schnouttz

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

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Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

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Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

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Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

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Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

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