Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML
Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
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Top comments
Heartless234 0
Aw that's embarrassing. Hey sometimes I choke on my saliva :D.
mannix_fml 0
It was mean't to be, dum dum!
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Comments (114)
toosoonbreh 0
#90, that wasn't funny, just perverted.
Funky_T 0
#90 is just looking for an alternative explanation since #72 (also by toosoonbreh) was such a ******* DUMB COMMENT When u drown u choke on water....therefore u CAN choke on water....and dont come up with some biology bullshit like it cant go down ur trachea because we're talking on a general level here
nodbor 11
YDI for getting horny and trying to impress by giving head to your water bottle.
hahaohwell 0
bottled water
ellieex0h 0
how is this FML? did he not give you the cpr after you choked on your water?
penisface69 17
i agree with 96
iamelrebel 0
lol. that's funny! luckily he was right there to help!
toosoonbreh 0
#92, Funky_T, go ******* choke on your own blood since it's so damn possible.
Funky_T 0
#99 calm down dear. It was just a "choke"....HAHAHA Bitch dont get violent and listen to #101 winemysavior.... at least shes got a sense of British humour
deadoff 0
not to be the one killing the humor, you don't give CPR to a choking victim....you give the Heimlich Maneuver or more correctly abdominal thrusts.
lm137 0
Lotta people going on about CPR not being the correct course of action here...correct procedure (as followed by UK lifeguards) is to encourage coughing if it is possible and effective. If coughing is ineffective or impossible, 5 back slaps should be attempted first, then 5 abdominal thrusts. And CPR could be required if the obstruction was not removed in time and she lost conciousness, although that's likely to dislodge the water anyway.
mikel81 0
lol, too bad he didn't take that as a hint and dive in for the smooch.