Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she...

By lemongrab - 18/5/2014 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Race against the clock

By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 03:53 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and with no bra or shirt on in a random guy's bed. Welcome to spring break, ladies and gentleman. FML

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By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States

Barf

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

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By housematefromhell - 21/7/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

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By srhoa01 - 5/7/2016 06:42

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2013 23:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

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By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

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By thisisme - 17/1/2011 01:37 - Canada

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

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By FrickingBusDrivers - 22/5/2015 01:55 - United States - Farmington

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

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By Overflow - 16/8/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

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By hairless - 9/10/2011 03:53 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

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By holyshitsnacks - 18/3/2014 22:53 - Canada - Woodstock

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 17:10 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 16:58 - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Global stinking

Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML

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By kippis05 - 17/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

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By joecool3426 - 3/10/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

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By ditched - 6/8/2014 03:35 - United States - Ashland

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

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By Username - 4/8/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

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By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

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By msnewyearseve - 1/1/2012 17:19 - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

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By oh, good - 15/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Poor Mickey

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

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By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 13:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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By Brianna Weltmire - 8/4/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

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By Cuzles - 23/3/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 08:08

Double standards

Today, the friend who I'm crushing on but doesn't like me like that back said she wants us to keep our distance AND got angry because I told her I joined a dating app. Now she thinks I lied about my feelings. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 02:00

Boring FML

Today, my wife of seven years told me she wants a divorce because I'm boring. FML

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By embarrassment - 12/6/2009 13:46 - Canada

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

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By Darth Vomitus - 10/8/2012 18:54 - United States - Mequon

Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML

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By humanalarmclock - 21/5/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

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By nerdywaitress - 18/10/2013 05:14 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

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By policeopenup - 11/7/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

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By ewww - 3/12/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

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By burningman - 22/1/2015 10:40 - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

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32877

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By Ashlee - 15/2/2010 15:21 - United States

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

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By so romantic - 12/11/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

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By PiMan - 19/1/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

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By gotmilk? - 22/9/2015 13:41 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 05:00

Hello, I love you

Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML

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Top comments

By Latino_Nino | 10

#5949262 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:13

Just be like " imma be back in a minute to fix it" and just leave with it. It's a win- win.

By Quackadoodledoo | 13

#5949264 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:13

She must have a problem with her memory. RAM it back in her face.

COMMENTS

By CrikOgresmasher | 19

#5949261 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:12

Should've taken it and had it fixed yourself

AnonymousFunFMLs | 18

#5949274 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:16

Yeah because this guy probably knows how to fix a computer...
I think if he "fixed" the computer for the lady he would probably get in real trouble.

blancoing | 14

#5949281 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:22

but if she just gave it to him and walked away she wouldn't know who he was. so how could anyone track him down?

AnonymousFunFMLs | 18

#5949283 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:23

Oops... Pretend I said girl

garrett_8614 | 14

#5949298 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:39

I bet there wasn't even anything wrong with the laptop. She was probably just stupid

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5949339 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:12

Sounds like that Virgin Mobile commercial about getting the IPhone w/ $30 unlimited everything...

iemislayer | 10

#5949345 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:15

Still a free laptop

titoski | 5

#5949370 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:36

that's a stupid thing to say

IceCreamm_fml | 14

#5949384 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:49

Lol, just take the laptop.

gennyv | 29

#5949433 - Sunday 18 May 2014 22:21

I think they meant that op should've taken the computer, gone to somebody who could fix it, and then keep it for themselves

feven | 32

#5949441 - Sunday 18 May 2014 22:26

You shouldn't have felt the need to exlain yourself. Just walk away. It's not like you'll be fired from a place you don't work at.

toaster123 | 11

#5949474 - Sunday 18 May 2014 23:19

Clearly she couldn't just "take it". The woman wanted a refund.

scuccria | 12

#5970559 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 6:51

#50 ikr. The OP seems like a gentleman. If most of the people I know would've been there, they would have yelled the shit outta her in return.

Rectov | 10

#6389721 - Sunday 23 August 2015 6:35

Like she was pressing the enter key to turn it on or some shit

By Latino_Nino | 10

#5949262 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:13

Just be like " imma be back in a minute to fix it" and just leave with it. It's a win- win.

tygerarmy | 35

#5949292 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:32

Just be sure you get her to give you the receipt first.

jess955 | 2

#5949801 - Monday 19 May 2014 6:22

Not if the lady's complaining that it won't turn on.

By inn0centaphid | 19

#5949263 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:13

Take it and ask for a refund at the store

DrownedMyFish | 18

#5949273 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:16

Wouldn't a refund require proof that she purchased it from there?

ironichalibut | 24

#5949662 - Monday 19 May 2014 3:35

Yeah, but obviously before they "fix" it for her, they'll need the receipt.

acurita | 8

#5949823 - Monday 19 May 2014 7:05

"MY LAPTOP WONT WORK"
"Laptop and receipt?"
*gives them*
"Thanks"
THEN WALK AWAY LIKE A BOSS

masturdad | 11

#5949849 - Monday 19 May 2014 8:03

But didn't she say it won't turn on? What's the point of a broken laptop?

Applesarefum | 9

#5950021 - Monday 19 May 2014 14:29

10 and 68, if the lady thought OP worked at the store she would've given them the receipt, had OP asked

By Quackadoodledoo | 13

#5949264 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:13

She must have a problem with her memory. RAM it back in her face.

SPARTAN11810 | 9

#5949297 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:37

Its going to be HARD DRIVE to fix it

michaeljc7 | 3

#5949325 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:00

That was horrible #24

cakefete2 | 30

#5949372 - Sunday 18 May 2014 20:38

Yea, that pun really bytes.

TiiBags | 15

#5949442 - Sunday 18 May 2014 22:27

He must have overclocked his memory. ..

91hayek | 31

#5949605 - Monday 19 May 2014 2:09

This pun is just on the line of almost being bad. But it doesn't. That's why its so good; probably the best I've seen in a while.

TehAnderz | 11

#5949612 - Monday 19 May 2014 2:18

#4's comment TOWERS over the rest.

murythawn | 13

#5949743 - Monday 19 May 2014 5:15

Solid state drive your fist into her head.

By lizard365 | 12

#5949265 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:14

should of just took it and walked off with it she basically gave it to you even when you told her you didn't work there...free computer

JKPwnage | 25

#5949725 - Monday 19 May 2014 4:59

Should have* -_-

ladybugz23 | 13

#5949787 - Monday 19 May 2014 6:13

I agree!!

By goodwithoutgods | 20

#5949266 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:14

You should have asked her if she wanted to see your manager, then take her to another employee and explain to them that she needs help. Problem solved!

By BeardedVulture | 6

#5949268 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:14

Should've kept it

By DaMann360 | 19

#5949270 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:15

"Shut the fuck up woman! Calm your tits! I don't even work here!"

By yeahthatsmeee | 10

#5949271 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:15

Hey, free laptop!

By singer0421 | 32

#5949275 - Sunday 18 May 2014 19:16

Customers can be both dumbasses and bastards. One time a customer yelled at me for a good ten minutes because there were Oreo pieces in the brownie of her Oreo Brownie Earthquake. She threatened to sue. -_-

Damned_Architect | 25

#5949507 - Monday 19 May 2014 0:20

Really? You should submit that as an FML!

slyde32 | 12

#5949536 - Monday 19 May 2014 1:10

I've never heard of an oreo brownie earthquake, now I feel cheated and sad that I'll probably never try one

drewflav | 17

#5949564 - Monday 19 May 2014 1:29

62 - Go to Dairy Queen, you'll find it there.