By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Timing

Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML

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23446

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Work

The smell detective is on the case

Out of it

All over the place

By quick blow - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26811

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7305

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39270

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7873

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By oprahahaha - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

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71678

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 22:58 - Canada - Newmarket

Bored

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

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1029

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By st3phani3b - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2630

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209

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By StaceZN

Today, on site, my client was certain she had switched off her electric fence prior to me conducting an inspection of her boundary retaining wall. I overbalanced on my ladder and grabbed at the fence wires for support. The electricity was not switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9786

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By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was glad to find out that all the bedbugs have been eaten. Now I have a spider infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11491

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937

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By Oh.

Today, I told my dad that failing to kill yourself must be really awful, because you think you’ve failed your life and then you even fail your death. My dad who, as I recalled when he shot me a sour look, tried to commit suicide during his youth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

591

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2344

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By ballthlete - United States - Edmond

Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21388

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13050

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By thatescalatedquickly - United States - Collierville

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

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58415

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By AmPatt - United States - Grand Junction

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8660

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802

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By colts609380 - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

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30765

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3097

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By oh well - United States - Hesperia

Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2678

You deserved it

170

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By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26384

You deserved it

2391

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By ChampionshipVinyl - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

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29401

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2873

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Ieper

No kinkshaming on FML

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59544

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9294

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By technicallywroteabook - United States - Grapevine

Help!

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

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22994

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17242

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By sonja_n - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

510

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By not gay in AL - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

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46277

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By Anonymous - United States - Waunakee

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6702

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957

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By Anonymous

Are you taking the piss?

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

843

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By Mariah Heimann - United States

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33024

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By BadatDIY - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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7934

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By AbhorrentApplication - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25187

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38806

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By swallowsafly

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2052

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119

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brantford

Thanks dad

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42788

You deserved it

3305

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By El Camino - United States

Territorial Pissings

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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28294

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5051

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By gullible - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51763

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3921

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By Xtine - United States

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20554

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46191

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By Quincy_Ethan - United States - Killeen

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43110

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By flowerman - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33932

You deserved it

5194

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By James - 16/4/2020 08:00

Anxious

Today, I began worrying I have social anxiety, all because while getting dressed I convinced myself that everyone would talk about me behind my back if I wore a striped shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1255

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311

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By Ouch - United States

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

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45341

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13209

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By anonymous - Canada - Boucherville

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25712

You deserved it

2165

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By ScarredForLife - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34686

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11861

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30533

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4955

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By wetandhungry - United States - Houston

Today, I came home to find water dripping from the ceiling in my apartment laundry room/pantry. All of my groceries were ruined. Maintenance's suggestion? "Put a bucket under it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9641

You deserved it

701

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By seriously_CAT

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25501

You deserved it

1593

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24666

You deserved it

8119

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By wowza - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29407

You deserved it

2456

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Top comments

By jtfrisch | 22

#6409394 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:19

Every guy does it every once in a while, especially in a room full of mature adults it shouldn't be much of a problem. Now if you do it everyday that's a different story lol

By imerichello | 18

#6409398 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:20

I think everything will be fine, don't worry too hard OP :)

COMMENTS

By yea_its_me123 | 13

#6409376 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:15

DAAAMN that sucks OP hopefully he isn't too hard on you for anything

By mounya | 19

#6409389 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:18

That's just slightly mortifying sorry OP

By blazeitrabbit | 14

#6409390 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:18

Hope things turn out okay OP

By CaptainSmith28 | 19

#6409391 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:19

At least your dick wasn't out.

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6409419 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:44

*cough* lenny kravitz *cough*

By roxyroller20 | 15

#6409392 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:19

That sucks, good luck OP

By ethanc12 | 16

#6409393 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:19

Next time zip up your zipper! But seriously your boss didn't need to call you out in front of your coworkers.

By jtfrisch | 22

#6409394 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:19

Every guy does it every once in a while, especially in a room full of mature adults it shouldn't be much of a problem. Now if you do it everyday that's a different story lol

saymynamess | 19

#6409478 - Sunday 13 September 2015 8:14

Well it is a problem because its a distraction to some of his colleagues if you know what I mean

By ethanc12 | 16

#6409397 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:20

By imerichello | 18

#6409398 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:20

I think everything will be fine, don't worry too hard OP :)

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#6409400 - Sunday 13 September 2015 6:23

should have just looked down, pretend there is no problem and keep talkin