Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my...

By Higgs - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Dementia or hate? You decide

This is fine

By Anna

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

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By random - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

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By fmymouth - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

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By ticket - United Kingdom

Today, I got a ticket for having my brights on. The street was pitch black and it was 1:30 in the morning. FML

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By Rubyscooby212 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

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By BaWanda - United States - San Diego

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

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By piliseep

Booze confused

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

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By Hair Fail - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

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By bee - United States

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

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By Atomic_Tangerine - United States

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2020 02:03

Priorities

Today my husband cried tears of joy because we now have dates for : 1 - When our son can go back to school, and 2 - When the pubs will reopen. FML

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By fatty:( - Australia

Today, my 15 year old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

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By Megara - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

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By bathroomblunder - Canada

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

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By sydsophnova - United States

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I am kind of scared of heights so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke and fell down and I fell along with it. My boyfriend said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

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By wellthanks - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

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By Benchlover - United Kingdom

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

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By ohhhgross - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

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By Enko - France

Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

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By oops - United States

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

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By longtrip - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

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By Dave - United States

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

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By overexcited - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

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By Fmyoffice - United Kingdom

Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML

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By bosslady - Belgium - Brussels

Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

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By Popscene - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 17:00

He got game

Today, my son told me he's had 5 boyfriends and is currently working to improve himself before getting into another relationship. When I was his age, I was still single. My son has more game than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Waterdown

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

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By caaarl - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

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By guttedgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend's band has become quite popular on YouTube. My friends and sister won't stop singing their songs. Most of them were written after I dumped him, and go on to say how much better off he is without me and how horrible I am. FML

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By TriedToHelp

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

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By Jae_Hellyun - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

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By Bestbirthday - United States - Bastrop

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

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By noname - United States

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

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Top comments

By WhiteDelight | 4

#257136 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:03

i suppose boobs dont make good personal floating devices

By tennisgirl022 | 0

#257124 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:02

ahahahahahaha. stupid lifeguard. but maybe he was hot.....

COMMENTS

By MeanCommenter88 | 0

#257120 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:01

first

michael32123 | 0

#1127391 - Friday 23 July 2010 8:41

I like the lifeguard's idea.

El_patron | 0

#1698206 - Sunday 14 November 2010 6:50

that's a lie lol. great excuse to try to grab them lol

By tennisgirl022 | 0

#257124 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:02

ahahahahahaha. stupid lifeguard. but maybe he was hot.....

Shaolin_za | 8

#6637620 - Monday 27 June 2016 12:42

#2 is the most dumb founded comment on here, how can a lifeguard be stupid for doing he's job ? regardless of whether he was hot or not. Dumbass

By SasuNaru_fml | 0

#257130 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:02

LOL Bummer, sorry about that. D:

By WhiteDelight | 4

#257136 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:03

i suppose boobs dont make good personal floating devices

xXxSophiexXx | 8

#2346962 - Thursday 14 April 2011 4:56

lol agreed... they really don't

bsshooter | 14

#6699573 - Thursday 6 October 2016 4:26

maybe yours aren't big enough???
jk

By IrishHero12 | 0

#257137 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:03

That's great. Let's hope it wasn't a busy day! :)

By dwhit33 | 0

#257140 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:03

giggity

gekkman34 | 0

#974791 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 0:05

Family Guy Reference FTW

Soare | 0

#1094367 - Thursday 15 July 2010 18:26

STFU #403 :)

By anonymous0927 | 0

#257149 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:03

this was in seventeen. guess it could happen twice...the exact same way...

SeaMen | 3

#2421658 - Thursday 28 April 2011 5:28

it's more common than u think...except the whole lifeguard part

By secretsxsecrets | 0

#257157 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:04

did he proceed to preform CPR on you?

By Glam_fml | 0

#257160 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:04

Hopefully you have nice boobs. If not, FYL.

#7, a top falling off in the water is a pretty common occurance.. It is possible to happen twice. FYL for being an idiot.

By xItsEssax | 0

#257166 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 2:05

Hahaha wow.