Depends on the car...are we talking Hybrid or Lamborghini?

my roomate's ex-wife makes $79/hr on the laptop. She has been out of a job for 9 months but last month her pay was $8641 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Go to this web site CashLazy.com

I'm going to be that guy: It's*, I'm*, too*.

Wife- ARE YOU OKAY Husband- I'm ok Wife- not you, ass, my car

Wife: Oh no! My poor BABY! Husband: It's okay honey, I'm fine. Wife: *Runs and hugs car* Husband: -_-

60- You forgot to correct his punctuation while you were at it, tool.

Quit being such an uptight prick, tool.

Not a family til they stop giving a shit about you.

Was the roof fixed?

Was the wife killed?

^ No but this joke was -_-

The ladder died of severe metal hemorrhaging, very serious for the ladder kind.

^It must be serious if the ladder died.

^wow... Who would've thought...?

^ I wanted to do the "hardcore" ^ thing to

Most likely an SUV. Women love SUVs.

I'll bring that bitch and SUV. Bitches love SUVs. Sorry..

What is SUVing? A verb I've never heard of!? Is it Shakespearean?

I'm not sure why I put "and" instead of "an". But.. Nope. It's not Shakespearean.

she was too busy cutting her thumb on his sponge cake.

We've already had that joke 106.

He fell off a roof onto a ladder. Of course he's okay

Of course he was, otherwise the FML would have said he got seriously injured or something similar.

Injuries sustained in during an FML don't have consequences. Of course he's okay!

You should always be careful; dented cars is the third most common reason for divorce, behind adultery and leaving the toilet seat up.

they fell of the ladder

Ah, so you are saying that you think like me? It's flattering, but I have to warn you: among normal people, that is not considered something to brag about ;)