Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards....

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 935

You deserved it 44 853

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Baywatch

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 344

You deserved it 488

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 435

You deserved it 7 721

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 19:04 - Netherlands

Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 939

You deserved it 3 434

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 4 362

By mathii - 23/07/2011 23:52 - France

Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 767

You deserved it 6 156

Sick moves, bro

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 299

You deserved it 55 362

By megan - 01/04/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 201

You deserved it 2 472

By anonymous - 10/06/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 722

You deserved it 4 671

By Higgs - 02/06/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 129

You deserved it 6 203

By t - 17/05/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 6 155

Heartless234 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 16:18

Aw that's embarrassing. Hey sometimes I choke on my saliva :D.

mannix_fml 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 16:12

It was mean't to be, dum dum!

Comments

kati3baby 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 7:52

haha #19, you are a bad flirt and how embarrassing LOL much

hassenpfeffermmm 0

Thursday 22 April 2010 21:11

I smell desperation.

jayjay88 2

Tuesday 12 October 2010 15:13

This is weird, you don't give someone CPR if they are choking anyway. Therefore this isn't an FML. :)

personguydude17 0

Monday 27 June 2011 23:47

what did you do eat the bottle

PrimeStarscream 30

Thursday 28 July 2011 1:51

Haha, karma sucks.

PedoPancakes 7

Friday 20 January 2012 1:31

You know your cool when... ;) At least you could tell him it was just an act... :D

Waspinator1998 21

Friday 13 December 2013 6:26

Looks like you made his day.

KittyChesire 12

Saturday 1 March 2014 19:12

Op should have said 'you leave me breathless'

doglover100 28

Sunday 9 March 2014 15:09

Choking on water sucks, you can't drink water to help.

fleckney26 25

Saturday 21 June 2014 8:15

It could also be a threat, bring that correct CPR breaks your ribs.... Just sayin'

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Awkward Shopping My ex Racism Family Relatable Kids AITA Love Cheating Work Break-ups Animals Cute Cats Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Mental health Psychology Health Cops Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, after convincing my now ex-girlfriend that I wasn’t cheating on her with a girl from work the other day, I accidentally called her by her name. They both start with “M”. Hello, single life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 557

Today, I got home from working overnight and let the 2 dogs out of their crates. The oldest one (almost 9 years-old) was acting weird. He was shaking and couldn't stand up, let alone sit. I thought something was incredibly wrong. Nope, he just had gotten hold of 10 of my "treats" when my SO wasn't looking. Dude was high all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 550

The Top

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 026

You deserved it 7 287

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 111

You deserved it 7 771

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 629

You deserved it 2 502

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years responded to my opening up about how I felt like I was always put on the back burner, was to ghost me for a week, and break up via text. Don't worry though, we can still be friends and maybe later, when he's ready, start the relationship again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 186

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 211

You deserved it 2 760

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 440

You deserved it 5 295

Same thing different taste

Baywatch

Sick moves, bro

Top comments

Comments