Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML
Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML
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Top comments
Heartless234 0
Aw that's embarrassing. Hey sometimes I choke on my saliva :D.
mannix_fml 0
It was mean't to be, dum dum!
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Comments (114)
Subtext 10
Really no FML, but still kinda funny ;)
gclunax 0
LMFAO!! Thts hilarious! So much for not needing assistance xD
xevioso 0
so...did he perform the CPR?
idontgiveone 0
LOL. eek.
doggie3 0
Ooh. That sucks. That happened to me one time. A little different, but pretty much the same. I hope he was nice about it.
crazy_cat_lady24 0
booooring.
annaattack 0
Dang, you're a bad flirt.
sahara_fml 0
I thought CPR was meant for restarting someone's heart...?
Vaati_fml 20
Mouth to mouth resuscitation is a part of CPR.
letitbe56 0
How do you choke on water? Last I checked, liquids don't obstruct your airway when you swallow them wrong, it's just uncomfortable as hell.
caticaticati 3
Haven't you ever heard of people choking on their own spit? It's not a metaphor. I guess maybe 'choking' isn't the right word but it's not just uncomfortable, you start coughing and your body tries to push the liquid out of your airway, which is basically choking from what I understand.
FreddyLunch 0
I choke on my spit all the time, everyone thinks I'm crazy because I'm not drinking.
letitbe56 0
Ok, so I was thinking of choking as when your airway gets completely blocked and you need the Heimlich. But "choking" refers to the body's coughing reflex when foreign solids or liquids get into the windpipe. So whenever liquid goes down the wrong way you're technically choking. Interesting. Guess this is what I get for deciding not to go to med school.
FML_is_My_Life12 0
wow, letitbe56, you are the first person I've seen on this site who hasn't gotten pissed off when they get corrected about something. good for you.
lolwatlol 0
so?