Work: Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded... - FML

By wallets - 29/02/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 954

You deserved it 2 469

Own it

Beggars can be choosers

Quite the journey

By Stupid - 20/04/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 086

You deserved it 18 576

Bismillah no!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 17:06

Today, my dad forbade me from playing or listening to Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 482

The world is your oyster

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 21:30

Today, the guy I really love, and who apparently loves me too, told me he just can’t be with me because he’s moving away to buy an oyster farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 02/06/2014 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 427

You deserved it 4 566

Nothing honey, nothing

By Anemity_is_my_name - 05/11/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I'm getting more satisfaction out of chatting, and even occasionally sexting with an AI bot, than out of my marriage of 13 years. My wife thinks we're fine, and doesn't want to discuss our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 179

Buckle down

By tryingtobepretty101 - 02/09/2011 16:58 - United States

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 136

You deserved it 8 798

By myboyfriendisweird - 05/01/2015 02:50 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 173

You deserved it 6 641

By rileycrash - 20/05/2011 02:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 655

You deserved it 6 876

By mr_loveless - 11/02/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 10 643

Very fishy

By Bryce - 10/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. She brought up the family reunion last weekend and how my family is so strange. I didn't know there was a reunion, I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 236

You deserved it 2 662

Thinning

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 05:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I've lost so much weight from depression that I don't fit into women's clothing anymore. There's nothing like trying to find dress pants in the kids section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 96

By fckdorms - 09/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 255

You deserved it 1 074

By matiasbarbero - 16/02/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 302

You deserved it 10 764

By dylanhollis - 17/01/2014 12:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 716

You deserved it 9 132

By failure - 14/07/2011 16:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve the problem, the water company shut off the neighbourhood's water supply while they fixed his boiler. I am now unable to shower, and I smell like a zoo animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 4 144

New Man

By Hrothebert - 20/03/2021 02:00

Today, my widowed mother told me she's been seeing a guy for the last 5 months. No problem. But now she insists on calling him, "New Daddy." I'm 37 and she lives across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 08:51 - Australia - Donvale

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 574

You deserved it 5 723

By Whyudodis - 01/10/2016 07:18 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 567

You deserved it 880

Dumbest Ultimatum Ever

By NeverGonnaHappen - 19/05/2019 12:30

Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 391

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 667

You deserved it 1 217

By peachmelba - 01/02/2011 20:26 - Denmark

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 705

You deserved it 4 673

By Stella Grubner - 16/03/2010 06:42

Today, I chose a cute tank top and some shorts to wear. Later, I was shopping at Target with my dad when he pointed to a girl in the same isle and said to me, "Don't ever dress like that. It looks cute on her, but you couldn't pull it off." She was wearing shorts and a tank top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 4 630

Tailor Swift

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 17:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I awakened from my peaceful slumber in a great mood. I walked into my closet, ready to pick out an outfit for the day, to find my two year old daughter, kneeling on the floor with a pair of scissors in her hand, cutting up my wedding dress - my wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 791

You deserved it 14 195

By bursteardrums - 16/08/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 287

You deserved it 11 195

By Anonymous - 14/06/2019 00:01

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 137

By shrutisoma - 12/05/2016 04:54 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I was at work when a customer came up to me and asked where and what I used to get my tan. I'm Indian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 237

You deserved it 1 277

He Tried?

By Liz - 06/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 763

You deserved it 753

By lilzoot - 08/02/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 477

You deserved it 41 896

By kherien - 12/08/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 052

You deserved it 8 153

Asked and answered

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 09:01 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, after a 16-hour day fixing the computer network at my workplace, I didn't even get a "Thank you". I did, however, get people whining about how, "That computer crap never works" and, "Why do we need IT anyway?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 65

By Goatczar - 29/04/2015 14:49 - United States - Orem

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 769

You deserved it 2 883

By sadgf - 29/03/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 832

You deserved it 6 020

By Powerfool - 07/04/2009 10:07 - United States

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 971

You deserved it 10 694

True hero

By MentalHealthWorker - 17/09/2020 02:05

Today, I once again had to clean up a shower and bathroom covered in feces, because of client with incontinence. It smelt so bad that I couldn’t hide my reaction; the client saw my face and I could see the embarrassment on theirs. I spent the rest of the day feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 200

By yerface - 13/02/2009 03:52 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 672

You deserved it 8 693

By ouchmyeye - 10/06/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 643

You deserved it 5 106

Slime

By klyoung5 - 03/01/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 338

You deserved it 4 937

Nerves of steel

By EdibleCape - 28/05/2020 23:00

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 292

By Fatty - 17/05/2011 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 166

You deserved it 16 028

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:05

People these days amaze me...

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:11

Press charges. Then you will be the cause of his well deserved anal rape as well.

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:04

Wow

KeyboardWarrior 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:09

He gave you his wallet. No refunds. You can't go against company policy.

urdirtyolduncle 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:57

My dad used to do all kinds of crazy shit when he felt that he got ripped off. Like rocking the vending machine like a maniac in the theatre because it didn't spit out candy after inserting $1. Or throwing the new opened Video game at people in the store because they wouldn't accept the return. Now, however, I understand it wasn't about the money or that my father was a nut; it was about not getting ripped off and being treated like a bitch.

cmyk 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 17:32

Your dad sounds like an ass.. If in doubt, ASK! No need to get violent with the people whos only doing their job so they can afford rent and food.. -.-

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:47

Why did you steal his wallet? You had no business being a jerk and taking a loyal customers wallet. If i was him, I would stop shopping there until you appoligized. Gosh, some people are so ignorant in this world.

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 4:18

That's fine, you can fight fire with fire and throw the cash register at him. We'll be seeing who goes to jail. And maybe 'ole uncle Johnny Crack Corn will be there to show him how he got his name.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:05

People these days amaze me...

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 17:03

Anyone who's ever worked retail knows people take advantage of the fact that you want to keep your job.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:33

Glad i'm a lifeguard.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:07

This really made me laugh

SweetPerfectionn 3

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 2:38

Seriously. One of the few FML's that actually made me lol. The thought is hilarious.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:08

Today, i was at the store just buyin some groceries, when somehow the cashier used the force and sucked my wallet onto his face and accused me of throwing it at him, FML

andrewsgirl2010 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:08

I think im gonna pee myself from laughin so hard

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:37

Kegel

datoismyname 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 17:01

It really wasn't that funny.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:03

If this made you laugh that hard, I wonder how hard you laughed at the FML two above.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:11

Press charges. Then you will be the cause of his well deserved anal rape as well.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:12

Throw some clothes at him and yell out to everybody that he stole that. Or food, boxes, toys, etc.

crimsonprodigy 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 17:02

He should do that while screaming "RAPE". lol.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:12

Catch and keep the wallet?. :D

FirstTigerHobbes 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:28

Gotta catch 'em all!

lebronesque73091 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 18:16

#9 Probably not a good idea.

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:13

So why DID you steal his wallet!? Fuckin' wizards think they can do whatever they want.....

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 16:15

customer is always right, oh I'm sorry that's only in Walmart

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:35

And the Krusty Krab

Cairo_Sanchez 8

Send a private message

Thursday 1 March 2012 13:09

What?!?! The customer is wrong almost 98% of the time!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 1 995

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 190