Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML
Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
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Top comments
Heartless234 0
Aw that's embarrassing. Hey sometimes I choke on my saliva :D.
mannix_fml 0
It was mean't to be, dum dum!
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Comments (114)
Crethius 4
Right now, That guy is thinking: Virgin You gotta learn to 'swallow' heh oh and uh, hope you didn't 'casually' bump into him.
TwentYxFoeS 0
CPR is in response to a loss of a pulse, not chocking. He hopefully would have just stood behind you and broken a couple of ribs. Sexy right? :).
WOLiF_922 0
He wouldn't give you CPR for that. Dumb ass.
SirAwesome 0
Wow, the number of people who don't know what CPR is in this thread is pathetic. Here's a hint - it has nothing to do with choking or not being able to breath.
blondiepants_ 0
win :D
mikey_was_here 0
YDI for putting your cat in the microwave.
DameGreyWulf 1
OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ANYONE THAT IMAGE. I'm not an easily disturbed person, but living beings in microwaves just... oh god.
Peaxee 0
FYL you choked on a water bottle is that possible?
RequiemCube 0
YDI for being properly hydrated.
caffrinn 0
troll.
ObadiahtheSlim 2
YDI for not knowing the difference between CRP and Heimlich.
adult_swim 0
yea sure it was "The bottled water" you choked on