Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML
Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML
Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML
Today, like every day, my boss was complaining about something or other, but this time it was work that I knew he'd done himself, and he still blamed me. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML
Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML
Today, my idiot of a boss yelled at me because it's physically impossible for me to be in two places at the same time, and that I'm not a magician. He didn't understand that. FML
Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML
Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML
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Top comments
astoryofroses 9
Sympathize with him! maybe he'll give you a raise for that?
platypus546 24
Just, remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving..... Always look on the bright side of life!
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Comments (84)
tj4234 36
well it is sort of true, and theoretically possible. Everything in the Universe is expanding and getting further apart from each other. But, if the planets size increased along with everything else on it at the same rate, would we really notice? A mile (1.6km) would still be a mile to us. If the Big Bang theory is true, then the Universe was smaller than an atom at one point.
amanda2131 5
Where's the button that says "who gives a ****?"
galevrspeeta 3
That shucks
bigbadtim 7
Tell him that his waist line is getting bigger, I'm sure that would help.
RottabFML 5
At least your boss didn't assign you to look for a replacemnt for your spot.
brenkite 5
I didn't think people could be that dumb.
Flarfignewton 4
Well it wouldn't be that hard to smile in this situation.
perdix 31
According to the latest theory of cosmology, he's mostly right, except for the paranoid part that he's not included in the accelerating inflation of the universe. Luckily, all of the measuring sticks are growing at the same rate, so we'll always feel like we're the same size. Advise him to fire everyone of normal height and hire an entire staff of midgets and dwarves. That way, he'll feel like a giant!
kittykat1501 31
Then OP would be fired, too
ljfitman 6
Hi
iwantagoat579 7
I think that everything in the universe is growing at a higher speed than me. Still, I'm not short, I'm fun size! Your life sucks for having to listen to an annoying boss droning all day. Sympathy!