Work: Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for....

By Atheist - 22/03/2012 04:56 - United States - Portland

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 520

You deserved it 5 606

Work

The smell detective is on the case

Broken heart

Impressive

Horoscopes are horseshit

By Fuck horoscopes. - 26/05/2021 17:01

Today, my (ex)girlfriend broke up with me because she read the horoscope and it stated that people of the Aquarius sign are toxic and emotionally volatile. I am Aquarius and did nothing wrong to my friends or family as far as I can recall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 64

By iamamermaid - 20/01/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 4 766

Delayed

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 07:59 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, the psychiatrist who I've been relying on to evaluate my condition to give me some real help, who I've been waiting on my appointment with for three months, suddenly rescheduled me until February next year. Why? Because she's "not working that day". I can't afford to see anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 381

You deserved it 5 324

By UghNo - 14/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 372

You deserved it 574

By imafrickenidiot - 08/03/2010 08:33 - France

Today, I was supposed to talk to my girlfriend's mom to ask permission to date her daughter but I chickened out. We've been together for almost a year, but have not been on a real date because I am too damn scared of her family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 935

You deserved it 46 028

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 288

You deserved it 2 451

Could go either way, really

By Idon'thave£12000 - 06/05/2019 16:00

Today, I received a full scholarship to the university of my dreams in England. Being born into a fairly poor family, I've never received anything for free and I worked on my grades like a dog last semester to achieve this. However, the scholarship is only valid if the UK stays in the EU. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 180

Good boy

By Johndoe - 30/10/2021 20:00

Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 126

Sounds lovely

By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 58

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/04/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 418

You deserved it 7 778

By Seriously? - 09/03/2014 06:08 - United States - Mill Valley

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 636

You deserved it 6 151

By suhleedah18 - 24/04/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 778

You deserved it 4 960

By emilyparker - 01/09/2014 02:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 609

You deserved it 5 200

By headdesk - 25/06/2014 05:41 - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 449

You deserved it 6 185

By Monkey253100 - 03/06/2012 14:47 - France

Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 4 082

By Mack - 09/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 567

You deserved it 6 118

By crop circle galore - 06/09/2014 02:36 - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 648

You deserved it 3 199

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 718

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 602

You deserved it 4 453

By blondie - 24/03/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 996

You deserved it 87 970

Left hanging

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, and I had to tell my manager I was calling someone to bring me a bra as mine had broken mid-shift. I was the only woman on shift. It took them 30 minutes to show up and I still had to serve front of house while I waited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 23:36 - Canada

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 517

You deserved it 13 890

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 107

You deserved it 4 661

By yankesik - 03/01/2016 22:42 - Poland - Kalisz

Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 213

You deserved it 1 811

By henley - 23/07/2012 01:33

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 714

You deserved it 69 701

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 22:06 - United States

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 356

You deserved it 4 240

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 08:23 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 237

You deserved it 10 829

By Pain_intolerant - 11/03/2011 14:11 - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 399

You deserved it 4 994

By Bad Dad - 20/10/2014 03:48 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 4 924

By Pauper - 11/01/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 789

You deserved it 4 347

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 4 904

By satanlovesme - 30/05/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 767

You deserved it 8 324

Pete Townshend has a lot to answer for

By FML4evs - 10/04/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, my little brother watched an old video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 724

You deserved it 4 663

By sierra.sl31 - 28/07/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 233

Stay safe

By Molly Lee - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, after going to the ophthalmologist, I got some really cute glasses. When I got home, my dad saw them and told me that when he was in high school, they called girls with those glasses BC. When I asked what BC stood for, he said, "Birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 136

By Kendall14159 - 22/05/2016 02:14 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 529

You deserved it 3 052

Hippity hoppity

By Stuckinbed - 19/03/2020 21:00

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 98

By nanuka_g - 27/11/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Two teenagers behind me had already seen the picture once and shared the entire plot with their friend during first 10 minutes. The finale was intended to be a great twist and I knew it from the very beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 3 467

Been There

By PeppermintPenny - 10/08/2017 20:00

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 611

You deserved it 1 362

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Top comments

NippsSlipps 10

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:00

Ugh I don't like people who call up about their religion. Now change that call to a Hogwarts acceptance letter :)

bertoelmexicano 6

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:08

It's her fault you're clumsy and can't climb the stairs properly?

broski4life 0

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Thursday 22 March 2012 11:53

Sorry op I hope you get the job!

NippsSlipps 10

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:00

Ugh I don't like people who call up about their religion. Now change that call to a Hogwarts acceptance letter :)

P_to_the_AM 9

Thursday 22 March 2012 12:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Katiekhalifa_fml 28

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:03

This comment reeks of ignorance...

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:11

How so?

dominic1221 6

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:14

Her comment reeks of sarcasm. You really think a Dutch girl on a site like this is going to be a religious zealot for real?

thisbitchlys 0

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:00

Aw op, if the Jesus people call again just answer it screaming.

jjake20140 2

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:01

Did you?

williamcarter93 13

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:01

This is why I dislike religion. You always have someone trying to push it somewhere. I would have sworn like a wild man.

NippsSlipps 10

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:02

Same here.

Epsilonyx 15

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:12

No one "pushed" it, they were asked if they'd like to be offered it.

Mirorbo 26

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:02

I didn't even know they were allowed to to do that! As if telemarketers from phony credit cart companies weren't bad enough!

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:07

there's this lovely right we still have here in america, its called 'freedom of speech' you should google it ;)

dominic1221 6

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:11

You can just tell #11 probably knows nothing at all about the Constitution and probably thinks freedom of speech is fucking absolute. You're the reason we all have a bad reputation, jackass.

Katiekhalifa_fml 28

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:13

11 claims to be a "Grammar Nazi", but has horrible grammar.

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:20

well you see, I actually just figured since they're allowed to hand out bibles outside of schools, it's quite obvious they can call you to ask you about your religion. Forgive me for depending on common sense, I forgot this generation seems to lack it.

bertoelmexicano 6

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:08

It's her fault you're clumsy and can't climb the stairs properly?

brianjman14 22

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Thursday 22 March 2012 12:16

First off, it's a guy. And second, if you're running as fast as you can up the stairs, it's very possible to slam into something or trip on the stairs.