterthanme - 11/12/2009 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 794

You deserved it 4 288

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Top comments

astoryofroses 9

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:12

Sympathize with him! maybe he'll give you a raise for that?

platypus546 24

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:10

Just, remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving..... Always look on the bright side of life!

seanoc69 7

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:10

Must not have been a 'short' conversation

killdozer1 2

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Thursday 16 August 2012 20:48

Awesome picture!

platypus546 24

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:10

Just, remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving..... Always look on the bright side of life!

EvilTwerp 12

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:13

Your mom is standing on evolution, you fucktard.

EyesofStone 27

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:15

That was rather uncalled for, 7.

DontModMeDammit 10

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:18

Tell your boss there is such thing as male enhancement pills.

iNewKid 18

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:22

Why do you have to listen to this? Because he is your boss? He keeps you from your work and when you'd be having a conversation like that he would not be happy with it. They like to play with the power. But still, to shut him up. Buy some pills for his problem. You have treatment for that. ;)

chocol8m 6

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Monday 18 June 2012 1:24

They have great mileage... If u kno what I mean (;

JoeRogansBEARD 15

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Monday 18 June 2012 2:18

YDI for growing so fast

KRS_13 0

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Monday 18 June 2012 2:42

Dang I missed what #7 said..

Quidikic 9

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Monday 18 June 2012 3:14

And don't forget the universe is expanding at an extreme rate. Individual atoms and atom formations aren't though. He should hire some shorter employees.

kewlkate 9

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Monday 18 June 2012 3:15

All I can think about is that I hope your boss doesn't read FML's, OP. That might turn out badly of he does.

CaptTeemo 10

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Monday 18 June 2012 7:35

I hate not being able to read moderated comments. I feel like I'm missing something.

AKGirlinSD 20

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Monday 18 June 2012 9:43

2, I agree with you. Furthermore, she could gave drowned him out, in her head, and think of other things to herself. That's what I always did when listening to mundane rambling lol.

Feared 9

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Monday 18 June 2012 14:17

Evolution doesn't exist

bob7up 5

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 4:07

What did he/she say? ( 7 )

inky_bb 1

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:11

Well that was a dull read!

kikiwi_fml 9

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:12

That conversation actually sounds like it could have been interesting.

inky_bb 1

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:16

Yeah right. We all have to nod and smile along to our bosses.

Jumpingmal2 7

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Monday 18 June 2012 1:11

Oh i'm sorry 3 do we need to make it more interesting for you? How bout while the boss is talking OP gets his wallet stolen by a co-worker? Or While the boss is talking he tries to kiss OP and when OP rejects him/her OP gets fired? There you happy? Jeez i actually found the FML pretty funny

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Monday 18 June 2012 4:01

^ hey buddy, No one was talking to you so just calm the fuck down.

astoryofroses 9

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Monday 18 June 2012 0:12

Sympathize with him! maybe he'll give you a raise for that?

skoob1 12

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Monday 18 June 2012 5:26

I sympathized for him, that is when I read it as 'everything in the world is getting bigger except for me.' for some reason, I didn't take it as height. ..

cathyfang1533 12

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Monday 18 June 2012 5:34

Get him heels, they'll add height AND style to his daily wardrobe...but they'll also probably get you fired as well and you may end up homeless...

killdozer1 2

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 7:51

Actually, only objects as large as clusters and superclusters are moving apart as a result of the big bang. Closer objects are held together by gravity.